Decoding The Five Love Languages:

        Do you wish your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancé/wife/husband, said “I Love You” more? Or are you more of an ‘Actions Speak Louder than Words’ type of person? Well people are different; we all speak different love languages (LL). What makes one person feel loved, will not necessarily make another person feel loved. By nature, we tend to express love to our partners in the way we wish they would express love to us. We treat people the way we would like to be treated. When our partner doesn't respond positively to our expressions of love, we get frustrated. 

        The intention or sincerity of our love is not the problem; the problem is that we are speaking the wrong love language. Like Drake said, "I can teach how to speak my language, Rosetta Stone." By reading this blog and learning about the Love Languages, I help you understand how to interpret your relationships with others in general, help you decode your own LL and that of your partners, and allow you to apply what you’ve learned to charge your partners love tank, enhance communication, and strengthen your bond. So instead you'll be singing, "Now you're talking my language, now you're talking my language"

         There are 5 love languages which I will explain in great detail: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Quality Time. To find out your own exact LL use Dr. Gary Chapman’s online inventory at www.5lovelanguages.com/profile 

In order to easily decode your partner’s love language you don’t need them to fill out the inventory just notice the things they complain/whine about the most. Complaints, while annoying, actually can reveal insight into our partner’s inner longing for emotional love. Below are some common examples you might have heard:

* "We never spend any time with each other anymore. We're like two ships passing in the dark." (Quality Time)

* "I can't do anything right around here. All you ever do is criticize. I can never please you." (Words of Affirmation)

* "You mean you didn't bring me anything? Did you even miss me while you were gone?" or “What do you mean you didn’t get me anything for my birthday?” (Receiving Gifts)

* "I don't think you would ever touch me if I didn't initiate it." Or “I don’t feel wanted, do I even turn you on?” (Physical Touch)

* "If you loved me, you would offer to help me out, you never lift a finger." Or “Why didn’t you take out the trash? I’ve asked you twice already” (Acts of Service)

Words of Affirmation: 

Like Mark Twain once said, “I could live 2 months off a good compliment” He spoke the LL of Words of affirmation, people like this love to receive compliments, encouragement, kind words. They appreciate being acknowledged for a job well done and to be recognized for all their abilities & accomplishments. Try to offer your emotional support, listen to them and the things that are important to them. Give them reasons why they are so loved, cherished, special, desired, or appreciated if you want to really fill up their love tank. Most importantly, give them 2-3 geniune heartfelt compliments, words of appreciation, and encouragement daily. If you cannot readily think of anything positive or noteworthy to say then you are TAKING YOUR PARTNER FOR GRANTED- or maybe you need to reevaluate your relationship. If you’re the former, I listed some ideas for words of affirmation. For more examples click here: http://ebonny.hubpages.com/hub/Words-of-Affirmations-Examples-Love-Language

•                I’m here for you

•                You’re effort and persistence is astounding

•                I love you, need you, want you

•                I feel blessed to have you in my life

•                I’m so glad you chose me

*Note: Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. One of the differences between men and women is their preferences for Men prefer words of affirmation centered around their ability or accomplishments whereas women prefer words of affirmation directed toward their appearance or their disposition.

Acts of Service:

          These are the people who say, “Actions Speak Louder than Words” or as I like to say Actions > Words. The ones who speak this LL appreciate little gestures of kindness to show you care. If you don’t live with your partner doing them favors when they need it or asking them if they need anything would be a great place to start. If you do live with your partner than try picking up more chores around the house or helping out with errands to improve the status of your relationship.

Examples are: helping out with cooking/laundry, pitching in with a project they are working on, or giving them a ride to work if they are running late. 

Quality Time: 

        

         People who speak the LL of Quality Time want to spend lots of time with their partner. These people are the ones who would get fed up fast with long distance relationships, and would prefer to travel with their partner for business rather than staying home. They would be content just being with their partner even if they are not doing anything in particular. If you’re with a partner who values Quality Time and you don’t it may appear that they are acting “clingy” but going out of your way to spend less “me time” and more “we time” can really go a long way to improve the relationship in their eyes. If you’re partner is a Quality Time partner and you’re a workaholic you might even want to find ways to integrate your partner in the activities that are draining the most time or even think about hiring someone to take care of small tasks to free up more of your time- this will really show your partner that you care.  

