Decoding The Five Love Languages:

        Do you wish your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/wife/husband, said “I Love You” more? Or are you more of an ‘Actions Speak Louder than Words’ type of person? Well people are different; we all speak different love languages (LL). What makes one person feel loved, will not necessarily make another person feel loved. By nature, we tend to express love to our partners in the way we wish they would express love to us. We treat people the way we would like to be treated. When our partner doesn't respond positively to our expressions of love, we get frustrated. 

        The intention or sincerity of our love is not the problem; the problem is that we are speaking the wrong love language. Like Drake said, "I can teach how to speak my language, Rosetta Stone." By reading this blog and learning about the Love Languages, I help you understand how to interpret your relationships with others in general, help you decode your own LL and that of your partners, and allow you to apply what you’ve learned to charge your partners love tank, enhance communication, and strengthen your bond. So instead you'll be singing, "Now you're talking my language, now you're talking my language"

         There are 5 love languages which I will explain in great detail: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. To find out your own exact LL use Dr. Gary Chapman’s online inventory at www.5lovelanguages.com/profile 

In order to easily decode your partner’s love language you don’t need them to fill out the inventory just notice the things they complain/whine about the most. Complaints, while annoying, actually can reveal insight into our partner’s inner longing for emotional love. Below are some common examples you might have heard:

* "We never spend any time with each other anymore. We're like two ships passing in the dark." (Quality Time)

* "I can't do anything right around here. All you ever do is criticize. I can never please you." (Words of Affirmation)

* "You mean you didn't bring me anything? Did you even miss me while you were gone?" or “What do you mean you didn’t get me anything for my birthday?” (Receiving Gifts)

* "I don't think you would ever touch me if I didn't initiate it." Or “I don’t feel wanted, do I even turn you on?” (Physical Touch)

* "If you loved me, you would offer to help me out, you never lift a finger." Or “Why didn’t you take out the trash? I’ve asked you twice already” (Acts of Service)

Words of Affirmation: 

Like Mark Twain once said, “I could live 2 months off a good compliment” He spoke the LL of Words of affirmation, people like this love to receive compliments, encouragement, kind words. They appreciate being acknowledged for a job well done and to be recognized for all their abilities & accomplishments. Try to offer your emotional support, listen to them and the things that are important to them. Give them reasons why they are so loved, cherished, special, desired, or appreciated if you want to really fill up their love tank. Most importantly, give them 2-3 geniune heartfelt compliments, words of appreciation, and encouragement daily. If you cannot readily think of anything positive or noteworthy to say then you are TAKING YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED- or maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship. If you’re the former, I listed some ideas for words of affirmation. For more examples click here: http://ebonny.hubpages.com/hub/Words-of-Affirmations-Examples-Love-Language

•                I’m here for you

•                You’re effort and persistence is astounding

•                I love you, need you, want you

•                I feel blessed to have you in my life

•                I’m so glad you chose me

*Note: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. One of the differences between men and women is their preferences for Men prefer words of affirmation centered around their ability or accomplishments whereas women prefer words of affirmation directed toward their appearance or their disposition.

Acts of Service:

          These are the people who say, “Actions Speak Louder than Words” or as I like to say Actions > Words. The ones who speak this LL appreciate little gestures of kindness to show you care. If you don’t live with your partner doing them favors when they need it or asking them if they need anything would be a great place to start. If you do live with your partner than try picking up more chores around the house or helping out with errands to improve the status of your relationship.

Examples are: helping out with cooking/laundry, pitching in with a project they are working on, or giving them a ride to work if they are running late. 

Quality Time: 

        

         People who speak the LL of Quality Time want to spend lots of time with their partner. These people are the ones who would get fed up fast with long distance relationships, and would prefer to travel with their partner for business rather than staying home. They would be content just being with their partner even if they are not doing anything in particular. If you’re with a partner who values Quality Time and you don’t it may appear that they are acting “clingy” but going out of your way to spend less “me time” and more “we time” can really go a long way to improve the relationship in their eyes. If you’re partner is a Quality Time partner and you’re a workaholic you might even want to find ways to integrate your partner in the activities that are draining the most time or even think about hiring someone to take care of small tasks to free up more of your time- this will really show your partner that you care.  

Receiving Gifts:

         Giving & receiving gifts has been a part of human social conduct since our cave men days. It is a primal expression of love, we even have holidays set up established to give gifts, but people whose main LL is receiving gifts appreciate getting gifts for no apparent reason. Whereas the Quality Time LL partner would be mad if their partners traveled without bringing them along, the receiving gifts LL partner would be more upset that their partner didn’t bring them a souvenir than being apart from their partner. 

         You don’t have to shell out a lot of cash to shower your Receiving Gifts partner with attention- buying them little tokens of appreciation along the course of your normal day or making them baked goods is all it takes for them to feel loved. But just don’t make the mistake of forgetting your anniversary or Valentine’s Day or their birthday, they place special attention on gift giving holidays and will be deeply hurt if your gift is late or too humble. But what they appreciate the most is when there was a lot of thought or effort put into a gift or surprise, that will really make them feel loved. 

Physical Touch: 

        People who value physical touch place a high value on the sexual connection in their relationships. But in addition, they like to give affection like scratching their partner’s backs, holding hands, give massages, and other forms of PDA. These people tend to make physical contact with even their friends or co-workers, they might touch someone’s arm to make a point. Or they may tell new acquanitances upon meeting, “No handshakes, I’m a hugger.” 

         This is possibly the easiest LL difference to detect. If for example, you are low on Physical Touch but for your partner it is the most prominent, you may feel like your partner doesn’t desire you, or isn’t feeling romantic feelings for you when really that’s not the case, you’re just speaking different love languages. This difference may be the hardest to overcome. For some learning the LL of touch may be difficult or impossible. For example, victims of abuse or people who come from Eastern cultures may feel uncomfortable being physically close to their partner not matter how hard they try. It may come off as cold but it’s really attributed to their experiences, early childhood experiences, or even their culture. 

            Showing your physical touch partner your love is simple, just kiss them, hug them, move the hair out of their face, or give them a neck rub. If your partner is significantly more sexual than you try to incorporate some things you like to peak your interest like: different outfits, lubes, and accessories. Do things that make you feel sexy and you’ll see your Physical Touch partner’s love tank won’t ever be on E. 

So there you have it, now you will be able to tell your partner that you're talking their language. To learn more about the Love Languages, read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, click here to order on Amazon.