Is All Work and No Play Okay?

Or do we need to love in order to work well. Well we all know that one person in the office that is clearly over worked and under fucked. These over achievers have a full time job and are divorced from any kind of normal social life. You can tell because they drive everyone (except maybe the CEO) crazy and take work matters way too seriously. They make others in the workplace look bad because they may sometimes tattle about collegues’ phone, Facebook, and personal email use. So people are wondering, “Is it better to have a full time job and no life or a full time life and part-time job?” 

For the most part, work lives and love lives have been seen as polar opposite, non-overlapping life matters. But it’s hard to argue that there has to be some sort of relationship between work satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, no matter how small. I mean first of all, work relationships are fairly common just because the pool of eligible singles dramatically decreases as soon as one finishes undergrad. Even in graduate programs a significantly larger percentage of students are married or engaged compared to undergraduate programs.

Do we need to focus on work, instead of focusing on fun in our lives? Well Freud, the Father of Psychology, thinks not, he suggested that the overarching goal of psychotherapy is to allow the patient to love and to work. And notice he lists love first suggesting it may be first and foremost important. In fact, even employers looks for employees with stable family and love lives. It is far more useful for employers to hire someone with a wife and children because they know they have incentive to keep their job and they have the motivation to do the work that is expected from them.

Is it even beneficial to put work over love in the long term? To answer that, there is evidence the people with secure attachment styles are also very successful when it comes to work: they are less likely to put off work, are least likely to have difficultly completing tasks, they enjoy their vacation time, and are less likely to let work jeopardize their life. But those with alternative attachment are both unsuccessful at relationships and at work…so there is a connection! The exact connect cannot be pinpointed because not enough research has been conducted on the relation between the two.

             There is no reason that pursuing your personal life within reason has to come in between or sacrifice any of your work efforts. So if you’re waiting to plan your next vacation or if you’re weary of asking your boss to let you leave early to get ready for a hot date tonight, I hope you GO FOR IT!...... Not like I’m condoning sexting or Skyping during work...

But if you live a little then you’ll see you’ll work a little harder too. 

"Is There Ever A Reason to Cheat?"

"A Male vs. Female perspective on the Matter"

This picture substitutes HOES for Cheating (and
it got 15 likes on FB page in one day!)

You hear about cheating as one of the big perils in broken relationships, refer  to right diagram. Regrettably, I have been there done that, and my ex didn't deserve it. And consequently, I regretted it deeply and I wouldn't repeat the same relationship blunder. Why is it so bad? Well in my female opinion, it desecrates the power dynamic in a relationship to something that cannot ever be stabilized in the same way again.

"But really, if you're cheating, then why are u in a relationship? Wouldn’t it be easier to break up with you insignificant other and just be free to play the field?" - Ms. Date Guru

Staying in an unhappy relationship shows you don’t have any respect for the other person, and respect is essential in relationships. Not being forthcoming with how you feel to your partner is essentially lying. In relationships, trust and respect are essential elements, like hydrogen and carbon in chemistry.

When cheating happens it really is a shame because sexual problems in relationships are the easiest to fix. I mean compared to baggage from last relationships, family issues (which almost never get resolved), or long distance relationships…sexual problems can easily be fixed with acknowledgment and commitment from both parties.

If you're stuck in a relationship for legal (marriage) or physical (cohabitation) reasons, people may have the urge to cheat but not because they need to or want to. Subconsciously, they do it to prove to themselves that they are not trapped in the relationship like a caged bird. As humans, we have the need and desire to exercise our free will. When that is restrained (like Jail) that’s the worst ethical punishment you can inflict on someone else. Mr. thinks it may be acceptable to cheat in this situation, but doesn’t encourage it because of the unknown, malicious affects it will have on the partner- if not in the short term, definitely in the long term. Mr. doesn’t disparage cheating because everybody has to make his or her own mistakes in order to learn. Don't stay faithful because you know you should, do it because you want to.

             

          Mr. says, “There is never a reason to cheat. NEVER…regardless of any urge you feel. When you enter a relationship, you have to somewhat sacrifice your perogative in favor of your partner, you have to be able to adjust and compromise. (Ms. Date Guru says: The compromise must be equal on behalf of both parties). So how do you have the right to do an injustice to someone you care about just because “you're tired of the same ‘ole same ‘ole," or "I just got caught off guard". We have to forsake ourselves in favor of our lover if we are to find true satisfaction in a relationship. Otherwise be fuck buddies and don’t take it to the next level, exclusivity”

So why do people cheat? It can be boiled down to: “Cheaters are weak”…that’s why. They seek to cheat in order to fill some insecurity they have with themselves or with their partner. They are too weak so they succumb to the societal pressures printed in low rate media. They follow the example of Kobe Bryant, Tiger Woods, and countless others like Eric Benet who made a name for himself by cheating on arguable one of the most beautiful women in the world- Halle Berry.

