Top 100 Reasons Why He Won't Text You Back

         In our modern technological age, an unreturned text can signal a social disaster. But sometimes you need to step back and calm down because there could be any reason why he isn't texting you back. If you take anything away from this it's that there's more reason why he can't text you that have nothing to do with you. So if you're waiting on something really important, read this list over and I'm sure he will text you by the time you finish the list- and if not here's to a great laugh. Maybe in life, it's good to have the last word, but not in texting. My favorite ones are bolded. 

1. He broke all of his fingers in an arm wrestle
2. He has a girlfriend
3. His jealous ex-girlfriend deleted the text before he saw it
4. He is under the Imperius Curse and has been instructed by Voldemort to ignore you
5. His Mom cancelled the account because he never calls her
6. He left his phone in a public bathroom
7. He’s waiting another hour so he doesn’t look desperate
8. His phone fell out of his pocket in his car and he can’t reach the spot under the seat
9. He heard a rumor about you and is trying to figure out if it’s true before he texts you back
10. He’s bummed you stole his thunder and texted him first
11. He dropped his phone in the toilet
12. He knows you have friends who write for Her Campus and doesn’t want to be on the next Asshole-O-Meter
13. He has an STD…he’s doing you a favor.
14. He decided texting is ruining his social skills so only wants to talk to you in person
15. He’s in class and actually puts his phone on silent
16. He is on a plane to Australia
17. He still can’t figure out how to use T9
18. He’s at the gym
19. His childhood pet just died and he’s too sad to flirt
20. He thought the outfit you wore to the mixer was supposed to be serious
21. He doesn’t like you. (Sorry)
22. He’s stoned
23. He’s stoned and involved in a serious round of Mario Kart
24. He thinks that he texted you back, but he’s currently sexting one of the other 23 Sarah’s in his phone by mistake
25. He lost a bet and isn’t allowed to talk to hot girls for 30 days
26. He doesn’t get service on campus
27. He can’t read
28. He doesn’t speak English
29. He’s still drunk
30. He left his phone in the pocket of his pants, which are now in the laundry
31. He got diagnosed with a particularly painful case of carpel tunnel syndrome
32. He’s a concert pianist who needs to rest his fingers before a big concert
33. He stalked you on Facebook and thought your joke relationship status was real
34. You’re his TA
35. He realized he once hooked up with your sister
36. He’s waiting until 2am so he doesn’t have to talk to you sober
37. He forgot that girls like to text even if we have nothing to say
38. He’s an Orthodox Jew who observes Shabbat—and you texted him on Friday night
39. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t think he’ll be able to engage in small talk without passionately declaring his feelings.  And that would be weird.
40. You used an obscure emoticon or said “lol”, “u 2,” or “g2g” in your text to him, so he knew it wouldn’t work out
41. He works for the CIA
42. He’s pledging a frat...enough said
43. He doesn’t want you to find out that he’s really 35 and married
44. Because you also emailed, skyped, g-chatted, tweeted, Facebooked, called, and faxed him
45. He’s in love with your best friend
46. He gave up technology for Lent
47. He just got a manicure and doesn’t want to mess it up* (*SEE NUMBER 22)
48. He’s busy
49. He caught you Facebook stalking him in the library
50. He’s texting his sister at the same time and doesn’t want to send the wrong text to the wrong girl (disaster!)
51. He has decided to become Amish since you last spoke
52. He’s broke and assumes texting you will lead to spending money on you
53. He’s taking a vow of silence
54. He heard you’re texting half of his fraternity as well
55. He sobered up
56. He’s at work
57. He’s running a marathon
58. He’s at a movie marathon
59. His phone died and he can’t find the charger
60. He’s considering joining the priesthood
61. He heard you’re actually a classy, nice girl, and he’s not into that
62. He doesn’t want to lead you on
63. He’s with his bros and doesn’t want to be caught “cute” texting
64. He’s involved in an intense game of World of Warcraft (this is not your loss)
65. He’s on the phone with his Mom
66. He doesn’t have a texting plan?
67. His phone is buried under the mountain of laundry he’s waiting to take home over break
68. He’s too busy analyzing the new Kanye West album
69. He thinks you’re out of his league
70. He prefers high school girls
71. Your text didn’t warrant a response
72. He’s in shock
73. He’s having a “guy’s night”
74. He forgot
75. Because it’s only been, like, twenty minutes. Calm the eff down, girl
76. His phone died
77.  There was a family emergency
78.  He was just eating something sticky and hasn’t gotten around to washing his hands
79. He’s in jail
80. His phone was stolen
81. He realized his friend likes you, so bro code says he shouldn’t text you back
82. He’s driving
83. He has mono
84. You texted the wrong guy
85. He’s worried his phone is being wiretapped and he doesn’t want to incriminate himself
86. He saved your number as something funny (“Candy the Stripper”) and forgot who it was
87. He forgot to get your number so he doesn’t know who texted him
88. He read the text in his sleep and then thought it was a dream
89. He didn’t get the joke you just made and feels stupid
90. He forgot to pay his phone bill and his account has been cancelled
91. He was really angry and threw his phone against the wall
92.  He has the iPhone “drunk dialer app” and he can’t figure out how to unlock his phone
93. He’s not a big texter, he prefers talking on the phone
94. He’s trying to think of something funny to say
95. He is taking a (really long) nap
96. He’s worried you only texted him as a joke or to win a bet (circa every teen movie from the ‘90s)
97. He’s gay
98. He talked to one of your ex-boyfriends who told him you’re a psycho
99. He’s watching a sports game
100. He thought the pimple on your lip was herpes

