How to: Take the Monotony out of Monogamy after the Honeymoon Phase

In this first installment of Ms. Date Guru’s Relationship/Sex column on the N Crowd Blog, I will be discussing the factors that make relationships go stale and how to get the spark back. There is a natural progression to relationships: First there is attraction, then lust, then intimacy.

Most people start feeling bored after the intimacy phase. A common complaint I hear is: the honeymoon phase is over, we lost that spark from the beginning. Well you know what ladies? Only boring people get bored. Do one spontaneous thing for your partner and you’ve planted an idea in his head - It will only be a matter of time until he reciprocates.

Longterm relationships aren’t a walk in the park. Forgive the life coach shpelle but if you want to succeed at anything in life, you have to work at it! And in order to make a long lasting effect on your relationship, you must talk to your partner and make an oath or commitment to make the necessary efforts and work to revive your beginning spark!

Once that’s clear, you can start exploring ways to increase spontaneity in both partners. Romance is an essential ingredient for a lasting monogamous relationship- and spontaneity is a large component of romance. It is just as important, if not more, to keep the romance alive a few years into a relationship as it is in the beginning of a relationship. This is where many people fail because they slowly taper off romantic gestures and sentiments especially when cohabitating. The best way to make a positive change in your relationship is to make changes both inside and outside of the bedroom. In addition to increasing frequency, there are many ways to change it up. To watch some more tips to take the monotony out of monogamy from Your Tango:

See this VIDEO post for more tips: http://natashamusing.tumblr.com

* Fall Back in Love….With Your Life Together

Embrace the parts of the relationship that you can’t control and accept them. Things that you can’t personally change shouldn’t be mentioned or discussed. Take any nagging phrases out of your vocabulary. Throw in a sincere compliment about something that is important to your partner.

* Shake Up The Routine

Shake up your routine and try new things for new ideas. Check out this blogpost for interesting date ideas. http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2012/04/ms-date-gurus-monthly-dating-dish.html

* Spend More QUALITY Time Together

When you are together, focus on getting into a positive mindset. This includes: refraining from complaining, and appreciating as much as you can from the experience. Do an actual activity instead of just hanging out together. Another surprising way to strengthen your bond is learning to making something together.

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl.  msdateguru.blogspot.com is an open discussion on love, sex, dating, and relationships. Email msdateguru@gmail.com to get any relationship, dating, or sex questions answered. Twitter: @msdateguru or http://twitter.com/#!/msdateguru

Ms. Date Guru's Monthly Dating Dish Column: "Creative Date Ideas, No Matter What Your Status"

By Jessica Berdan

Written especially for Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog:

Are you planning a big date with someone new or a live-in girlfriend this weekend? Feel free to take inspiration from some of these ideas and prepare to wow her pants off- literally. For this one, I will be combining Rachel’s philosophies with mine! I think you shouldn’t let anything get in the way of your love life–even time & especially money. I believe it is better to have more low cost dates than a few super dates. Rachel is always stressing how to make the best out of your love life, no matter your status. And with these date ideas you’re guaranteed a good time with your partner whether you’re going on your first date, are seeing each other, are in a relationship, or if you’re cohabitating. These dates are out of the box and in most cases the only cost is transportation, so you have no excuse!

Use these ideas to spice up your date tonight!

If It’s Your First Date:

Everyone knows how important first impressions are. That’s why you need to wow her by avoiding the cliché dinner and movie. (However, Rachel never underestimates the importance of a great meal and often states her idea of the perfect first date as breakfast, lunch, or dinner!)  Anyway, we both agree that it is crucial to make effort to capture a woman’s interest.

The formula for a perfect first date:

an activity that is a conversation starter + a social, but intimate setting where you can hear each other speak 

= a great first date.

For example:

* Go to a free art gallery opening: Check the Style and Metro section in your local newspaper for free & fun cultural events daily!

* Try an active couple’s activity like playing tennis or going on a speed walk around the park.
Get your heart rate up! Studies show that getting your heart rate up makes the opposite sex appear more attractive. The increased heart rate and endorphins are also characteristics of attraction. People mistakenly attribute physiological effects of physical activity with feelings of attraction and love.

If You’re Seeing Each Other:
You see each other from time to time. You’re not exclusive but you want to change things up and do something other than hanging out with friends.

* Discover a new part of town. Live in Manhattan and never been to Brooklyn? Why not go with your partner? Sharing new experiences together also increases those “feel good feelings” that will create greater attraction and a deeper connection. Doing these fun things are shown to produce endorphins which are like a self-produced, natural, legal drug. So you can skip the alcohol.

Subscribe to discount event websites like UrbanDaddy.com to find fun events in your city at low prices.

* Go to lunch or happy hour instead of dinner. As mentioned previously, it is better to do low cost dates a few times a week than lavish dates once in a while, especially when you’re dating someone new.