In order to crack this never-ending cycle of deceit, we need change the way we think about relationships. I’m doing my part in spreading the awareness of the causes of cheating and its detrimental effects not only in terms of individuals but also their current and future relationships. Now you do your part- Don’t Cheat. 

Do Italian Men Fit The Stereotype?

         So if you're looking for a fun time at the Jershey Shore for the summer,snagging a Guido would be the natural gut reaction. But if you're looking for a tall dark and handsome guy who is both romantic AND can cook, well you have to go to Italy for that. When you asked I was up for the mission, I sent out my team to do field research to reveal the beautiful and ugly truth of Italian men. Men from Italy are the real secret weapon, they are passionate in mind, body, and spirit.You don't even need to speak Italian!...because they are fluent in the language of love and in some cases may even speak and understand Spanish. But I mean who can complain about hearing non-sensical Italian gibberish for hours? If you spend times with real Italian men you will feel assured that you will be reminded how beautiful you are on a consistent basis. Their favorite sayings are: "Bella!", "Amore!", "Te Amo", and "Bella Rigatze".

        The common stereotypes are that Italian men are great lovers, passionate, romantic,great cooks, they eat pasta.These have all been confirmed. But the dangers of Italian men is that they are known to be players and have a wandering eye that sometimes can't be tamed. The best way to handle these player types is to remember this saying: "The looser the hand, the tighter the grip". That means the less you suffocate these men the more they will flock towards you. Italian men are all about "Le Dolce Vita' the would like nothing more than to share the bed and day with a beautiful women,cook her pasta, drink wine,and waste the day away. Not only do they have good genes, they have great JEANS! Italian men dress impeccably, unless you're put off by men in skinnies, a shirts slightly on the tighter side. They are such free spirits are heart, structure and schedules are not in their vocabulary.But for a rebound,short fling, or summer romance they can be the perfect fit. Women please tread with caution, buckle your seat belts,and enjoy the ride!
       

Just Take A Step

    Every street had a story. Every building a memory.

        Walking down the path of life, every place I see is not physically present, sometimes my laptop can be home. The comfort of knowing that I'm in a familiar and comfortable place.      

        But the great memory doesn't stay in the same place. Why? Sometimes I'm just a walk down memory lane. With the beautiful memories and the shame and regrets.

        All these memories take place in the street in the same period of time. It is not a "no pain, no gain" situation. It's just a I got to live through and get to the moment of expected bliss situation. The streets I have walked are full of memories. But there is also a time I represent  but the memories also represent a learning experience. I had to enter into overfull buildings to get a building full of happiness.

      Finally, this is in a street, on a block, on a neighborhood, on a entry, that I want to walk.

 Don't you?

D.C. Green Fest 2012 | Sparkleberry Lane

        After a 5 mile Bike ride from Bethesda, MD to Washington D.C. via the Capital Crescent Trail, and with a rosy glow on my face, I finally arrived at the Green Festival 2012. Washington D.C.’s Green Fest encouraged commuters to bike to the festival in exchange for free admission for one day. But it’s not like they just had a bike rack, they had a full on Bike Valet where we left our bikes, picked up our free pass and some peace of mind, and entered the wonderful world of Green.
That Sunday, Ralph Nader and an accolade of sustainable energy, green business, healthy lifestyle, free trade food, and gourmet cooking experts took the stage at Washington Convention center to paint the city GREEN. The Green Festival in D.C. (among other cities: Los Angeles, Philidelphia,  and San Francisco) was presented by Washington D.C. based non-profit, Green America and San Francisco based, Global Exchange. This festival was green from floor to ceiling, because the selection committee made strict determinants for fact-checking and researching the businesses and companies that participated in the two-day festival. They exhibited green integrity by using recycled paper tasting cups, and utensils and cups made from plant-based compostable plastic. Waste stations contained not only recycle bins, but Compost bins where eager volunteers promoted composting to festival goers.