Taken from the orignial article on http://hercampus.com/love/100-reasons-why-he-hasnt-responded-your-text. And make sure to check out Her Campus Maryland, I am the Marketing Director and a common guest blogger at www.hercampus.com/umd. 

Can You Really Break Up Cold Turkey?

       Does anyone ever have a clean break up anymore? I have noticed most of my friends don't. And out of the few that do, many of them were in on again off again relationships.  It's hard to cut the emotional intimacy and connection with someone you are dating. People in on again off again relationships go through more pain during the relationship and after getting over it than people with clean breaks. That's why many new singles often fall into the friends with benefits trap with their exes. That can make things feel a little easier, in the short term but it will make the relationship more fuzzy.
           Sex brings emotions and feelings into the mix making boundaries less and less flexible. Usually this limit is tested in the case of infidelity from one of the partners. After that, there's two options, be bothered and break it off for good, or get back together (being exclusive). Sometimes women use this as an ultimatum.  Hooking up with your ex with 3 weeks after the break up is a bad idea. You need at least this amount of time to disconnect from feelings especially of desperation. Going back to your ex signifies weakness and indecisiveness- both of which cause your partner to lose respect for you. Because if you go back, then why did you break up in the first place? This is a good time to note for you women out there that breaking up with a guy is not a good way to threaten or influence your partner's behavior. Break that are used as ultimatums are toxic, unless it's over a long distance issue.
          But if this cycle is so bad for relationships why do people do it? It's just plain hard to disconnect easily from an ex especially when you shared a lot of positive memories with one another. Just just like ripping a band aid, relationships are less painful when ended swift and fast, not slowly which can drag out the pain even longer. For ideas of how to get over your ex easily check out my previous blog: http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2009/08/getting-over-your-ex.html.

I Don't Want to Be A Playa No More

Spotting a player is easier than spotting a tiger in the vast savannah. Decoding player's text lingo let's you weed out the mixed signals. It's important to pay attention to your man's text habits, that is an obvious clue to his possible player tendencies. 

1. Players text too much.
Players may often have the tendency to text you sweet little nothings at sporatic times in the day. Examples might include,  "Hey, just thought I'd say I'm thinking about you" or "Sleep tight ; )" Don't fool yourself into thinking these sentiments are genuine. It is only okay to keep in contact when you have already established intimacy, which would be the equivalent of 5 dates at the least. Otherwise, his feelings aren't behind what he's saying, and if they are, that's lame.  



2. Players text at the last minute.
This one is pretty obvious already. Don't think a text after midnight would be anything but a booty call. Even when they text you last minute invitations, it's not innocent. Players may say things like, "This week is starting to look brutal. I'm free tonight but will probably have to work late through the weekend. Wanna grab a drink later?" Don't agree on a last minutes date unless you have already established your relationship. Although it looks charming and enthusiastic, you still shouldn't agree unless you have reached the 5 date rule. You can let him off easy by saying, "Look, considering I don't know you very well, I'd prefer to make plans in advance. Last-minute invites are not my thing." And if you do agree to go out with him, absolutely don't sleep with him!


3. Players text a ton one day — and then days and days go by with nothing.
This is a signal they aren't concerned with you, they live their own lives and are selfish about their priorities. They think it will impress women and keep them hanging on but you must reject this so his behavior eventually changes. 



4. Players will pressure you for sex early.
Players have short attention spans and won't wait too long for sex. They coin songs like, "On To The Next One." When something makes you feel uncomfortable it is pressure and you shouldn't go against your will. You don't have to have sex to establish intimacy. 



5. Players will not respond well if you voice hesitations about sleeping together.
When you feel pressured and you try to intercept his efforts, good guys will back off BUT players will pressure you to do it even more. They will use every line in the book and sometimes they will even work. So when you feel like a guy isn't accepting of your decision something must be off and head for the door, despite what your "heart" may tell you. 

This is one of the most characteristic aspects of players, or at least douche bags. You should stay away from these men, they may turn into aggressive or abusive. Even though it may seem great it will go bad sighting many of my own and friends' experiences.

Based on an excerpt of Maura Kelly's relationship blog,  A Year of Living Flirtatiously, for MarieClaire.com. 

Go Get a Study Buddy!