What better way to break the daily monotony than a fun lunch/happy hour with the person you’re seeing? Make sure to check out all the great deal sites out there like Living Social Instant Deals. They have great flash sales on their site offering $30 food and drink credit for just $10 in most major US cities!

If You’re in a Relationship:

You have been in a relationship for a while and start getting comfortable you need to shake things up and do something new! Skipping your regular spots once in a while is good because it shows you’re open minded and like up for trying new things.

* Go apple, strawberry, blueberry, coconut picking. No matter where you live, there are plenty of local farms where you can pick fresh, local produce. It is not only great for the environment and for you, but it is an active, romantic activity that you most likely haven’t done since childhood. These are great because you only pay for what you pick and can choose based on freshness and quality. Often it is more costly than produce you’ll find in grocery stores.

Making something together is a good exercise in couples building. Why not kill two birds with one stone and make a great pie or dish with what you pick? Go to foodnetwork.com for the most scrumptious recipe ideas. You can search recipes by ingredient, and meal (dinner, dessert, lunch, etc…) Happy cooking!

* Take a trip together:
Many people are so stressed with the daily grind, school, or a job that they are rarely present or aware, even with their boy/girlfriends. The best way to break the monotony is to go somewhere new and exciting. No matter how close or far, a little change of surroundings can change a lot. Traveling together is an exercise in couples building as well. Check out this site for great travel ideas from small towns to Europe backpacking destinations here!

If You’re Cohabitating:
You see each other every day. The problem isn’t time together; it is lack of romance or spontaneity. A little surprise can go a long way. There are many ways to reintroduce the excitement and romance, while sharing a residence.

* Go to a wine tasting at a local vineyard
This is a romantic idea that’s well worth the research and planning. Check out local vineyards near you. Admission often includes a tour, wine discounts, and the equivalent of 2-3 glasses of wine. You don’t need to go to California to get great wine; it could be right outside your city.

* Decorate Your Place or Rearrange the Furniture
The perfect prelude to a romantic dinner or drinks out is antipasto at home. Change your surroundings up, rearrange your furniture for free or get a great table cloth, candles and candle holders to decorate. Set up a fruit and cheese platter, nuts, meats or whatever you like. If you’re not the best cook, get something frozen and a glass of wine.

Even if you have to get off work early the little things really make all the difference and effects of re-energizing your relationship will make it well- worth it. Extra Credit, whisk your partner to a restaurant, lounge or bar after!

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl. She is the Resident Blogger for Ms. Date Guru and Assistant for top NYC Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach, Rachel Russo. You can follow Jessica on Twitter here @msdateguru

Chasing Money & Chasing Women

Welcome to the second installment of The Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men. Today we are looking at the way successful men handle their money is similar to the way they handle their women. Act too slow and you could lose your opportunity but strike to hard and fast and you could destroy an opportunity. How do you fine the perfect balance? 


Taking the same principles you use to promote and market a product can be used to promote and hype up yourself. I bet you've heard of launch parties for new products, but have you heard of launch parties for people? Successful men take every opportunity to boost their reputation and appeal as they would with a product or service they are offering. One ladies man told me the best way to do this is to throw a huge party and let the people speak for you. Once you impress one girl in a group you practically have the respect of the entire group. This technique is used to network but can also be used as an effective method to attract women to you. 

A wise ladies man from DC once told me quite eloquently, "You can never lose bitches chasing money, but you will always lose money chasing bitches." What does this mean? It mean that you have to spend the bulk of your time and energy on furthering yourself instead of impressing women or else the women will never be impressed. If you spend all your spare time and money whisking soulless women out on dates, even though it's a number game, you will not succeed. Investing your emotion on a woman is risky business for a man and do so boldly but cautiously as you would approach an big, long term investment.  


Want that go getter, player mind set? A ladies man I interviewed in Miami recommended reading this controversial, but still informative passage from Machiavelli's The Prince to get the learn the kind of attitude that attracts women:

"Fortune changes and men stubbornly continue to behave in the same way, men flourish when their behavior suits the times and fails when they are out of step. I do think however, that it is better to be headstrong than cautious, for fotune is a lady. It is nessary if you want to master her to beat and strike her and she often submits to those who act boldly than those who proceed in a calculating fashion. Morever since she is a lady she smiles on the young, for they are less cautious, more ruthless and overcome her with their boldness" 

To those analytical, high thinking people take away from this what you will. But I warn, do NOT take it literally! Most men get so nervous about even talking to women or getting close a woman they have feelings for. But reading this and keeping that mindset in the back of your head will help you guys muster the confidence to WOW any girl that approaches you. 