Receiving Gifts:

         Giving & receiving gifts has been a part of human social conduct since our cave men days. It is a primal expression of love, we even have holidays set up established to give gifts, but people whose main LL is receiving gifts appreciate getting gifts for no apparent reason. Whereas the Quality Time LL partner would be mad if their partners traveled without bringing them along, the receiving gifts LL partner would be more upset that their partner didn’t bring them a souvenir than being apart from their partner. 

         You don’t have to shell out a lot of cash to shower your Receiving Gifts partner with attention- buying them little tokens of appreciation along the course of your normal day or making them baked goods is all it takes for them to feel loved. But just don’t make the mistake of forgetting your anniversary or Valentine’s Day or their birthday, they place special attention on gift giving holidays and will be deeply hurt if your gift is late or too humble. But what they appreciate the most is when there was a lot of thought or effort put into a gift or surprise, that will really make them feel loved. 

Physical Touch: 

        People who value physical touch place a high value on the sexual connection in their relationships. But in addition, they like to give affection like scratching their partner’s backs, holding hands, give massages, and other forms of PDA. These people tend to make physical contact with even their friends or co-workers, they might touch someone’s arm to make a point. Or they may tell new acquanitances upon meeting, “No handshakes, I’m a hugger.” 

         This is possibly the easiest LL difference to detect. If for example, you are low on Physical Touch but for your partner it is the most prominent, you may feel like your partner doesn’t desire you, or isn’t feeling romantic feelings for you when really that’s not the case, you’re just speaking different love languages. This difference may be the hardest to overcome. For some learning the LL of touch may be difficult or impossible. For example, victims of abuse or people who come from Eastern cultures may feel uncomfortable being physically close to their partner not matter how hard they try. It may come off as cold but it’s really attributed to their experiences, early childhood experiences, or even their culture. 

            Showing your physical touch partner your love is simple, just kiss them, hug them, move the hair out of their face, or give them a neck rub. If your partner is significantly more sexual than you try to incorporate some things you like to peak your interest like: different outfits, lubes, and accessories. Do things that make you feel sexy and you’ll see your Physical Touch partner’s love tank won’t ever be on E. 

So there you have it, now you will be able to tell your partner that you're talking their language. To learn more about the Love Languages, read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, click here to order on Amazon.

The Dating Clock: Do You Know What Time It Is?

I would first like to dedicate this post to the extremely intelligent and talented future psychologist of America, Irina Tchinia, Not only is she an inspiration to me, I’m so proud to call her my childhood best friend and I hope someday future partner in practice. Thank you Serena for inspiring this blog and I hope many more to come!

Now let me preface this by saying that the Dating Clock is a simple concept meant to help people classify (or I hate this word but still people insist using it, “label”) their dating relationships so as to: clear up confusion, align proper expectations and protect themselves from a broken heart…and if nothing else give you a good laugh or two imagining people in your life and your friends’ lives that fit into each category.

The time range is completely relative, considering people have different kinds of life styles and work different hours. Some people are naturally morning people, others night owls. But generally speaking, these guidelines should help spell out the common dating classifications and help you realize that timing really is everything and that the time you are dating your partner may imply more than you think.

Now for the bad news, getting “In Sync” is really important at the start of a dating relationship no matter which category below you’re in. It’s often hard to strike a timing harmony with the person you’re dating (like a DJ trying to make a mash up of a jazz record and a hard metal track) which may cause the romance to fizzle whether or not you have a strong attraction or compatibility. You can try to combat this making concessions here and there slowly adjusting your schedule if you think the connection is worthwhile. Beware of coxcombs: Make sure you notice their behavior and stop treating them like a priority the moment you notice they treat you like an option.

12:00pm (Noon)  The Lunch Date:

You two are in the pre-hookup phase of your relationship. There’s no commitment. There might be an innocent flirtation, but you’re still trying to feel each other out. It may be a friend or co-worker “friend zoned” until you figure out whether or not, if ever, you want to take them out of the friend zone and into another category.