           It's dreaded exam time and I’m sure you’re wired and tired of hitting the books and skipping Zzz’s. When it’s crunch time in classes, we’re often too self-consumed to notice other people. But I would argue that having a special someone around when those stressful times hit may just be the answer for your winter woes. When it starts getting cold outside, it’s nice to have someone by your side to warm you up. And when the stress starts piling on from Thanksgiving, finals, and then the holidays we are left in a flurry that only the warmth and sensitivity of relationship can cure. Having a partner who encourages you and motivates you to be the best you can be is my recipe for a healthy relationship. Having the right person around at your lows can make them more bearable. Also, you can benefit from the added push of someone you care about believing in you and parleying your own expectations of yourself. Studies in misattribution theory state that when people are in a heightened state, for ex Studying they often misattribute the cause of their arousal (beating heart, faster breaths) to the nearest source they can.

         So now is the time to approach that cutie in class you were afraid to talk to all semester, because now you have an excuse! It’s simple to do nonchalantly, just organize a study group and invite them to join.  Better yet, open the door to conversation by exchanging numbers in reference to an upcoming exam or paper. Working on something collaboratively with another person brings you closer to them. If it wasn’t meant to be, well at least you got some homework help. So take off those headphones and take a stroll around the library. I bet there are a lot of eligible singles sitting next to you right about now who want someone to study with too.

Buy Study Buddy shirts at Study Buddy T-shirts from Zazzle.com

Sophie's Secrets: Smush Music III

Sophie's Secrets: Smush Music III: "I think this week may be my favorite week of Smush Music. Most of these songs remind me of pre-college years. Use this playlist while you

• F*cking You Tonight - Notorious B.I.G. ft. R.Kelly
• Leather So Soft - Birdman & Lil Wayne
• P*ssy Money Weed - Lil Wayne
• My Baby - Janet Jackson ft. Kanye West
• Feel It In The Air - Beanie Sigel
• Crazy - K-Ci & JoJo
• No Better Love - Young Gunz
• Makin' It Last All Night - Mariah Carey
• Let's Get It On - Gavin DeGraw
• Sideways - Citizen Cope
• Smile - G-Unit
• Your Body - Pretty Ricky

Be SAFE! And enjoy :)

Three's Company

The Guide To Utilizing A Third Wheel:

           The commonly accepted definition of "third wheel" is, "One who deters the socialization of a couple, perhaps when being invited out of pitty or through a feeling of duty. This person may be eased into the situation by being allowed to stay in an envirnment he or she has become accustomed to (perhaps a kitchen, where the third wheel can bake cookies for the couple.) The third wheel may feel uncomfortable about watching the couple canoodle on his her her sofa, but none of this is taken into consideration. Ex: Emma is such a third wheel/ cock blocker." (source: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=third%20wheel)

        Try to rethink you idea of the third wheel, they shouldn't be seen as cock blocks in social situations having a third wheel is actually beneficial. When you have a third wheel, the couple may seem less intimidating to outsiders and therefore more approachable. Going out with a couple is fun, it gives you the freedom you want but the structure you need. Couples are reliable, you know they won't ditch each other and they're have an exit plan and make more responsible decisions than hanging with other singles. So re think your dating strategy, and try going out with couples, it allows for the best combination of networking ease and social freedom. 

Female Third Wheels:

        They may not even be considered a third wheel by the couple. But the female may often feel left out and feel like a third wheel. But compared to male third wheels, female third wheels proves more useful in social situations opening the door to many more social experiences. They are way more useful in social situations that can open the door to interactions with other circles and to play match makers with your mutual friends. It's a win- win-win situation for the couple, the "third wheel" and your mutual friend!

Male Third Wheels:

         When you have a single male as a third wheel, it's still not bad. The couple may act as an incredible "wing man", it's easier to have a couple as a wingman because it's easier and more relaxed to approach a group of women that way. Two guys commonly appear predatorial to single women and as soon as they are being approached, they feel like field mice with a swooping hawk above. Couples balance the male to female ration and neutralize tense social situations. If your target, the women you are trying to whoo, is around a couple which activates the relationship schema, in psychology we call this a "prime," making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. When couples are around single women it ignites many emotions from jealousy to annoyance or appreciation which makes her think about relationships. The popular notion that weddings are the easiest place to "get laid". The same rationale behind that hold true here, being around couple often makes women more likely to be open, hookup, or maybe even agree to a date.             

How To Salvage a Hook Up Gone Wrong

         Many girls are under the assumption that after they hook up with a guys whether it be a random fling or friends with benefits that things will be awkward after. This is not always the case, in fact some of my bad hook-ups have turned into my close friends. Here’s how I turned those relationships around.

         First, you have to leave the past in the past. You must complete your future so it’s doesn’t shape your present being and consequentially your future.” Don’t walk into a situation with past memories, doubts and social anxiety. Time heals all wounds. Even if there was a terrible falling out, if enough time has past, it will be minimized. If there is still some tension between you, you might have to go back to it and resolve it in order to move forward in the relationship, given sufficient time has past and you are both willing to resolve the conflict. Relationships go both ways and aren’t successful one sided.