      Brad’s Raw Leafy Kale Chips were delish!  They came in 4 flavors: Nacho, Salt, Spicy, and Pina-Kaleada (a unique sweet flavor). So crunchy, light, and low sodium it’s hard to find fail with these chips. And don’t forget to Like them on Facebook and get great healthy lifestyle tips and funny Kale pics like this one:

       And there were presentations for all the Vegans out there, including my personal favorite: How to Make Raw, Vegan Fruit Pies! I snagged the recipe and don’t be surprised to find raw Sparkleberry pies on Shakedown next summer!

Crust (for 2 pies):
2 cups raw almonds, 3 Tbs raw, unrefined coconut oil (should be solid consistency), ½ cup of dried dates or raisens

Filling:
6 nectarines/apples/peaches/your favorite fruit (½ roughly chopped, ½ blended in the food processor), juice of half a lemon (if using apples), coconut flakes sprinkled on top (especially if you use apples it will cover the natural browning due to oxidation)

        Vannesa King was another notable speaker, presenting about Mindful Eating and Awareness.  She’s an AcroYoga instructor, healthy lifestyle educator, and coach certified in Nutrition Science. She noted empirical analyses on the American diet and eating habits, from noted sources such as Harvard Medical School, which concluded that fad diets such as the Atkins Diet actually worked because it is extremely restrictive and forced dieters to eat mindfully. The Eatery App is a great source for journaling individual eating and also to get accurate self reported data on diet/nutrition by country and variety of other factors- that you can use on your smartphone! Did you know that through the data from this app, they found that people think they eat 12.5% more healthier than they actually do?  And vegans eat 22% healthier than omnivores. She pointed out that being mindful is the key to healthy eating.  But there can be a lot of roadblocks on the way to eating mindfully so being aware of the traps can help you avoid them.

Mindful Eating Traps:

#1 Large Portions: Due to the food surplus of the 70’s (I know I’m not the only one that read Fast Food Nation), we eat 53% bigger portions than 40 years ago. Nutritionists find that when decreasing portions by 20%, eaters are just as full.

#2 Stocking Up: Everyone occasionally buys bulk or pays Costco a visit but unless you keep your surplus far away, you might be tempted to keep snacking. Store your surplus food in the basement or in an enclosed pantry where you can’t see it- don’t leave it in the fridge or on the counter.

#3 What You See is What You Eat: Keep healthy food around more. Make healthy eating convenient because we don’t like to work for food.

#4 Attunement: When you’re eating with your friends, family or co-workers you are subconsciously trying to adjust your own eating habits to match your dining partner(s). If they eat large portions, you will unconsciously eat more. Don’t overeat, because “Our Body Remembers Even When our Mind Forgets”

#5 Food Rules: Did you grow up with any food rules like cleaning your plate, having an after school snack, eating comfort food or ice cream when upset?  Examine these and change them if they are not supporting a healthy lifestyle.

#6 Takeout: It’s just a fact that people that mainly eat out (those who only eat 40% of their meals at home) eat an extra 350-450 extra calories a day!

Mindful Eating Tips:

1: Set an Intention: Do this to awaken your awareness. What do you want: To have more energy?  To feel healthier?  To lose weight, or build muscle? Keep your intention in mind every time you sit down for a meal.

2: Attention: Pay attention to your eating habits by journaling what you eat, making you more aware of what you decide to eat.

3: Compassion: You’re only human, so remember, don’t beat yourself up, and take everything in moderation (even your quest for healthier eating).

4: Finding Fullness: Listen to your body and notice when you’re full.  That’s a good sign to indicate it’s time to stop eating and save the leftovers for later.

* For more information from Vanessa King, don’t make War, go towww.MakeYoga.org.           

         

        DC’s Green Fest was very special because it brought together people from all walks of life: from counter culture hippies to kids and families, and people interested in Green Living but haven’t yet taken the plunge into a eco-lifestyle.  The presentations from the DIY stage, cooking stage, green business stage, etc really made the festival because the presenters were on point. The event went on flawlessly due to the connectivity on social media, especially Twitter, that allowed the participants to interact with the Festival organizers in real time. The best way this was illustrated was when the Green Screen Printing presentation (that I was personally looking forward to) got cancelled.  Thanks to following the real-time updates from Green Fest, I found out it was rescheduled to another time and I still learned how to make a fabulous homemade T shirt. The festival left me so inspired and made the movement so real to me.  According to the Buddah, “All that we are is the result of all that we have thought” and thinking about Green all day helped me extend a lot of these concepts and tips in my everyday lifestyle.