New Series: The Guide to Being a Businessman & Ladies Man

Have you noticed how generally men who are successful at business are also successful at getting women too? That’s because they use the same principles to succeed at both. I interviewed ladies men from around the country to get their tips and tricks. This is the first of three installments of the Rules of Business & Bitches.

 1.) Establish Authority: 

 Men who don’t stand up for themselves are picked on at the workplace and used, stood up, or both by women. Men who establish their authority at the start of a job are respected by their associates and they are also respected by women. An easy way to establish authority is by using statements when you speak, instead of by using questions. Read more about this in my previous blog: You See a Hot Girl, Now What? Don’t be afraid to make strong eye contact, when you look at someone in the eye and they look down- that is subordinate behavior and it subconsciously sets the tone for authority. Paying attention to your body language is as important in the board room as much as in a bar. Making snide jokes or comments can be another passive move that can subconsciously establish power. One of the ladies men from LA I interviewed said that he never approaches girls, because he doesn't need to. The way he carries himself and decorates himself does it for him. He strongly recommends wearing accessories, Mystery Method's Infamous peacocking technique, because he says it gives girls a non-threatening conversation technique. He lets business deals and bitches come to him by establishing authority while no being overly aggressive. Whether you're talking business or women, the rule is the same: you have to be firm with what you say and how you carry yourself.  If you promise something you have to back it up, and the same goes for people who challenge you. And you can maybe integrate some pick-up techniques WITHIN REASON, while you're at it.

Want more rules to ace business and women? Did you know that you are more productive at work when you take 5 minute breaks every hour? Why not read Rule # 2 in the Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men during your productivity break tomorrow, Friday April 27th? Tune in Tomorrow for the Second Installment: Chasing Money & Chasing Women

How to Approach Differences in Money Managing Views in order to Strengthen Your Relationship, Not Weaken It

First, the problem is that you have to communicate your difference of opinion to your partner. Identify what it is that is bothering you. Is it that your partner is living paycheck to paycheck instead of being long-term oriented and saving? Is it that you think your partner is living a lifestyle that is too lavish, or too humble? Does your partner’s generosity make your uncomfortable, or do you wish he would be more generous. Dig deep and figure out what exactly you don’t like and identify that instance. Use the non-critical format to bring it up with your partner: “I felt (emotion) when (describe event) happened.” Don’t use the word, “you” that will help your partner feel less threatened and help you avoid nagging…because what’s worst than making your partner feeling nagged.

Traditionally, men know that using money is a strong tool to make women stay faithful, ensure they stay around, or in the case of relationship abuse…to control their partner. I was trained as a Violence Intervention Assistant and learned about characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and red flags of relationship abuse. Obviously you have to stray away from money habits that contribute to unhealthy or controlling relationships. As a woman, it is important to financially stable on your own or else you may risk slipping into an unhealthy relationship. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, Why Men Love Bitches, “You have to own the pink slip to your life”. Of course it is okay to accept meals and gifts from your partner, more on that in my blog, “Who’s the Real Whore” (link)

I have been hearing various inquiries about money advice from clients. According to Couples Magazine, “couples fight more about money than they do about sex”. And though I focus on relationships, dating, and sex in reality, financial issues are the number one reason for divorce currently, and sex is the second most common reason for divorce. Interestingly enough, there was a real world example on the talk show I saw, The Revolution. In the show, the woman was making double the salary than the man in the couple- they were talking about moving in together and she had doubts due to financial issues.

The Money advisor on the show said that dating is all about getting to know your financial boundaries. She agrees with me that you shouldn’t criticize your partner, just figure out what your financial goals and boundaries are. Talk about your parents’ spending habits; your current spending habits could have a lot to do with the past. She suggested trying a “Financial Fast” for 21 days, you can’t spend money except necessities and you can’t use any credit….hmmm Seems a little extreme for me I would much rather do a Juice Fast lol

Xoxo,

The Guru

Why Men Lie: Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I am in love with this week's latest guest posting on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog by Eric Leech Author of Love, Lust, & Relationships and resident blogger at http://www.datingwebsites.org. Finally, you get a taste of some advice about men, from men! Check out the full blog at: Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog

. Excerpts from Eric Leeches Post are featured below:

Why do men lie, is a common question among women. It is often answered by the old adage, because he can, and he gets away with it. The biggest problem with men lying in relationships, is that 30 percent of them can roll a whopper off their tongue, with the same ease and confidence as telling mom he loves her. What is it that gives men the satisfaction of lying about his feelings, background, whereabouts, needs, understanding, and availability? Allow me to enlighten you.

“I am the CEO at BS Incorporated” Studies show that men are fundamentally group players. They thrive off their image, and what other people think of them. This is why it is quite common for a man to boast about things that he has not yet achieved. This doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy. However, it can be a deal breaker for some women.