          Men are a lot more easy going than women are. But chances are if you chat with a guy or girl comfortably as if nothing is lingering they will roll with it. People don’t like to create bad energy and if they see that you aren’t bothered by something, they may question any bad feelings towards you. Also, a characteristic of guilty people is being defensive, so if you show you are open and calm, it would be hard to be viewed negatively.

          You have to see what things are left that link you two. If you met at a study group or even a party you still have those things in common. Look back at old conversations, do any of the same interests still hold? Also mutual friends provide an equally essential link. If you know the same people you can get to know them again and transform the relationship through mutual friends and gatherings. If you find that the only thing keeping you together was sex than it is unlikely to salvage any type of healthy, satisfying relationship; and you must question your motives behind wanting to repair the relationship.

         The less expectation you have in the new relationship, the better. Even if you want to be friends chill out on asking for favors until the relationship has been reinforced. A resusitated relationship is like a deck of cards, weak. So don’t go in expecting to be best friends or start dating, people may perceive they are being forced to do something and most likely will resist.

        In my experience, I have found a sexual incapatibility or a personality quirk that prevents me from continuing with a hook up. But a lot of them have turned into really good friends because we started the foundation of the relationship by getting to know each other while hooking up. Don’t see “the game” and hooking up as a waste of time if they go badly, you may get some great friends or possible love interest in different context as time goes by and you get more mature. 

Trick or Treat: The Most Popular Games Men and Women Play

       Check out this article in the Halloween edition of Her Campus Magazine www.hercampus.com/maryland. But get a preview of it on Ms. Date Guru!      

       Now a days Dating is all about "playing the game" I'm sure you've heard about the Mystery Method and The Natural Attraction Method that breaks down player tendencies in an easy to follow step-by-step formula to teach men to go from chump to player. But these points are mute now as more and more women are reading these books and learning men's tricks. Conversely, some men try to be the nice guys and hand out "treats" to women but even that has a rep- "nice guys finish last" So how much are these games really helping? I asked guys and girls to weigh in on what games work and which ones don't.



              My girlfriends commented that one of the most common games guys play is the "No Means Yes Game". It is a common assumption (at least among the immature men ie. highschoolers and lowerclassmen in college) which they take to be fact. Men rationalize this behavior by citing women's tendency to be passive aggressive. It is further compounded in situations where men will ask women what is wrong, but they say nothing- while they're secretly boiling over in anger. So let's kill this game once and for all girls by being straight forward in your communication with guys.


              Some men, play the game of preying on women who are taken. They always want what they can't have and they will pursue their close friends' girlfriends putting them in compromising situations. Women often fall in this trap because they want to be close with their man's friends but it's hard to draw the line between being friendly and being too close. These men will take advantage of women when they are in vunerable positions like when their guy just cheated on them, or they got into a fight with a boyfriend. These leeches like to go after women who are alreayd pre-screened. They aren't even attracted to single girls .


       Another common game a lot of women are familiar with is only discovered after they start dating the man. They come to find that the man is a totally different person when they start dating. One of my friends complained that her boyfriend had an angry and violent side that only came out after they started dating. This is misleading to women because men act on their best behavior when courting a girl but then get lazy when they are dating her. This is common in couples who never fight until after they are committed, if this is the case in your relationship, beware!
       My guys friends were really helpful in explaining the major games girls play. The biggest and most hated game by the male sex is playing hard to get. Yes, it's a classic but now, women take it even further by acting like they aren't easy and hiding their true sexual intents. Men see through this act, because they can get a feeling for when a women is going out of her way to stop the physical. And men soon find out their real attitude and are turned off by the fakeness. So women, please follow your head and heart equally when making decisions about hooking up and don't put up an act to get respect form a guy- because it will do the opposite.
 
        Another and probably men's most hated game, "The Let's Be Freinds Game". My boyfriend gave me insight about this game through his past experiences. He noted that at least in his case, women use this strategy to tease and mainpulate the man. The ultimate goal of this is breaking the guy, getting satisfaction, or getting the tables turned whereby the women will passively want the man to make advances without making their intentions clear. Ironically, the goal of it is what the women wanted in the beginning, the man to do the pursuing. When two attractive people are friends, or they hang out for a long time, they are bound to sleep together. Think about the classic movie, When Harry Met Sally, if there's one thing to learn from this movie, it's that when men and women are attractive and attracted to each other, it is impossible to be friends.



      The asshole game is another classic approach, although it has a high failure rate. In it, men try to act like they have no respect for women and see if this will increase women's attraction. Albeit, this may only work if the woman has low self-esteem, it is usually a bad approach to try and is well known by men and women. Because why would you want to be an asshole to someone you like? And why would you want to date a women who is attracted to an asshole


I know Halloween is around the corner but make sure you are prepared when these tricks and treats come your way.