         Being green is good for you and for our future. It’s much more than buying expensive organic products, it’s more about what you DO. Think you’re green? Make the commitment TODAY to be aware of implementing new green habits. If you are a part of, or run your own business, take it to the next level and get it Green Business Certified, the process is quick and easy!

Check out if you qualify by visiting this website for more information.

          You’ll be surprised at how a little green can bring a whole lot of good. Every step you take toward our Green Future is a grain of sand in the bucket of this cause. One day, the bucket will cause the balance to tip, and we will be living in the new Green Economy.  Whether it’s supporting, advocating, raising awareness, or helping your self create sustainable ways of life, DOING SOMETHING as an individual is the key to seeing that day manifest.  Writing this blog was my Green deed for the day, what will yours be? For more information, steps of action, and press coverage of the event please go to the Green Festival website at:www.greenfestivals.org/

Visit the full article on my fabulous sister's lifestyle and music blog about living consciously around the music and world we love on www.SparkleberryLane.com. Join the movement!
D.C. Green Fest 2012 | Sparkleberry Lane

How to: Take the Monotony out of Monogamy after the Honeymoon Phase

In this first installment of Ms. Date Guru’s Relationship/Sex column on the N Crowd Blog, I will be discussing the factors that make relationships go stale and how to get the spark back. There is a natural progression to relationships: First there is attraction, then lust, then intimacy.

Most people start feeling bored after the intimacy phase. A common complaint I hear is: the honeymoon phase is over, we lost that spark from the beginning. Well you know what ladies? Only boring people get bored. Do one spontaneous thing for your partner and you’ve planted an idea in his head - It will only be a matter of time until he reciprocates.

Longterm relationships aren’t a walk in the park. Forgive the life coach shpelle but if you want to succeed at anything in life, you have to work at it! And in order to make a long lasting effect on your relationship, you must talk to your partner and make an oath or commitment to make the necessary efforts and work to revive your beginning spark!

Once that’s clear, you can start exploring ways to increase spontaneity in both partners. Romance is an essential ingredient for a lasting monogamous relationship- and spontaneity is a large component of romance. It is just as important, if not more, to keep the romance alive a few years into a relationship as it is in the beginning of a relationship. This is where many people fail because they slowly taper off romantic gestures and sentiments especially when cohabitating. The best way to make a positive change in your relationship is to make changes both inside and outside of the bedroom. In addition to increasing frequency, there are many ways to change it up. To watch some more tips to take the monotony out of monogamy from Your Tango:

See this VIDEO post for more tips: http://natashamusing.tumblr.com

* Fall Back in Love….With Your Life Together

Embrace the parts of the relationship that you can’t control and accept them. Things that you can’t personally change shouldn’t be mentioned or discussed. Take any nagging phrases out of your vocabulary. Throw in a sincere compliment about something that is important to your partner.

* Shake Up The Routine

Shake up your routine and try new things for new ideas. Check out this blogpost for interesting date ideas. http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2012/04/ms-date-gurus-monthly-dating-dish.html

* Spend More QUALITY Time Together

When you are together, focus on getting into a positive mindset. This includes: refraining from complaining, and appreciating as much as you can from the experience. Do an actual activity instead of just hanging out together. Another surprising way to strengthen your bond is learning to making something together.

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl.  msdateguru.blogspot.com is an open discussion on love, sex, dating, and relationships. Email msdateguru@gmail.com to get any relationship, dating, or sex questions answered. Twitter: @msdateguru or http://twitter.com/#!/msdateguru

Ms. Date Guru's Monthly Dating Dish Column: "Creative Date Ideas, No Matter What Your Status"

By Jessica Berdan

Written especially for Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog:

Are you planning a big date with someone new or a live-in girlfriend this weekend? Feel free to take inspiration from some of these ideas and prepare to wow her pants off- literally. For this one, I will be combining Rachel’s philosophies with mine! I think you shouldn’t let anything get in the way of your love life–even time & especially money. I believe it is better to have more low cost dates than a few super dates. Rachel is always stressing how to make the best out of your love life, no matter your status. And with these date ideas you’re guaranteed a good time with your partner whether you’re going on your first date, are seeing each other, are in a relationship, or if you’re cohabitating. These dates are out of the box and in most cases the only cost is transportation, so you have no excuse!

Use these ideas to spice up your date tonight!