“I’m on my way” When was the last time your guy told you he was on his way, only to show up three hours later with a bouquet of flowers and a sheepish grin? This is a form of passive aggression, and is particularly common when there is a function involving friends, family, a ballet, or wedding. You can overcome this aggression by resisting the temptation to nag him, and instead loosen his noose for the moments that don’t matter. However, let him know when it is really important for him to be on time, and if he still fails to come through, you’ll know you’re not at the top of his list.

“I’ll call you” Studies suggest that most men fall head over heals on a first date. This is basic brain chemistry, as the oxytocin created from being with a woman, is a couple of levels below that of a heroin high. However, just because he is on cloud nine, doesn’t mean that once he gets home, he won’t fall off and find a replacement (alcohol, video games, dating websites, porn, etc.). In addition, men like to be likable. If he is given the choice to end a date on an up or down note, he will choose happy almost every time. The lesson here, is not to read too much into a guy’s reaction on the first date, as that can be unreliable.

To read the rest on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog, a blog that helps you fall in love with your love life as Rachel falls (More) in love with hers...follow this link to the full article

Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Best Friends and Boyfriends

Readers & Trend Makers alike,

Are you ready for my new, monthly column for my boss, Rachel Russo's, StatusMakeover.com? It's called The Dating Dish and will be my impression on the dating dilemmas plauging us every month. Make sure to follow her site (not just for my column).

Here's a little taste of this month's installment.
"So on to the topic of the week: BEST FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS. Why is it that when it comes to these two, they just don’t mix? I remember seeing a Youtube video “What Girlfriends Say to Boyfriends” and she said, “all my friends hate you”. Why is it that a rift can so easily be created between friends when a budding relationship is occurring. Friends know that competing with your boyfriend is pointless so they give up and make new friends. But what happens when you are at a point of your relationship when you want to leave, why are your friends nowhere to be found? That should be the time you reconnect with your old crew but instead, I find, friends keep their distance and refrain from giving break up support or advice. Why is that?........."

Check out www.StatusMakeover.com for the full blog!

xoxox, Ms. Date Guru

Why Women Are Reading More Erotica Than Ever Before

I was watching an interesting news brief on a Miami local news channel that stated sales of erotica e-novels have increased erotica sales by 40%. I was thinking of the possible social and cultural effects of e-readers and their growing popularity in our modern day technologically driven culture and posed the question: Could it be that the anonymity and increased privacy that readers allow can be the reason behind the spike? "According to a recent report by CBC News, sales of erotic books have received a lot of help from increased use of e-reader devices like the iPad and the Amazon Kindle." Classical romance and the related "Erotica" literature sub field have long been a favorite appealing to women. Compared to men who are more sexually stimulated by visual stimuli, women enjoy the lavish and thorough descriptions of passion offered by Erotica- compared to other pornographic alternatives. Clearly the price advantage is something that drives their larger sales, without charges for materials and transportation, publishers are able to provide cost-friendly alternatives-most books ranging from two to five dollars! This digital format has lent itself to digital marketplaces specializing in the sharing, promotion, and reviews of common erotica novel recommendations. But with the economical considerations set aside, the spike in sales may have something to do with our new freedom- the freedom to really read whatever you want without considering outside judgement. No doubt this could also be behind the widespread consumers of e-readers. While reading erotica on public transit or a doctor's office may seem odd, doesn't it seem just as odd that anyone with an e-reader could be reading erotica? Knowing that you have this new freedom with readers would you now consider getting one? Given you have a book with no cover, would it change what you read....? I want to hear your thoughts. You may want to check out this related article, "How Erotic Books Provide a Great Escape From Reality"

xoxo,
Ms. Date Guru

3six5dates Presents: Dating Etiquette

Dating Etiquette: when is the first kiss and other such moves appropriate?

After how many dates is it acceptable to turn up the heat? Ah, the age-old question: struggling to find the happy medium between not-so-patiently waiting (and waiting...and waiting...) for him to lean in for a goodnight kiss, and launching oneself full-throttle onto one’s victim in a hurried Cougar frenzy, the modern woman still strives to find that definitive guide that dictates how long exactly she should wait before moving up a level...a guide that unfortunately can never exist! So instead, let’s consider the situational details, equipped with which you can make an informed decision as to whether it’s the right moment to (sorry) ‘touch base’.

The kiss

You’ve wined, dined and laughed over sparkling champagne and conversation, he walks you to the doorwith a gentlemanly hand placed around your waist and you can already feel the butterflies...
Enter silver-screen, movie-magic, love-song perfect first kiss. Whether it’s the first date or the tenth –if you can tick those boxes, it’s definitely time to lean in! Conversely, if garlic and/or onions have been on the menu, make sure you have a mint (x2) to hand or forgetaboutit...

