Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Go Get a Study Buddy!

           It's dreaded exam time and I’m sure you’re wired and tired of hitting the books and skipping Zzz’s. When it’s crunch time in classes, we’re often too self-consumed to notice other people. But I would argue that having a special someone around when those stressful times hit may just be the answer for your winter woes. When it starts getting cold outside, it’s nice to have someone by your side to warm you up. And when the stress starts piling on from Thanksgiving, finals, and then the holidays we are left in a flurry that only the warmth and sensitivity of relationship can cure. Having a partner who encourages you and motivates you to be the best you can be is my recipe for a healthy relationship. Having the right person around at your lows can make them more bearable. Also, you can benefit from the added push of someone you care about believing in you and parleying your own expectations of yourself. Studies in misattribution theory state that when people are in a heightened state, for ex Studying they often misattribute the cause of their arousal (beating heart, faster breaths) to the nearest source they can.

         So now is the time to approach that cutie in class you were afraid to talk to all semester, because now you have an excuse! It’s simple to do nonchalantly, just organize a study group and invite them to join.  Better yet, open the door to conversation by exchanging numbers in reference to an upcoming exam or paper. Working on something collaboratively with another person brings you closer to them. If it wasn’t meant to be, well at least you got some homework help. So take off those headphones and take a stroll around the library. I bet there are a lot of eligible singles sitting next to you right about now who want someone to study with too.

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Sometimes bad relationships go on because of good sex:

This is a somewhat common problem because being intimate with a partner creates attachment, not only for the women but for the men too. Since sex is a basic need, it’s fulfillment may seem more obvious or pressing than deeper emotional and intellectual needs. But all three are necessary for a full, significant love. If your relationship is based on simply lust, that is a warning sign for turbulence ahead. In a situation like this, it is hard to look at the situation from an outside, objective perspective because of the sexual attachment, but you must do so and when you do you will see the lack of significant connection. A relationship like this is by no means a bad thing, as long as you know what you want. A lot of my girlfriends get placed in these situations seemingly without their consent but their problem was getting involved with him in the first place. If you are looking for an exclusive hook-up buddy this may be sufficient for you; but don’t be in a relationship that isn’t working because of the sex, there’s more where that came from.