How to: Take the Monotony out of Monogamy after the Honeymoon Phase

In this first installment of Ms. Date Guru’s Relationship/Sex column on the N Crowd Blog, I will be discussing the factors that make relationships go stale and how to get the spark back. There is a natural progression to relationships: First there is attraction, then lust, then intimacy.

Most people start feeling bored after the intimacy phase. A common complaint I hear is: the honeymoon phase is over, we lost that spark from the beginning. Well you know what ladies? Only boring people get bored. Do one spontaneous thing for your partner and you’ve planted an idea in his head - It will only be a matter of time until he reciprocates.

Longterm relationships aren’t a walk in the park. Forgive the life coach shpelle but if you want to succeed at anything in life, you have to work at it! And in order to make a long lasting effect on your relationship, you must talk to your partner and make an oath or commitment to make the necessary efforts and work to revive your beginning spark!

Once that’s clear, you can start exploring ways to increase spontaneity in both partners. Romance is an essential ingredient for a lasting monogamous relationship- and spontaneity is a large component of romance. It is just as important, if not more, to keep the romance alive a few years into a relationship as it is in the beginning of a relationship. This is where many people fail because they slowly taper off romantic gestures and sentiments especially when cohabitating. The best way to make a positive change in your relationship is to make changes both inside and outside of the bedroom. In addition to increasing frequency, there are many ways to change it up. To watch some more tips to take the monotony out of monogamy from Your Tango:

See this VIDEO post for more tips: http://natashamusing.tumblr.com

* Fall Back in Love….With Your Life Together

Embrace the parts of the relationship that you can’t control and accept them. Things that you can’t personally change shouldn’t be mentioned or discussed. Take any nagging phrases out of your vocabulary. Throw in a sincere compliment about something that is important to your partner.

* Shake Up The Routine

Shake up your routine and try new things for new ideas. Check out this blogpost for interesting date ideas. http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2012/04/ms-date-gurus-monthly-dating-dish.html

* Spend More QUALITY Time Together

When you are together, focus on getting into a positive mindset. This includes: refraining from complaining, and appreciating as much as you can from the experience. Do an actual activity instead of just hanging out together. Another surprising way to strengthen your bond is learning to making something together.

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl.  msdateguru.blogspot.com is an open discussion on love, sex, dating, and relationships. Email msdateguru@gmail.com to get any relationship, dating, or sex questions answered. Twitter: @msdateguru or http://twitter.com/#!/msdateguru

Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Go Get a Study Buddy!

           It's dreaded exam time and I’m sure you’re wired and tired of hitting the books and skipping Zzz’s. When it’s crunch time in classes, we’re often too self-consumed to notice other people. But I would argue that having a special someone around when those stressful times hit may just be the answer for your winter woes. When it starts getting cold outside, it’s nice to have someone by your side to warm you up. And when the stress starts piling on from Thanksgiving, finals, and then the holidays we are left in a flurry that only the warmth and sensitivity of relationship can cure. Having a partner who encourages you and motivates you to be the best you can be is my recipe for a healthy relationship. Having the right person around at your lows can make them more bearable. Also, you can benefit from the added push of someone you care about believing in you and parleying your own expectations of yourself. Studies in misattribution theory state that when people are in a heightened state, for ex Studying they often misattribute the cause of their arousal (beating heart, faster breaths) to the nearest source they can.

         So now is the time to approach that cutie in class you were afraid to talk to all semester, because now you have an excuse! It’s simple to do nonchalantly, just organize a study group and invite them to join.  Better yet, open the door to conversation by exchanging numbers in reference to an upcoming exam or paper. Working on something collaboratively with another person brings you closer to them. If it wasn’t meant to be, well at least you got some homework help. So take off those headphones and take a stroll around the library. I bet there are a lot of eligible singles sitting next to you right about now who want someone to study with too.

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