The above-waist-fondle

Either the kiss was that good that things progress further, or this happens after a few more dates. Either way, things are heating up. Usually, this stage goes hand in hand with the next, and depending on how things are going, you’ll know whether to suddenly fake a family emergency and show him the door, or to continue on to...

The below-waist fondle

Does he qualify to cross the panty-line? How quickly you get here and what you decide is really
dependent on how you feel. By now you should have an idea as to whether this Prince is really Charming. If he’s a total Lothario (LINK: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lothario) and you’re more of a one-guy girl, stay clear. Thing to remember: make sure you’re on the same page before you get to the next step – so there are no surprises. By all means, if you’re both looking for some fun, go ahead. After all, as R.Kelly so wisely crooned, there ain’t nothing wro-ong..with a little bump ‘n grind... (LINK: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAXxkNaRkp8)

The all-the-way

Looks like he’s made the cut! When you take this step depends on a number of factors, but make sure you’re clear about what you want from it, otherwise things could get messy. You may immediately realize that all you’re (both) after is a bit of fun, in which case why wait? Otherwise, you may reach this stage after a few more dates, during which you took the time to get to know a bit more about your new beau.My advice to you: If you see romantic dating potential in the guy, hold out a little longer just to be sure, but if all you feel is sexual tension, let it out!

Voilà. Unfortunately, no one can tell you that after 3 dates you’re allowed to take it up a notch, or that if you leave it longer than 10 dates to take him upstairs that he’ll lose interest and ditch you for an easy ride. Ultimately, you, your date and what you want from your own particular situation will dictate how fast or slow you move. I’ll leave you with the three golden (and general) rules you should keep in mind: go with the flow, don’t let yourself be pressured, and above all, trust your instincts.

Simple! Right..?

Emily Bate is a writer for 3six5dates, which follows four women in four cities as they take on 365 dates between them. To find out more about dating dos and don’ts and how our girls “go with the flow”, check out 3six5dates.

You can follow Emily on Twitter @EmBateSays or on LinkedIn here.

Making Moves & Relationships

I was reading an article the other day about relationship status Facebook trends. I discovered that December 25th is the day with the highest number of break ups, I considered this particularly ironic because most think of the holidays as a time to spread love, joy, and cheer. My yoga instructor put it best when she said, during the winter we are spread in two directions: retreating from the elements and wanting to crowd our schedules and do all of our endless tasks. The pull can be trying and taxing on us physically and mentally. But is the changing seasons in our environment, or lack thereof have any effect on our relationships? As I have said goodbye to many friends who have left for warmer climates, I have noticed something they all have in common: the stability of climate had a positive affect on friends, grounding them and focusing their efforts. Many of them said they didn't even notice the holiday times and weren't stressed by it. Well in Dc, in the middle of rainstorms, metro delays, and crowded malls it's almost impossible not to notice the hecticness of the holidays. But if your surrounded by palm trees and warm weather, I'de imagine it would be a bit different. With the fluidity of the year and stable environment, it's easy for people to be content whether they are single or attached. Environment isn't everything in a relationship and of course there are many other factors involved, but Im simply suggesting if the decision is to move to New York or LA, picking LA may dramatically improve your outlook and relationships.

The transition from cold to warm climate can be tricky though, and I'm not just talking about taming your frizz in the humidity, but adjusting to the change in pace and new attitude of the place you're moving. They say "When in Rome do as the Romans do" so as many of you are coming to cross roads in life and decisions of moving are put forth I challenge you to think about which location can offer you the most of what you're looking for- and move there! Are you looking for a lot of flings, try Vegas. Want to attract artsy, creative people, move to the village in New York. Want someone exotic and high energy? Miami would be right for you. Want to find an active outdoor type, Boulder is the place for you then. So do you want a dramatic change? Or will you stay in your mindset? If so, maybe you want to stay close to home. I have seen too many friends make bad decisions on their move and they end up hating it because they felt like they stick out like a sore thumb. My only exception to this rule is not to move somewhere for someone, if you want to move, Do it independently. And as New Years is approaching and you consider your resolutions, consider moving can be the easiest way to change your mindset, your experiences, and your life. Birds migrate South for the winter, maybe there's a point to that.

Xoxo,

Ms, Date Guru

Has Modern Dating Gone Two Steps Forward or Two Steps Back?

Hello readers! I'm proud to announce my partnership with a new international Blog 3six5 Dates as guest blogger. I will be delivering my insight and experience in American dating, cultural, and societal trends. I urge you to follow my posts on that site as they will include a different angle from the material on Ms. Date Guru. I will be preview my blogs on Ms. Date Guru and am welcome to feedback, praises, and criticisms. Here in my first blog I explain the progress, or lack there of, we have made since the times of feminism. Enjoy! and as always email comments and/or feedback to msdateguru@gmail.com


In this modern economic turmoil that rivals The Great Depression, we start to uncover certain inalienable truths and basic human instincts brought on by these times of desperation. We’ve come a long way from the struggles of the feminist movement where female philosophers preached, “women don’t need men,” or so we think. Now that our economy, government, and world climate crisis makes things seem more unstable than ever, many women are finding that they actually do need men.

