How to Approach Differences in Money Managing Views in order to Strengthen Your Relationship, Not Weaken It

First, the problem is that you have to communicate your difference of opinion to your partner. Identify what it is that is bothering you. Is it that your partner is living paycheck to paycheck instead of being long-term oriented and saving? Is it that you think your partner is living a lifestyle that is too lavish, or too humble? Does your partner’s generosity make your uncomfortable, or do you wish he would be more generous. Dig deep and figure out what exactly you don’t like and identify that instance. Use the non-critical format to bring it up with your partner: “I felt (emotion) when (describe event) happened.” Don’t use the word, “you” that will help your partner feel less threatened and help you avoid nagging…because what’s worst than making your partner feeling nagged.

Traditionally, men know that using money is a strong tool to make women stay faithful, ensure they stay around, or in the case of relationship abuse…to control their partner. I was trained as a Violence Intervention Assistant and learned about characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and red flags of relationship abuse. Obviously you have to stray away from money habits that contribute to unhealthy or controlling relationships. As a woman, it is important to financially stable on your own or else you may risk slipping into an unhealthy relationship. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, Why Men Love Bitches, “You have to own the pink slip to your life”. Of course it is okay to accept meals and gifts from your partner, more on that in my blog, “Who’s the Real Whore” (link)

I have been hearing various inquiries about money advice from clients. According to Couples Magazine, “couples fight more about money than they do about sex”. And though I focus on relationships, dating, and sex in reality, financial issues are the number one reason for divorce currently, and sex is the second most common reason for divorce. Interestingly enough, there was a real world example on the talk show I saw, The Revolution. In the show, the woman was making double the salary than the man in the couple- they were talking about moving in together and she had doubts due to financial issues.

The Money advisor on the show said that dating is all about getting to know your financial boundaries. She agrees with me that you shouldn’t criticize your partner, just figure out what your financial goals and boundaries are. Talk about your parents’ spending habits; your current spending habits could have a lot to do with the past. She suggested trying a “Financial Fast” for 21 days, you can’t spend money except necessities and you can’t use any credit….hmmm Seems a little extreme for me I would much rather do a Juice Fast lol

Xoxo,

The Guru

Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru