Does anyone ever have a clean break up anymore? I have noticed most of my friends don't. And out of the few that do, many of them were in on again off again relationships. It's hard to cut the emotional intimacy and connection with someone you are dating. People in on again off again relationships go through more pain during the relationship and after getting over it than people with clean breaks. That's why many new singles often fall into the friends with benefits trap with their exes. That can make things feel a little easier, in the short term but it will make the relationship more fuzzy.
Sex brings emotions and feelings into the mix making boundaries less and less flexible. Usually this limit is tested in the case of infidelity from one of the partners. After that, there's two options, be bothered and break it off for good, or get back together (being exclusive). Sometimes women use this as an ultimatum. Hooking up with your ex with 3 weeks after the break up is a bad idea. You need at least this amount of time to disconnect from feelings especially of desperation. Going back to your ex signifies weakness and indecisiveness- both of which cause your partner to lose respect for you. Because if you go back, then why did you break up in the first place? This is a good time to note for you women out there that breaking up with a guy is not a good way to threaten or influence your partner's behavior. Break that are used as ultimatums are toxic, unless it's over a long distance issue.
But if this cycle is so bad for relationships why do people do it? It's just plain hard to disconnect easily from an ex especially when you shared a lot of positive memories with one another. Just just like ripping a band aid, relationships are less painful when ended swift and fast, not slowly which can drag out the pain even longer. For ideas of how to get over your ex easily check out my previous blog: http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2009/08/getting-over-your-ex.html.
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