3:00-5:00pm The Afternoon Delight:

You sneak out of work early occasionally to see them or just text them for a mid day booty call. Typically they opt for quickies, The Afternoon Delight, doesn’t entertain you in deep conversation preferring instead to dash out to their next appointment/engagement (sometimes a formal date unbeknownst to you).

7:00-9:00pm  The Formal Date:

You tend to meet at dinners by candlelight or an elaborately planned excursion. This guy doesn’t hesitate to pull out all the stops and the Benjamins to impress you but deep down he is just looking for someone who doesn’t want his money, but rather the time they can spend together. Maybe you’ve shared a kiss or two but you’re hesitant to take it to the next level because you need more time to decide and often find a reason to skip out ASAP (even faking an emergency call from your BFF if necessary).

Midnight- The Friends With Benefits (FWB):

You’re comfortable enough with each other that you can see each other when you get that feeling and need sexual healing. But can also stay up and recount stories about your weekend and your perspective sexcapades. It’s typical for FWB’s to skip the cuddling and sleep in their perspective beds…or they might sleep over, share a cup of coffee with you and go on their merry way first thing in the morning!

3:00-5:00am The Booty Call:

Maybe you’ve slept with them before, maybe it was last month, maybe it was last year. It could be a one night stand or perhaps a buddy you run into whose circles overlap with yours. You know the possibility of rejection is a harsh reality often causing you to send multiple texts to different people in order to raise your chances. Never a certainty, the booty call often suffers from the closing time effect where they start to worry about who they’ll go home with at the end of the night rather than planning it in the beginning of the night. Just make sure you don’t go to bed with a ten and wake up with a 6!

8:00-11:00am  The Keeper:

He’s the one you wake up with and know you’ll spend the rest of the day together. The one that doesn’t get on your nerves after spending the whole weekend together. At this point you’re probably close to discussing being mutually exclusive or becoming official whether or not you put a label on it or are public with it. Some hopeless romantics may even entertaining thoughts of introducing them to your family or being Facebook official. But don’t fall too fast, a candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. Click on the video below and read the lyrics to get a more in depth explanation: Rather Be By: Clean Bandit Feat. Jess Glynne. 

Caption: It’s easy being with you, sacred simplicity. As long as we’re together, there’s no place I’de rather be. 

Emotionally Unavailability: What it is, Why It Happens & How to Break the Pattern

           After one too many swipes on Tinder your finger is cramping, and you finally come to the realization that everyone you date is a commitaphobe. You think, “If every person I met wasn’t so emotionally unavailable I would actually find that long lasting relationship I’ve always hoped for right?” WRONG. You probably think the problem can’t be you. You’re the one that’s trying to stay in contact, making the plans, making the effort all in hopes that it will lead to a genuine connection with someone you can mutually love, support, and care for.

Then again your problem is you've unknowingly created a pattern of pursuing/falling for people that are emotionally unavailable, and in that case, this article is for you. For the sake of convenience let’s refer to the emotionally unavailable as “EmoNavi”. You may think the solution is as simple as trying to date different emotionally balanced people or taking yourself off the market but there’s no way around it. 

The only way to stop being attracted to EmoNavi is to work on becoming more Emotionally Balanced yourself. 

And the only way to start becoming more Emotionally Balanced is to recognize why you’re not. I will take you through the characteristics, how to identify the reason for pursuing EmoNavi, and how to break the pattern for good so that you can finally move on, and welcome healthy, new relationships in your life.

It’s just like Mr. Big said on Sex & the City:

 “She can reach me but I can’t get her. Ever!”

Often times when someone is emotionally unavailable, it makes them physically unavailable too. They are constantly tied up with something, unresponsive, or have a wealth of excuses as to why they can’t be there for you. But the EmoNavi won’t flinch to call you or knock on your door if they are in pain or in need of some physical or emotional reassurance for their problems. But note: this can also be a trait of unbridled narcissism along with EmoNavi, perhaps your partner may be a little of both?

Not only are the EmoNavi un-reliable with plans to get together they are wishy washy in their communications as well. Examples of this are: going long periods of time without any communication, trying to track you down through mutual friends instead of contacting you directly, other times EmoNavi may partake in passive communication like chatting, commenting/liking your social media, sending snap chats all to avoid real, direct, communication. Your friends might ask you, “How’s _________” and the only thing you can say is “I have no idea,” that’s a telling sign your partner is EmoNavi.