Considering women have come a long way since the days of feminism: we can vote, we can work, we have reproductive freedoms, there’s still more to go: getting a woman in the White House, earning more than $.077 for every $1.00 a man makes, and minimizing domestic expectations on women. According to many recent studies women are marrying and having children later than past generations, not only in the U.S. but in China as well. We have more freedom over the paths our lives and careers take but still, I hear some women who would trade in their progressive rights for a 1950’s nuclear family lifestyle.

Maybe the reason women generally make $.077 to the $1.00 on men is because of their lack of drive. The esteemed John Gray, noted this as a key difference in his classic, Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus; men are driven more by power whereas women are driven more by relationships. So for most women, it’s easier to settle down and get married than land that dream job. Still there are many power women out there like: Oprah, Samantha Jones played by: Kim Cattral from Sex and the City, Sarah Palin, Beyonce Knowles, and Lynette Scavo played by Felicity Huffman from Desperate Housewives that are esteemed in their perspective industries and can balance work and a personal life. But finding that balance while maintaining femininity can be tricky for some women.

While some women like to pay the bills, many women now, rather have them paid. With the increasing popularity and prevalence of social media websites, online dating is a natural evolution in our modern, technologically driven world. The sites went from tame, networking sites like Facebook and Twitter, to ways to find singles like Craigslist, and ok cupid and now, to more tailored sites made to suit specific interests. The most provocative of these websites recently published are Seeking Arrangements, and What’s Your Price. These site promise “generous” daters promising users anything from a paid first date, to a sugar baby relationship, it’s geared towards students who need fast cash to pay off loans. It’s as easy as setting up a free account, posting a picture, setting your “allowance” and press search.

Or what about the women who flirt to get ahead? My friend in broadcast journalism has claimed to flirt with the head anchor in order to secure a job for graduation and beat out the other interns. Some may think this is a natural, acceptable method to use other may think it’s shows reliance on sex appeal. Take the famous example of Demi Moore, she dated a heartthrob in the 80’s, Bruce Willis at his peak in the 90’s, and then Ashton Kutcher in his peak in the 2000’s where she made a fiery comeback. Coincidence? I think not. Is it wrong to use sex appeal to climb your way up the corporate ladder? When you’re young can you make more money with your body or your mind? In this day and age have we actually improved from the days of feminism? Or have we taken two steps back?

So I leave you with this musical entertainment an indicator of our societal expectations. Are women just looking for some to pay their Bills, Bills, Bills?

Decode Her Text

This is my first installment of my weekly podcast on PodOmatic

Tune in on Fridays at 3 pm to the Ms. Date Guru Podcast whether your at work in the office, on a study break, or you have a question of your own. Ms. Date Guru and Bernardo Guardi are here to offer you our male/female perspective on all your toughest dating issues each week. to participate just email your dating question to msdateguru@gmail.com. We have been bombarded with inquiries lately so we're opening the floor for REAL and interactive dating advice each week. So what are you waiting for? Ask Ms. Date Guru!

Dream Guy VERSUS Dead Beat

This list came about during an innocent brainstorming session with my smart and talented friend, Amanda. I hope you like this wisdom as much as we liked preparing it. What to do when you're just not sure which category your guy falls in, just consult the guidelines below. With kind regards, Amanda and Jessica (Ms. Date Guru), future New York Times Best Selling Authors.

DREAM GUY:

- Confident
- Successful/Ambitious
- Supportive, Caring
- Has a connection with me and attraction
- Security (ability to provide)
- Takes Initiative
- Strong enough to carry me to the bed without struggling
- Tall (5'10" - 6'3")
- Sense of Humor (prevents awkward situations)
- Does not stumble over his words when he is talking to you
- His actions speak louder than his words
- Says more than "good morning" and "goodnight" when he sits across from you at the office for a year
- Puts up a good chase(persistent) and earns the catch
- Doesn't kill the suspense
- last but not least...dark hair

DEAD END DUDE:

- Lying
- Won't Give Real Name
- Makes Excuses ("My Mom says I don't spend enough time at home. So I can't come over, can you come to my house?! *Age 24*)
- Makes plans then cancels, then asks if you want to hang out rather late
- Tries to keep you a secret
- Has a lame job/no job
- Lives with Mommy and Daddy
- Is all talk
- Dead-end ambition
- Lack of Focus
- Does not prioritize me
- Being a Hero (ditches me to break up a fight and be a superhero)
- Vain
- Goofball/Clown
- Grabs my face
- Doesn't want a yacht
- bulky Meat Heads /Jersey Shore guys