If It’s Your First Date:

Everyone knows how important first impressions are. That’s why you need to wow her by avoiding the cliché dinner and movie. (However, Rachel never underestimates the importance of a great meal and often states her idea of the perfect first date as breakfast, lunch, or dinner!)  Anyway, we both agree that it is crucial to make effort to capture a woman’s interest.

The formula for a perfect first date:

an activity that is a conversation starter + a social, but intimate setting where you can hear each other speak 

= a great first date.

For example:

* Go to a free art gallery opening: Check the Style and Metro section in your local newspaper for free & fun cultural events daily!

* Try an active couple’s activity like playing tennis or going on a speed walk around the park.
Get your heart rate up! Studies show that getting your heart rate up makes the opposite sex appear more attractive. The increased heart rate and endorphins are also characteristics of attraction. People mistakenly attribute physiological effects of physical activity with feelings of attraction and love.

If You’re Seeing Each Other:
You see each other from time to time. You’re not exclusive but you want to change things up and do something other than hanging out with friends.

* Discover a new part of town. Live in Manhattan and never been to Brooklyn? Why not go with your partner? Sharing new experiences together also increases those “feel good feelings” that will create greater attraction and a deeper connection. Doing these fun things are shown to produce endorphins which are like a self-produced, natural, legal drug. So you can skip the alcohol.

Subscribe to discount event websites like UrbanDaddy.com to find fun events in your city at low prices.

* Go to lunch or happy hour instead of dinner. As mentioned previously, it is better to do low cost dates a few times a week than lavish dates once in a while, especially when you’re dating someone new.

What better way to break the daily monotony than a fun lunch/happy hour with the person you’re seeing? Make sure to check out all the great deal sites out there like Living Social Instant Deals. They have great flash sales on their site offering $30 food and drink credit for just $10 in most major US cities!

If You’re in a Relationship:

You have been in a relationship for a while and start getting comfortable you need to shake things up and do something new! Skipping your regular spots once in a while is good because it shows you’re open minded and like up for trying new things.

* Go apple, strawberry, blueberry, coconut picking. No matter where you live, there are plenty of local farms where you can pick fresh, local produce. It is not only great for the environment and for you, but it is an active, romantic activity that you most likely haven’t done since childhood. These are great because you only pay for what you pick and can choose based on freshness and quality. Often it is more costly than produce you’ll find in grocery stores.

Making something together is a good exercise in couples building. Why not kill two birds with one stone and make a great pie or dish with what you pick? Go to foodnetwork.com for the most scrumptious recipe ideas. You can search recipes by ingredient, and meal (dinner, dessert, lunch, etc…) Happy cooking!

* Take a trip together:
Many people are so stressed with the daily grind, school, or a job that they are rarely present or aware, even with their boy/girlfriends. The best way to break the monotony is to go somewhere new and exciting. No matter how close or far, a little change of surroundings can change a lot. Traveling together is an exercise in couples building as well. Check out this site for great travel ideas from small towns to Europe backpacking destinations here!

If You’re Cohabitating:
You see each other every day. The problem isn’t time together; it is lack of romance or spontaneity. A little surprise can go a long way. There are many ways to reintroduce the excitement and romance, while sharing a residence.

* Go to a wine tasting at a local vineyard
This is a romantic idea that’s well worth the research and planning. Check out local vineyards near you. Admission often includes a tour, wine discounts, and the equivalent of 2-3 glasses of wine. You don’t need to go to California to get great wine; it could be right outside your city.

* Decorate Your Place or Rearrange the Furniture
The perfect prelude to a romantic dinner or drinks out is antipasto at home. Change your surroundings up, rearrange your furniture for free or get a great table cloth, candles and candle holders to decorate. Set up a fruit and cheese platter, nuts, meats or whatever you like. If you’re not the best cook, get something frozen and a glass of wine.

Even if you have to get off work early the little things really make all the difference and effects of re-energizing your relationship will make it well- worth it. Extra Credit, whisk your partner to a restaurant, lounge or bar after!

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl. She is the Resident Blogger for Ms. Date Guru and Assistant for top NYC Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach, Rachel Russo. You can follow Jessica on Twitter here @msdateguru

Chasing Money & Chasing Women

Welcome to the second installment of The Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men. Today we are looking at the way successful men handle their money is similar to the way they handle their women. Act too slow and you could lose your opportunity but strike to hard and fast and you could destroy an opportunity. How do you fine the perfect balance? 