The Key to Succeeding in Long Distance Relationships

           While reading the title, you're probably pretty intrigued, no one has pin pointed a sure fire way to make these work. Most people just wing it and hope it works out but are crushed in the end when it doesn't. And still others, think that they have no chance to work out. You probably have friends who have struggled with long distance relationships and most have failed. But I challenge you also recall some people who have stuck it out and made it work. These people are the ones who give people hope in them and open the possibility of it working. These are the ones who have inspired may failed long distance relationships. Recently I chatted with my ex-boyfriend. We dated long distance for about 2 years, we rehashed what went wrong and right and figured out the key to making it work. So I will share our insight, so you don't need to go through the suffering we did in order to learn the secret to successful long distance relationships.
         You can save your self the time and strain because there is one key that will determine the degree of success a long distance relationship will have- before it is even started! People that succeed in long distance relationships, that is those who stay together, are ones that have established the foundation of their relationship before they were apart. They worked to create, develop an establish a real connection centered around mutual respect, romantic intimacy, and trust for each other before the distance. That's why even a strong immediate connection with someone is not enough.
        Say you meet someone on a vacation and you really mesh well with them and think you have a possibility to make it work- you're wrong. Because after a certain point the relationship will dissolve under the weight of temptation, different priorities, etc. Even when your long distance relationship is with a childhood friend or best friend it is risky because the transition from friends to a relationship relies so much on developing a romantic connection through touch etc. The intimacy of a close friend is not the same as one with a lover or partner. Proximity is the most important feature in developing relationships. The truth is there are so many fish in the sea, and it is hard to realistically accept we have only one soul mate on Earth that is destined to be our life partner. Usually if the relationship does continue long distance it is for other reasons- lack of other options, low self-confidence, or lack of motivation and these reasons are out of the scope of your partner.
          It is hard to have a successful and meaningful relationship if you don't have any future intentions or plans to be in the same place in the future. In addition to cohabitation which a huge trend now in dating, a less popular but still emerging trend has developed in which couples live in the same city/area but apart (in different apartments), but new problems like time commitment, lack of touch, and the need to make more sacrifices and compromises get in the way when relationships are limited by distance.
          Although a person may be right for you in every way, if they are not willing to be close with you physically as well it could signal a lack of commitment. Uprooting one's life is a hard task and that responsibility usually falls in the woman's lap because of men's generally higher earnings and the fact that jobs are a bigger part of men's identity than women's- although this gap is shrinking. So a partner's unwillingness to do this may be the kiss of death to most long distance relationships- to those who are realistic. You can't have a full bodied connection with someone if they are far away from you. And because long distance is such a hard commitment to keep, you want to make sure there is willingness from both sides.
          When you are long distance for a certain time period, it may be easier to carry on knowing you will at some point be able to build upon the relationship. Why would you want to date someone long distance that you know you have no future with? Because essentially a long distance relationship is an depreciated investment and your heart is the currency-keep this in mind when you start one because you may come out with a broken heart. But I would advise continuing with a relationship if it healthy and developed especially if you can see a future. The moment when you see this isn't a possibility it is wise to re-evaluate the investment because you may find that you want to cut your losses.

Boys Say The Darndest Things

I know you've probably heard time and time again that guys will say anything to get you bed. People would tell me that guys would say they love you just to hook-up and I would always roll my eyes. But times have changed, guys now use sneakier lines and methods to get you to do the nasty. Sorry guys, but I'm uncovering your secrets now.

       A common line they use is, "Wanna come over and watch a movie," girls beware when you hear this, because boys have one thing on their mind and it isn't the movie. One of my friends recently shared an encounter where she went over a guy's house to watch a movie and when she tried to resist his advances he told her, "Did you really think that I JUST wanted to watch a movie?" Well yes, girls usually take what guys say for face value instead of looking at guy's intentions. 

    I was inspired by a song called First Date Sex by Mike Posner where he pretty much mentions all of them. In it he says, "I'll still call you 'cause I wanna f*** again". Wrong, guys think more clearly after the sex than before, he achieved his sexual conquests and will be less interested while women will become more interested. So you must assess men's intention. Be real with yourself if you're unsure and hold off on hooking up until you're confident he respects you.

Lipsticks He'll Love

In, Lipsticks He'll Love Tyra Banks helps shed some expert light on the best make-up to attract men....RED lipstick. This site offers a tone matching guide so you know the perfect red and pink for your own skin tone. Studies show that men are attracted to red more than any other color. It seems this may be due to the priming for sexual activity. They say that red triggers sexual thoughts because its reminiscent of the "sex flush" or rosey glow that forms during sexual arousal. The results show, men across the board would treat women who wear red in clothing or lip color better by being more willing to ask her on a date, spend more money on her, and want to sleep with her more. Either way, red gets boys' blood running. So if your single and looking for an instant update try red lip stick, it's gorgeous and polished. Think of the classic Old Hollywood look, red lipstick is seen all over the red carpet from Penelope Cruz, to Scarlett Johanson. And with the right shade, you will be making men drop like flies. One of my favorites,  YVES SAINT LAURENT ROUGE VOLUPTÉ Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick SPF 15 in Red Temptation. It goes on like a dream, moisturizing and luxurious.