        Often times, people get tied into these relationship because of patterns that make them attracted to EmoNavis (detailed in the next section), or because we see their potential so we buy into their excuses actually believing them, or it could be both.

Just remember when you give someone a CHANCE, it’s because you really want them to CHANGE.

But you can’t expect anyone to want to change except for themselves, and for that reason the 3 strike rule is a good measure to follow. You need to set the bar on how your partner treats you. If you’re allowing EmoNavi to be distant, act one way in one setting and then be MIA for a week, making the bare minimum effort without so much of an acknowledgement…You’re letting them assign your value, probably lower than you actually deserve. Bottom line: If you’re dating someone who not only doesn’t ask about you but who also doesn’t seem to know what you’re up to on a day-to-day level, well it might be time to reassess the situation.

Reasons for Pursuing/Falling For EmoNavis:

While most dating articles or blogs will not mention this I think my readers should know: If you’re pursuing EmoNavis and continuously fall for them, you are EmoNavi too! Most people who are emotionally balanced and 100% available repel EmoNavis for the most part, due to their confidence armour which doesn’t allow them to feel comfortable in an EmoNavi situation for very long. Important to note though, that some EmoNavi behaviors or red flags may be hard to decode/notice at first but after 3 or 4 dates the emotionally balanced come to find the truth and start running for the hills.

How To Break The Pattern:

By simply stopping and reading this blog up to this point, you are acknowledging awareness that you or someone you know is dealing with the EmoNavi problem, and that is the first step to change. By being open to using some of the suggestions detailed below you will start to internalize these healing mechanisms that will actually help eliminate the codependency patterns you have reinforced. By removing co-dependant habits you will notice an increase self-efficacy, confidence, so that you fall back in love with yourself again. And most importantly, removing EmoNavi habits will make you whole and able to welcome love in your life in a new & healthy way. So what to do? 

Identify a pattern you keep repeating. Some common examples: Rushing into sex too quickly, having a chaotic lifestyle, not dating long enough, falling for someone too fast, avoiding transparency & openness early on in the relationship, or something else you had no idea you were doing (your close friends or family may be able to help you with that). 

Relinquish Your Need to Control. Stop doing the emotional chasing. You don’t have to be right all the time, if you’re partner doesn’t agree with something you want it’s not always about you. Let the powerless feeling sink in, it’s impossible to control your partner without force so be more accepting.

Live by TAO. This is one of my golden rules of relationships, in general, from work to family to romantic relationships and it is particularly applicable in this case in order to build trust with your partner. EmoNavi tend to have difficulties becoming emotionally balanced because they are so hurt and cannot build real, lasting trusting bonds with others. 

T- Transparency: Be forthcoming with what you tell your partner, stressing the importance of communication. Never give your partner a reason to question you. Transparency is perhaps the biggest pillar of trust

A- Acceptance: Be accepting of all of your partners past, present, and future worries especially when it comes to their ex, family/work issue or whatever else is making them EmoNavi. Knowing that they have your unconditional love and support can help them heal their emotional wounds just like putting Neosporin and a Band-Aid would heal a flesh wound.

O- Openness: Answer all questions or worries, help them feel reassured. It’s when you don’t think of holding anything back or hiding anything about what you do or feel to your partner. 

Keep in mind, that you don't need to change everything about yourself- you just need to switch your focus. Specifically, you need to switch from focusing your energy into obtaining EmoNavi’s affection to focusing on your own personal and emotional needs. Focus your time and energy on the friends and family members that you trust, instead of channeling most of your energy on EmoNavi. Outline where you want to be and where you think you are now. Notice that your need for affection and intimacy will not make or break you. Once you cherish yourself everyone will see your light shine from the inside out and when you least expect it, someone amazing might stroll into your life... just make sure your shoes are shined!

The Daddy Issue Series Volume I

Your legs aren't a pair of scissors, CLOSE THEM!

             

 Daddy Issues is the modern day derivation coming from the Electro Complex developed by my favorite psychologist Carl Jung. It comes from the notion that women harvest some sort of sexual attachment with their fathers, many might question the notion but it remains that when women don’t receive the proper attention from their fathers, she may seek to find that attention from other men.