Taking the same principles you use to promote and market a product can be used to promote and hype up yourself. I bet you've heard of launch parties for new products, but have you heard of launch parties for people? Successful men take every opportunity to boost their reputation and appeal as they would with a product or service they are offering. One ladies man told me the best way to do this is to throw a huge party and let the people speak for you. Once you impress one girl in a group you practically have the respect of the entire group. This technique is used to network but can also be used as an effective method to attract women to you. 

A wise ladies man from DC once told me quite eloquently, "You can never lose bitches chasing money, but you will always lose money chasing bitches." What does this mean? It mean that you have to spend the bulk of your time and energy on furthering yourself instead of impressing women or else the women will never be impressed. If you spend all your spare time and money whisking soulless women out on dates, even though it's a number game, you will not succeed. Investing your emotion on a woman is risky business for a man and do so boldly but cautiously as you would approach an big, long term investment.  


Want that go getter, player mind set? A ladies man I interviewed in Miami recommended reading this controversial, but still informative passage from Machiavelli's The Prince to get the learn the kind of attitude that attracts women:

"Fortune changes and men stubbornly continue to behave in the same way, men flourish when their behavior suits the times and fails when they are out of step. I do think however, that it is better to be headstrong than cautious, for fotune is a lady. It is nessary if you want to master her to beat and strike her and she often submits to those who act boldly than those who proceed in a calculating fashion. Morever since she is a lady she smiles on the young, for they are less cautious, more ruthless and overcome her with their boldness" 

To those analytical, high thinking people take away from this what you will. But I warn, do NOT take it literally! Most men get so nervous about even talking to women or getting close a woman they have feelings for. But reading this and keeping that mindset in the back of your head will help you guys muster the confidence to WOW any girl that approaches you. 

New Series: The Guide to Being a Businessman & Ladies Man

Have you noticed how generally men who are successful at business are also successful at getting women too? That’s because they use the same principles to succeed at both. I interviewed ladies men from around the country to get their tips and tricks. This is the first of three installments of the Rules of Business & Bitches.

 1.) Establish Authority: 

 Men who don’t stand up for themselves are picked on at the workplace and used, stood up, or both by women. Men who establish their authority at the start of a job are respected by their associates and they are also respected by women. An easy way to establish authority is by using statements when you speak, instead of by using questions. Read more about this in my previous blog: You See a Hot Girl, Now What? Don’t be afraid to make strong eye contact, when you look at someone in the eye and they look down- that is subordinate behavior and it subconsciously sets the tone for authority. Paying attention to your body language is as important in the board room as much as in a bar. Making snide jokes or comments can be another passive move that can subconsciously establish power. One of the ladies men from LA I interviewed said that he never approaches girls, because he doesn't need to. The way he carries himself and decorates himself does it for him. He strongly recommends wearing accessories, Mystery Method's Infamous peacocking technique, because he says it gives girls a non-threatening conversation technique. He lets business deals and bitches come to him by establishing authority while no being overly aggressive. Whether you're talking business or women, the rule is the same: you have to be firm with what you say and how you carry yourself.  If you promise something you have to back it up, and the same goes for people who challenge you. And you can maybe integrate some pick-up techniques WITHIN REASON, while you're at it.

Want more rules to ace business and women? Did you know that you are more productive at work when you take 5 minute breaks every hour? Why not read Rule # 2 in the Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men during your productivity break tomorrow, Friday April 27th? Tune in Tomorrow for the Second Installment: Chasing Money & Chasing Women

How to Approach Differences in Money Managing Views in order to Strengthen Your Relationship, Not Weaken It

First, the problem is that you have to communicate your difference of opinion to your partner. Identify what it is that is bothering you. Is it that your partner is living paycheck to paycheck instead of being long-term oriented and saving? Is it that you think your partner is living a lifestyle that is too lavish, or too humble? Does your partner’s generosity make your uncomfortable, or do you wish he would be more generous. Dig deep and figure out what exactly you don’t like and identify that instance. Use the non-critical format to bring it up with your partner: “I felt (emotion) when (describe event) happened.” Don’t use the word, “you” that will help your partner feel less threatened and help you avoid nagging…because what’s worst than making your partner feeling nagged.