S.W.A.K. (Sealed with a Kiss)

He Who Is Recognized Is Appreciated

Recognition and Appreciation are fundamental in relational health. Sometimes the sources of issues in relationships are rooted in lack of these things. Popular methods of recognition can be non-verbal and mostly unconscious like: smiling, kissing, hugging, pat on the back, more attention etc. And of course can be communicated verbally as well in two words: THANK YOU. Using these words more often can be the easiest cure to a relationship common cold. Below are some key points to keep in mind:

* When men don't feel appreciated, they will do less. 
      Naturally men, and women too, will do as little as they have to do unless there's a motive. In business, the motive is money. Business partners won't do you favors because they like you, they will do it because of money. In relationships, the motive is care. When someone feels like someone cares about them, or they care about the other person deeply- it fuels relational satisfaction. So by showing appreciation, you are showing how much you care and subsequently, they will do more.

* The less you do, the more someone will appreciate you when you do something unexpected. 
     People will want  good behavior to be repeated. People also attend more to behaviors that are outside the norm. So when someone observes you doing something outside the norm that's positive they usually will try and encourage it. By the philosophy of classical behaviorism, when a behavior is positively reinforced, it is repeated. If you reinforce a behavior after each instance, than the behavior will be extinguished soon after the reinforcement or recognition stops. In order to create longer more lasting behavior, reinforce the behavior intermittently and inconsistently. So, don't feel stressed to recognize each positive act, but rather, show recognition as often as you notice it.

* When someone does a lot, it's easy to take them for granted.
      Think of your typical nice guy that bends over backwards for people and does nice things for people who don't deserve them. Some call them "tools" because people tend to use these kinds of people. And commonly people think that "nice guys finish last" because they have a hard time getting appreciation from women. According to my friend Nivan's wise words, "you will only be appreciated by the extent of value you demonstrated." So if you let your self be the doormat, you are exhibiting lower value and therefore will lack the appreciation you deserve. getting others to appreciate you starts with how much you appreciate yourself.

* If you don't communicate your recognition, men may think you don't appreciate them, even though you actually do.
      Most men won't do something unless they see a return of some kind. And as previously stated, the return men want from relationships is a symbiotic care. Men like to be the providers and make women happy. And that efforts is all the more worthwhile if they care about the woman they provide for. But showing your appreciation acts as a reinforcer and as something that makes men's care grow. So if you do appreciate what your man does, and want him to do it more you must communicate that. This is a case where actions don't always speak louder than words. But generally it is in good form to contribute as much as your partner. So conversely, recognizing your man's efforts will make him give you more recognition as well and strengthen your bond and relationship.

The Garbage Advice Guys Get

While reading my boyfriend's March issue of Maxim, I came across an interesting article called "Have Your Cake and Eat It Too: A Foolproof Guide to Cheating and Getting Away With It Some Tips From the Pros- Women". It offers some famed tips from women because apparently men (like Tiger Woods and Jesse James are less successful examples. So it's no surprise that in the U.S.  over 50% of spouses (male and female) do cheat- it is a grave reality in our time. It seems also, that women have more tricks up their sleeves for hiding trysts than men do, they go about it more stealthfully for the most part and forms methods of rationalizing their infidelities. But the fact that men acknowledge the need to hide it means they think cheating is wrong- so why do we still do it? After asking many of male friends clarified why men sometimes stray on their seemingly perfect girlfriends. I wanted to be enlightened why someone would repeatedly cheat if their girlfriend is someone like Halle Barry. Apparently, men may want the company of another women when they feel too trapped by their girlfriends. Many have high expectation making men feel like their walking on eggshells around them. When men are repeatidly immasculated by their girlfriends think nagging or starting fights in front of their friends, they need to assert their masculinity and their independence and cheating is often an easy way out. Since it's harder for men to verbalize these feelings they often try to set it straight on their own over having labored discussions with their significant other. Also, as many know, having a girlfriend is a another higher level of intimacy and a difference in sexual demeanor. You can't do certain sexual acts with your girlfriend because they would be demeaning, but there's no such guilt when they are with a hook-up. Girlfriends, may try to show more sensitivity to their man and under no circumstances withhold sex as a means of punishment. This would be defined as cruel and unusual by most men. Sex is more than a physical act so people should treat it as such. It should not be assigned dirty or wrong connotations, but rather the physical manifestation of a couples intimacy. This is why relationships are so accepted and exist in the first place. Trust is the number one thing in a relationship, so if you feel tempted don't stray and eventually you will come to face the problem (calmly) as you should. Cheating greatly changes the power dynamic in relationships and breeds guilt which is the number one form of psychological abuse. That's why relationships can't recover (fully at least) after cheating. In mine and many friends' experiences it may bring you closer in the short term but ultimately tear you apart in the long-term. Cheating is not a good coping mechanism and therefore these tips are Garbage. It's only when people realize the importance and effects of cheating that they will start to have better, more meaningful relationships. I hope that this will be a little spark of change that eventually inspires a change in relationship dynamic and eventually will improve the divorce rate.