To Catch A Cheater

Cheating is more prevalent than you think. Everywhere I turn, I see it. Whether it's out to lunch where I see a couple one with a wedding band and one without, to the college party where my sorority sisters cheat on their long distance boyfriends, or my friends' parents, you can't deny it happens...a lot. As Ms. Date Guru, I have come across research to further my knowledge in my future career as a marriage counselor, I have come across some statistics from the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy that prove quite troubling. They found that 60% of married men and 50% of married women will likely have an extramarital affair at some point in their marriage. And since it's unlikely that most of these adulterers are married to each other, the current statistics project that cheating happens in 80% of all marriages! And since relationships are founded in trust, cheating ruins the bedrock of relationships and cause psychological suffering. The older you get the more you get insecure you get in your relationship because your choices dwindle. Now in our 20's and 30's we are bombarded with choices from Facebook to online dating sites which make looking for a match similar to catalogue shopping. But knowing what we know about cheaters, would you want a product that can do all the detective work for you? Would you want to just know and move on? How much time would be saved if we can rest assured knowing cheaters will be uncovered? How many heart breaks would be prevented? In our new world of social networking and communications Big Brother is always watching. Take this survey to rate your attitudes on uncovering digital cheaters just follow the link, How Far Would You Go To Catch A Cheater? Survey

To find out more about Cheater's Hell Like us on Facebook and Join the facebook group,

To follow Cheater's Hell and get all updates follow us on Twitter at @Cheaters_Hell

Update on Ms. Date Guru

Hey fans! As I have acquired a fan following the expectation for expansion and growth has been more and more pressing. I'm proud to announce I am working on a website www.MsDateGuru.com that will include the blog and more! There are more ways to contact me than through facebook, I will answer any queston directly through email msdateguru@gmail.com or twitter @msdateguru tag/reply. I have listened to your inquiries and wish to make this a more interactive venue for asking questions and sharing ideas so I will be featuring a discussion board where you can ask your Q&A's even anonymously as you wish. And a Facebook page is coming soon (during break from paper writing and studying for Senior finals). I will be working with my partner aka Casanova and will make a public introduction and launch in June. We will be providing dating consulting services including, but not limited to, online dating/social networking profile creation/editing/optimization coaching, digital and telecoaching, match making, style and image consulting, professional photography for social networking/online dating profiles (including location, styling, wardrobe, hair, and make-up), customized coaching packages including expert consultations (personal training, personal shopper, hair stylist), programs to intercepts cheater's emails (Cheater's Hell). We will also be organizing events such a Ms. Date Guru Launch Party this summer in Washington's new rooftop lounge hotspot, Ozio 1813 M St. NW Washington, D.C. (202) 822.6000 date and time to be announced! We are also working with Elite Entertainment doing pick-up seminars, speed dating events with real schmoozing after free entry to party/social networking events like happy hours, clubs, and lounges. Don't fret, I am still developing content and have and will be writing for National Examiner, Huffington Post, Rachel Russo's Dear Mr. It Boy and more. Try to spot me out commented on dating discussions boards on Reddit, Yourtango, and 3six5dates. And I just had a photoshoot by award winning DC photographer, Alfredo Flores.

Tell me your thoughts, share your suggestions. My fans have encouraged and motivated me to follow my dream and I want to show my appreciation by listening to your feedback, because it got me where I am today.

The Gay Code: What To Do When a Gay Guy Hits On You

Homophobia is in the past but still sometimes my guy friend voice to me their struggles warding off gay guys. What do you do if you’re a straight guy in a club and you get hit on by a gay guy? Sometimes gay men are too ruthless and they keep pressing on, this was evident to me when a gay guy hit on my boyfriend and wouldn’t resist until I was publically making out with him. There’s 3 common routes to evade the problem from most direct to indirect here it goes. My boyfriend Nick, is blunt he takes the aggressive route and he makes it clear that he’s not gay and not interested. But the midway is my friend, Sohrab who is polite, isn’t rude but doesn’t indulge them in conversation either. He has even gotten free drinks from gay men before. He thanks them is polite and then moves on. My friend Kash is the nice guy who doesn’t want to act homophobic in the slightest sense and stays social so as to not hurt his feelings. Which approach is the best? I think that it’s unfair to lead a guy on as I have known girls who have been lead on my gay guys and get really hurt in the end. Is it better to be direct and honest or is it best to be polite and possibly lead a guy on? I need YOUR feedback! To celebrate my gay love I will be publishing GBF, My Gay Best friend Post coming soon! Because every girl wants a gay best friend

Can You Really Date a Gay Guy?