Traditionally, men know that using money is a strong tool to make women stay faithful, ensure they stay around, or in the case of relationship abuse…to control their partner. I was trained as a Violence Intervention Assistant and learned about characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and red flags of relationship abuse. Obviously you have to stray away from money habits that contribute to unhealthy or controlling relationships. As a woman, it is important to financially stable on your own or else you may risk slipping into an unhealthy relationship. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, Why Men Love Bitches, “You have to own the pink slip to your life”. Of course it is okay to accept meals and gifts from your partner, more on that in my blog, “Who’s the Real Whore” (link)

I have been hearing various inquiries about money advice from clients. According to Couples Magazine, “couples fight more about money than they do about sex”. And though I focus on relationships, dating, and sex in reality, financial issues are the number one reason for divorce currently, and sex is the second most common reason for divorce. Interestingly enough, there was a real world example on the talk show I saw, The Revolution. In the show, the woman was making double the salary than the man in the couple- they were talking about moving in together and she had doubts due to financial issues.

The Money advisor on the show said that dating is all about getting to know your financial boundaries. She agrees with me that you shouldn’t criticize your partner, just figure out what your financial goals and boundaries are. Talk about your parents’ spending habits; your current spending habits could have a lot to do with the past. She suggested trying a “Financial Fast” for 21 days, you can’t spend money except necessities and you can’t use any credit….hmmm Seems a little extreme for me I would much rather do a Juice Fast lol

Xoxo,

The Guru

Why Men Lie: Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I am in love with this week's latest guest posting on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog by Eric Leech Author of Love, Lust, & Relationships and resident blogger at http://www.datingwebsites.org. Finally, you get a taste of some advice about men, from men! Check out the full blog at: Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog

. Excerpts from Eric Leeches Post are featured below:

Why do men lie, is a common question among women. It is often answered by the old adage, because he can, and he gets away with it. The biggest problem with men lying in relationships, is that 30 percent of them can roll a whopper off their tongue, with the same ease and confidence as telling mom he loves her. What is it that gives men the satisfaction of lying about his feelings, background, whereabouts, needs, understanding, and availability? Allow me to enlighten you.

“I am the CEO at BS Incorporated” Studies show that men are fundamentally group players. They thrive off their image, and what other people think of them. This is why it is quite common for a man to boast about things that he has not yet achieved. This doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy. However, it can be a deal breaker for some women.

“I’m on my way” When was the last time your guy told you he was on his way, only to show up three hours later with a bouquet of flowers and a sheepish grin? This is a form of passive aggression, and is particularly common when there is a function involving friends, family, a ballet, or wedding. You can overcome this aggression by resisting the temptation to nag him, and instead loosen his noose for the moments that don’t matter. However, let him know when it is really important for him to be on time, and if he still fails to come through, you’ll know you’re not at the top of his list.

“I’ll call you” Studies suggest that most men fall head over heals on a first date. This is basic brain chemistry, as the oxytocin created from being with a woman, is a couple of levels below that of a heroin high. However, just because he is on cloud nine, doesn’t mean that once he gets home, he won’t fall off and find a replacement (alcohol, video games, dating websites, porn, etc.). In addition, men like to be likable. If he is given the choice to end a date on an up or down note, he will choose happy almost every time. The lesson here, is not to read too much into a guy’s reaction on the first date, as that can be unreliable.

To read the rest on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog, a blog that helps you fall in love with your love life as Rachel falls (More) in love with hers...follow this link to the full article

Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Best Friends and Boyfriends

Readers & Trend Makers alike,

Are you ready for my new, monthly column for my boss, Rachel Russo's, StatusMakeover.com? It's called The Dating Dish and will be my impression on the dating dilemmas plauging us every month. Make sure to follow her site (not just for my column).

Here's a little taste of this month's installment.
"So on to the topic of the week: BEST FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS. Why is it that when it comes to these two, they just don’t mix? I remember seeing a Youtube video “What Girlfriends Say to Boyfriends” and she said, “all my friends hate you”. Why is it that a rift can so easily be created between friends when a budding relationship is occurring. Friends know that competing with your boyfriend is pointless so they give up and make new friends. But what happens when you are at a point of your relationship when you want to leave, why are your friends nowhere to be found? That should be the time you reconnect with your old crew but instead, I find, friends keep their distance and refrain from giving break up support or advice. Why is that?........."