So How Exactly do you Identify Women with Daddy Issues?

Women with these “Daddy Issues” commonly manifest this lack of attention from their fathers in: excessive flirtation, promiscuity, dressing provocatively, tendencies towards exhibitionism, sexual aggressiveness, and any kind of emotional hang ups either personally, socially, or in relationships. 

How Do You Deal With Problems Associated with Women who Harbor Daddy Issues?

·      Sexual Aggressiveness: If a woman is impatient to hit the sack with you then it is up to the man to hit the brakes on it. Try to schedule a date before doing the deed in order to get to know her better. Showing her that you’re trying to get to know her will hint that she should tone down her sexuality and she will instantly put you in a different category which will impress her.

·      Excessive Flirting: This probably attracted you to her in the first place but now you just can’t take it anymore. Put your foot down and tell her it’s not okay and take it as a sign she needs more attention from you whether it be intimate attention or physically, she is not getting a need met if she is flirting excessively with other men.

Is It Possible to Change These Women from Daddy Issues to Girlfriend Material?

Yes. Glad you asked. Women with Daddy Issues are generally acting out to fix a significant wound inside themselves. They are not to be blamed for such behavior because it is caused by external forces of  trauma and terror brought on by their fathers, or more commonly lack thereof.  Blaming these women or calling them sluts is just cruel after reading what they go through like in the following excerpt:

“My parents divorced when I was 6, and after that, my father virtually vanished from my life. When I was 12, he relinquished all parental rights so he wouldn't have to pay child support. His desertion created a void that inevitably left me feeling unloved and insecure. After all, if your dad doesn't love you, why should anyone else?         As a teen, I transferred those feelings of inadequacy to my relationships with guys. I'd dump boyfriends quickly, scared that if I didn't, they'd beat me to it. When I got to college, my insecurities took on a more passive form: I'd stay with men who did drugs and cheated on me.” - Excerpt from Marie Clair article

But these women can be changed (Take Angelina Jolie for example).  Once you show her enough attention she won’t need to look else where to get the attention she is seeking.  Once women find inner peace with their fatherly issues, like in Angelina Jolie’s case she stopped talking to her dad and starting traveling the world doing humantarian aid, but whatever makes you happy right? For more information on getting over these issues or helping your love interest, girlfriend, best friends that a girl, or etc… gift her this book “Where Were You When I Needed You, Dad?: A Guide for Healing Your Father Wounds” By Dr. Jane Myers

There is more to come to stay tuned to this all inclusive Daddy Issue Series....

How to Raise Testosterone Levels & Last Longer

 Last Longer Naturally with this Simple Diet Regime         

        Have you ever heard about those people that talk about having sex for hours and think it’s nothing more than a romantic ideal perpetuated by unrealistic expectations from media, porn, and lying friends with big mouths? Well if that’s the case, you are wrong…this type of sexual bliss can be easily achieved with a few small adjustments that cause your testosterone levels to increase.

                Sexual Performance is closely tied to general health... and so is sex drive for that matter. For example, sexual impotence and erectile dysfunction disorder is usually more closely tied to poor circulation than any other emotional or sexual problems. Some people that take Viagra are often suffering from poor functioning hearts and would be better off Aspirin. (This is not intended to be medical advice, please consult with your doctor before starting any diet, medical or supplemental regime). T- levels naturally dip as time goes by due to age, radiation, plastics, and pollutants in general. Increasing and maintaining high levels of testosterone helps men not only last longer, but it helps them maintain a strong and consistent sex drive that is a sign of a normal, healthy lifestyle, and most importantly is pleasurable to women. But even if you’re young, have healthy circulation, and BP there are some quick fixes to boosting your T levels for that special lady on that special night.

                My friend found much success with consistently increasing and maintaining his high T levels by using this regime and recommended it to me wholeheartedly. Follow these tips and you’ll be able to give to her Back to back, No interruption, All night long, On the bed, on the couch, In the shower, you get the idea….