How to Raise Your Libido in 8 Easy Steps

1.      Polish your swagger!! Take care of your appearance and of course your body- which builds your confidence. Remember, you are what you eat so when you are physically healthy you feel good emotionally as well. And when you are excited from physical activity you see others as more attractive due to the excitation principle. Exercise also releases endorphins and gives you confidence in your body- so it is the perfect foreplay as well.
2.     Work your Look: Get a makeover/under, take care of yourself buy your self some sexy new clothes or accessories that make you feel totally comfortable and confident. Take a stylish friend shopping with you if you are not sure what to get. Spending money and taking care of yourself will give you more confidence. It’s like an investment when you take care of it you can rest assured knowing you will at one point cash in.
3.      Fake It Until you make it.Positive messages on your mirror like “hey sexy” etc. change your mental script in your head from negative to positive. When you start acting like the sexy, confident, assured person that you are you will become that person. Because if you want someone to want you, you must first love thyself.
4.      Revise Your Crew. Have a few wingmen/women on call. Make sure your crew is drama-free and outgoing in order to encourage a strong sexual appetite. Ones that let you be you and are easy going that will get your mojo flowing. When you are always on guard and anxious around friends you will not be encouraged to  have a good time so cut the excess weight. 
5.      Be Social! You have to swing the bat to hit the ball. So make sure you’re out and about giving you that “single state of mind”. Test drive some new places out of your comfort zone, it will get you into an adventurous mindset and your buddies for support. Have a few drinks and loosen up – and watch that mojo start flowing.
6.      Give Everyone A Chance. Sometimes once you get to know someone they might surprise you. Be with a variety of people to learn what you do and don’t like. Because after all, variety is the spice of life, Some people stick to the same type  and then wonder why they get the same outcomes, if you want a boost in libido you must seek out other adventurous people even if it’s not your usual type.
7.      Be a Flirt. Show off your new look and mind set by sharing it with others. People will feed off your energy making it a positive exchange. When your flirting with other attaractive people, it is hard not to get aroused. And remember: sex appeal is one half what you got and one half what others think you got.
8.       Be adventurous and spontaneous. Don’t be afraid to approach the hottie in the corner and ask them for their number- or on a date! It’s a numbers game and not matter who you are, if you try enough times you will get your target's number. And among those numbers, you will get a date. You must act if you want your libido back on track. When you’ve made it to this stage, your libido will be in tip top shape in no time

Great New Blog: The Wing Girl Method

check out the full blog at: http://www.winggirlmethod.com/why-do-women-give-out-their-number-and-not-answer/

Why Do Women Give Out Their Phone Number and Not Answer?

Posted by Marni on June 22, 2009 · 21 Comments 

You’re at a bar talking to a girl you really like and think “she’s totally into me. I’m going to ask for her number”.

You: Can I get your number so we can hang out again some time?

Her: Sure.

You: Great. I’ll give you a call.

You go home all pumped up, excited, patting yourself on the back.

Then two days later you call.

NO ANSWER.

Of course you give it one more try because with modern technology wires get crossed and messages get erased 

Still NO ANSWER.

Then you think “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?”

Why do they do this?

Why do they give out their phone number and not answer their phone?

Do they know this at the time? or do they decide later?

I have been in this situation MANY times and the answer for is usually I had no intention of ever answering the phone.

I was not interested and just being polite.

From the time women are born they are taught to be proud, polite, respectful ladies.

Ladies, who don’t tell you to your face if they are not into you. That is not polite or proper.

Instead we do it behind your back.

I have been one of those ladies many many times.

I have given my number over and over again with absolutely no intention of answering the phone.

I know it’s wrong but it’s so much easier and less awkward to give out my number then to say “sorry I’m so not into you and I will never answer my phone when you call. I do not want to go out with you.”

Listen, when I go out I enjoy talking to people.

I especially like talking with men but usually within the first 2 minutes, actually it’s more like 30 seconds, I can tell if I am going to want to see a guy past that evening. But I am enjoying my conversation with him.

Does this mean that I have to cut off the conversation with him? Should I be that presumptuous that he is into me and that I should cut it off before I hurt his feelings?

So I usually continue talking because I am enjoying myself and then the awkward moment comes when they ask for my number.

I freeze up, get nervous and give out my phone number feeling guilty the whole time.

It’s horrible, I know, but it’s what I do. It’s what all of my girlfriends do and what most women in the world do.

I don’t know a lot of women that can be strong enough to say “You know what I had a great time with you this evening but I think this is the end of the road for our relationship. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye”.

Doesn’t happen often.