Check out www.StatusMakeover.com for the full blog!

xoxox, Ms. Date Guru

Why Women Are Reading More Erotica Than Ever Before

I was watching an interesting news brief on a Miami local news channel that stated sales of erotica e-novels have increased erotica sales by 40%. I was thinking of the possible social and cultural effects of e-readers and their growing popularity in our modern day technologically driven culture and posed the question: Could it be that the anonymity and increased privacy that readers allow can be the reason behind the spike? "According to a recent report by CBC News, sales of erotic books have received a lot of help from increased use of e-reader devices like the iPad and the Amazon Kindle." Classical romance and the related "Erotica" literature sub field have long been a favorite appealing to women. Compared to men who are more sexually stimulated by visual stimuli, women enjoy the lavish and thorough descriptions of passion offered by Erotica- compared to other pornographic alternatives. Clearly the price advantage is something that drives their larger sales, without charges for materials and transportation, publishers are able to provide cost-friendly alternatives-most books ranging from two to five dollars! This digital format has lent itself to digital marketplaces specializing in the sharing, promotion, and reviews of common erotica novel recommendations. But with the economical considerations set aside, the spike in sales may have something to do with our new freedom- the freedom to really read whatever you want without considering outside judgement. No doubt this could also be behind the widespread consumers of e-readers. While reading erotica on public transit or a doctor's office may seem odd, doesn't it seem just as odd that anyone with an e-reader could be reading erotica? Knowing that you have this new freedom with readers would you now consider getting one? Given you have a book with no cover, would it change what you read....? I want to hear your thoughts. You may want to check out this related article, "How Erotic Books Provide a Great Escape From Reality"

xoxo,
Ms. Date Guru

3six5dates Presents: Dating Etiquette

Dating Etiquette: when is the first kiss and other such moves appropriate?

After how many dates is it acceptable to turn up the heat? Ah, the age-old question: struggling to find the happy medium between not-so-patiently waiting (and waiting...and waiting...) for him to lean in for a goodnight kiss, and launching oneself full-throttle onto one’s victim in a hurried Cougar frenzy, the modern woman still strives to find that definitive guide that dictates how long exactly she should wait before moving up a level...a guide that unfortunately can never exist! So instead, let’s consider the situational details, equipped with which you can make an informed decision as to whether it’s the right moment to (sorry) ‘touch base’.

The kiss

You’ve wined, dined and laughed over sparkling champagne and conversation, he walks you to the doorwith a gentlemanly hand placed around your waist and you can already feel the butterflies...
Enter silver-screen, movie-magic, love-song perfect first kiss. Whether it’s the first date or the tenth –if you can tick those boxes, it’s definitely time to lean in! Conversely, if garlic and/or onions have been on the menu, make sure you have a mint (x2) to hand or forgetaboutit...

The above-waist-fondle

Either the kiss was that good that things progress further, or this happens after a few more dates. Either way, things are heating up. Usually, this stage goes hand in hand with the next, and depending on how things are going, you’ll know whether to suddenly fake a family emergency and show him the door, or to continue on to...

The below-waist fondle

Does he qualify to cross the panty-line? How quickly you get here and what you decide is really
dependent on how you feel. By now you should have an idea as to whether this Prince is really Charming. If he’s a total Lothario (LINK: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lothario) and you’re more of a one-guy girl, stay clear. Thing to remember: make sure you’re on the same page before you get to the next step – so there are no surprises. By all means, if you’re both looking for some fun, go ahead. After all, as R.Kelly so wisely crooned, there ain’t nothing wro-ong..with a little bump ‘n grind... (LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAXxkNaRkp8)

The all-the-way

Looks like he’s made the cut! When you take this step depends on a number of factors, but make sure you’re clear about what you want from it, otherwise things could get messy. You may immediately realize that all you’re (both) after is a bit of fun, in which case why wait? Otherwise, you may reach this stage after a few more dates, during which you took the time to get to know a bit more about your new beau.My advice to you: If you see romantic dating potential in the guy, hold out a little longer just to be sure, but if all you feel is sexual tension, let it out!

Voilà. Unfortunately, no one can tell you that after 3 dates you’re allowed to take it up a notch, or that if you leave it longer than 10 dates to take him upstairs that he’ll lose interest and ditch you for an easy ride. Ultimately, you, your date and what you want from your own particular situation will dictate how fast or slow you move. I’ll leave you with the three golden (and general) rules you should keep in mind: go with the flow, don’t let yourself be pressured, and above all, trust your instincts.

Simple! Right..?

Emily Bate is a writer for 3six5dates, which follows four women in four cities as they take on 365 dates between them. To find out more about dating dos and don’ts and how our girls “go with the flow”, check out 3six5dates.

You can follow Emily on Twitter @EmBateSays or on LinkedIn here.