Homosexuality is a fairly new concept for our society. SOme think that it is determined at birth, other think it is learned. I remember m dad expressing concern that I would turn lesbian if I hadn't had a lot of guy over in a while. But I have a friend who was dating a guy for over 3 months before she found out he was gay! My friend, Sam just told me about how she was dating a guy who went to the same art school as her and she had never suspected anything from him by judging by their relationship or sex life. Then months later, when she was at the club with GBF (Gay Best Friend) she noticed then exchanging more then friendly glance. She didn't think anything was up until she couldn't find him anywhere in the club. So she left to the hotel they were both staying at and found her boyfriend in her GBF's room hooking up! She was shocked and she was upset for a while when she saw it happening but she decided that she was over it. She wasn't upset at her GBF, in fact I was surprised to hear she was actually grateful for him because it saved her from wasting even more time with him. She thought what gives? Why would someone pretend they were straight when they really weren't? But I think our society and sexuality education program in the U.S. emphasizes the importance of heterosexuality and people who don't fit inside that bubble feel as though they are weird when really they are just expressing their own unique sexuality. SOme call them fair weather fags, others call them indecisive. When I talked to Sexperts recently Dr Charles and Amy Miron, who said that sexuality is defined in your body by the time you reach age seven. Of course it is shocking and crude, what would you have done in that situation? Do you think sexuality is pliable? Put your opinions below.

Wise Advice to Young Men From Socialite Dwayne Mckie

I recently met DC socialite Dwayne McKie for dinner at his favorite restaurant, Ambrosia Grill. Unlike his online persona of being a playboy, who travels internationally and has friends wordlwide, I was surprised to he was very friendly and talkative. He was looking back on a lot of lessons he learned early on in the social scene of Washington D.C. He says that younger guys go crazy when they see an attractive women so that all their common sense goes out the window. He says white men go crazy over breasts while, Hispanic and Black men go crazy over "ass". He finds that even with his good reputation, buying women a drink will not impress them. In fact, he told me recently when he had a bar tab and bought some ladies he met some drinks, they left the club as soon as they were done drinking! So unlike his sweet disposition, he is always ready to fold. This is his biggest trick to relationships, the best way to get a girlfriend is by sitting back and waiting to see what happens. He says that getting a girlfriend is mostly luck which is affected by random encounters and even karma. He says that once a girl knows you’re looking for a relationship, she will be less enthusiastic about one. At the end of the day he says women have the power to say no but he tries to keep women on their toes working for HIS attention. This is his Love Potion, leaving the option to move on. You need to continually check in on your relationship. The best partners are ones who insure themselves, and their mates are satisfied. It's unhealthy to assume that you will always be together, I think. Real life is not fairy tale romance like you see in movies. Hope you enjoyed these wise words from a wise man.

Advice on Love and Sex From Dr. Charles and Amy Miron

Last week I was intrigued to find out there were two sex experts coming to the University of Maryland- Dr. Charles and Amy Miron . When I met them I instantly thought, they were a cooler version of Meet the Fockers. They are members of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and teach sex education classes together at a community college in Baltimore. They shed some powerful insight on the dynamics of relationships and sex. They have been working together for decades which is why I asked them for their tips for couples having a romantic and business relationship. They said it is possibly to mix business with pleasure, they enjoy being together during the work day due to their good conflict resolution skills, having a strong sense of self and partner, and sticking up for themselves but at the same time still compromising. Similar to working together, living together will also give you shared experiences that might help you gather insight on whether or not your partner is right for you. They said the only way to know whether or not to settle down (or get married) to someone is to go through time and trauma with them. An anonymous question was asked about whether it was appropriate to move in with a boyfriend and they assured us that moving in is a test drive phase but to follow the two year rule. After two years, you will know if your relationship has enough to grow and share a life together. They didn’t refer to each other as husband and wife but Amy dearly described Charles as her “best friend and life partner”. They praise monogamous sex, and claim no sex is safe sex but use of condoms are safest. In terms of relationships, they support consensual monogamous sex, they have been happily married for 43 years. The thing that I found most intriguing was their sexual "limor" diminishing any preconceptions about love fading with age. They stressed that everyone has unique sexual drives and ticks. They have a unique language for the different tastes in sex. They believe have 3 basic "flavors" which are: love sex, fun sex, and sex sex. Love Sex is the deep sensual sex you see in movies that is tender. It is characterized by both partners are actively in touch Fun sex is for fun, instead of watching t.v. or playing a game together. And sex sex is sex that happens when you need to just scratch an itch, having sex to get it out of your system. And they give back too! They have been organizing a sex retreat for 9th graders to apply creative group building and teaching techniques that reach further beyond sex education in the classroom. They taught me, as an aspiring marriage counselor that marriage can last and be successful even after time. And shared their secret to having a successful relationship- asking what YOU can do to improve their relationship instead of pointing fingers or blame on your partner to put in more effort.