So basically what I am telling you is that a number doesn’t mean a success.

The real success is when you actually get that women to answer the phone and go out on a date.

So what can you do to fight against this?

You learn about women.

You learn what they like and what they don’t like.

You figure out how to read their body language so that you know, even before they do, when they are into you and that getting her number will lead to a date or or relationship or sex.

If you want to learn all of the above then you should definitely check out The Wing Girl Methods newest program What’s Inside A Woman’s MInd?

5 hours of real women being blunt and honest and revealing what really goes on in their heads.

There Is No Other Program Like It.

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Pass this article onto your friends because this is real information every man should know.

Friend Hopping

Like bar hopping, coming in the restaurant/bar with one friend and leaving with another than proceeding to post game with yet another(s). That, is "friend hopping" it seems like our constant communication and connectedness makes it hard for us to be alone and more and with a stronger need for affiliation. This could be a double edge sword because although having strong, meaningful social contact is good for soul, relying on friends too much is evil and can create a dependent personality. You always want to be okay on your own, so put down that phone and enjoy the moment. When you have too many friends whether it be amicable or romantic, it makes it hard to truly appreciate each one. When you start confusing facts and experiences between friends, that’s when you know you have too many. Sometimes I will ask a friend the same question multiple times because I forgot their answer and that’s a good indicator that you can’t keep your friends straight, or that you have a horrible memory. Other indicators are when you name the wrong person in a story or when you swear that one of your friends was there but they are sure they weren’t. IN order to be a good friend, you need to fully appreciate each one, so don’t spread yourself too thin. Instead with friends and hook-ups, set high standards and be selective. No matter what you do, getting everyone to like you is impossible so don’t try. Being selective with friends will ensure your life stays drama free and frees up your time for more productive things so it is the friend Rx for everyone.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I was watching the news and saw the top 5 lies men tell women and thought that I need to pass this information along. You can find this and other useful information on www.twitter.com/CNN.

1.) I didn't have that much to drink
2.) Nothing is wrong, I'm fine
3.) (when they get lost) There was no sign
4.) No, it doesn't belong to another girl, those are your _____ (ex. panties, hair, necklace etc.) 
5.) I'm on the way


Just goes to show, you can't take everything men say for face value and again "actions speak louder than words". So don't be so forgiving to guys excuses and lies.

Deal Breakers

There may come a time when you're dating someone and you simply can't move forward once you discover something about them, this is a deal breaker aka red flag, non-negotiables. As you date more and more people, you will have a better idea of what your non-negotiables are. Some deal breakers like religion and age can warrant an instant break up, no matter how great the person is. these are usually the hardest and most painful breakups, the kind that require me consoling crying friends. This is another reason why taking it slow in relationships is a great idea. When you get to know the person well first, the deal breakers will come up before you have invested significant emotions and time in the relationship. I see many of my friends make the same mistakes with guys such as dating guys in relationships or forgiving cheaters and then they see the same results. As Albert Einstein said, insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. For example, a friend Liz keeps dating consistent partiers and she subsequently feels neglected by her man. Although she may like a popular social guy, what she may need is a quiet, homebody would invest more and be a more devoted boyfriend to her which would suit her better. Some other common red flags to look out for are: STDS, age, religion (especially if one of you is very religious), married or in a relationship, psycho ex girlfriends, and cheating. So watch out!

Is the Double Standard Restricting Us From Being Single?

         The double standard, it's the difference between how people perceive male and female promiscuity, and it's still a harsh truth in this day and age.  Women have been acquired more and more new rights and responsibilities along with the more liberal view of sex compared to those in the past; which has been tightening the gap between the double standard but it has not been extinguished.  Some women do not understand this phenomena and act as if it didn't exist, but being aware of it is the first step to securing a proud reputation for yourself.

       It is a harsh reality that people would judge a women who had 10 partners more harshly than a man with the same amount of partners. Evolutionarily, men value girls that are chaste and faithful. You hear it all the time in rap, Ludacris said, "I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. " And men are protecting themselves from living out the worst nightmare. Kanye West puts it best, "18 years and on the 18th birthday he found out he wasn't his" from Gold Digger. If you're single and seeing a guy, why would he judge you for seeing other guys as well? Isn't that what being single is all about? Consider the common case, when she has a boyfriend but he doesn't have a girlfriend, why should that be right?

        Well when you are "seeing someone" they will view non-exclusivity as a personal dig, and in a sense it is. My player friend, Josh says he went from girlfriend to girlfriend because he liked small parts of each one, and he couldn't find "the whole package". And when you are hooking up or sleeping with multiple people-even when you're single you are telling them they are insufficient and they can't satisfy you. Which hurts a man's pride and vulnerable ego. Girls don't have such a vunerable ego, instead they are more sensitive to rejection. The factor is compounded especially when you are dating multiple people in the same social circle because it hits closer to home. Be careful who you're dating so you don't mess with others feelings and your own, or else you may be staying single.