         

           “The Day Before”: Ladies and Gents there are some things you can do in order to temporarily boosts yours ‘(Gents) or your partners (Ladies, unfortunately this doesn’t work for women, even though we have small amounts of Testosterone in our system boosting it makes you less feminine)

o   Eat 800 mg of “good cholesterol” within three hours of bedtime like 4 or more large whole eggs/egg yolks. This works because testosterone is derived from cholesterol, and primarily made during sleep…So don’t skimp on your 7-8 hours at least the night before the magic

o   4 hours Prior:

         §  2 Cod Liver Oil Pills

         §  21 Raw Almonds

         §  4 Raw Brazil Nuts            

 The Express Plan

          o   Take a ten minute (I would say short but a cold shower for any period of time feels long)shower/ice bath upon waking up and right before bed

           o   Cod Liver Capsules: Take 2 before bed, and 2 upon waking up

           o   Brazil Nuts: Take 3 of these nuts when you wake and 3 before bed

           o   Vitamin D Pills: (6,000-10,000 IU per day) To test your current levels buy this easy athome test on Amazon until you reach blood levels of 55 ng/ml 

 Long Term & Sustained Plan:

            o   Absorb Vitamin D naturally by exposing yourself to the sun for at least 30 minutes a day which should be easy during the summer months, maybe that’s the cause of “summer loves”haha

            o   Maintain nut, oil, and cholesterol regime

            o   Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables (avoid Asparagus and Pineapple is wonderful for men to consume. Why? Look it up : )

           o   Exercise 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week, Mix in cardio other than sex and include strength training. Muscle growth stimulates testosterone production a lot but it’s not overnight. The second glances from girls won’t hurt either.

Get those levels up or else your lover/girlfriend might run to someone that read this blog ; ) 

***For more in depth information, refer to this “Tripling Your Testosterone Cheat Sheet” online or print it out and leave it in your underwear drawer for an ongoing reminder. (Who said we can’t use cheat sheets just because we’re out of college) Compliments of 4HourLife.com http://www.scribd.com/full/50509373?access_key=key-24cbvzariinoa2gsrh8f

Are Woman With Many Male Friends to be Trusted?

So it’s been a looong day at work & I have been counting down the days to my female cousin’s birthday party tomorrow, mostly because I just moved to a new country and wanted to make some girlfriends in the area. This will be my first time meeting her friends so I asked her if she has a lot of girls coming to her party & she said a couple of her close friends from since she was little were coming and they all live hours away. So at first I was like great, I’ll be going to a sausage fest, but then I thought: What causes women to have many more male friends than girlfriends?

I dug around the internet and found this blog written by a womanizer Sinn called: “Never Trust a Girl with Too Many Guy Friends.” And wow, did he know what he was talking about. He pretty said that since women are naturally competitive with each other about picking the perfect mate (since the caveman days) due to the tested and accepted premises of evolutionary psychology. So, girls who don’t get along with other women and don’t have a lot of girlfriends are subconsciously doing it to eliminate competition. Girls are naturally supposed to get along better with other girls than men, remember my favorite book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.  

He said women who don’t have at leave 40% female friends tend to cheat infinitely more than girls who have an abundance of girlfriends. They can come off weird and needy to men because they don’t have the same level of support system with which to discuss their problems. And interestingly, he said that many of these women cheat simply because they are insecure due to the fact that they alienated by their own sex. Women who have mostly guy best friends can’t be trusted and under the same premise, men with mostly female friends are not to be trusted either.

To play devil’s advocate, sometimes women hold onto to guy friends because they want honest advice about men from a man. I mean although I dish out 10 times more advice than I receive, when I do ask my female friends for advice I usually get horrible advice from them that ends up backfiring on me either pushing the guy away or making me look desperate (to me, looking desperate is the Worst relationship poison). Weak men are threatened by their girlfriend’s abundance of guy friends, like in my case with my ex, and they will do everything they can to push these friends away including intimidation, threats, or even abusive social isolation.

The most common reason why women end up this way is because “Daddy Issues” we will delve into this in detail on my next blog…watch out for it early next week! Other reasons can be: they were a tomboy growing up, she had a close group of female friends that turned on her and traumatized her from being close with females again, she’s more interested in work or sports than hair and make-up and simply isn’t very feminine (and cannot relate), or she was raised by a single dad or a family with primarily males.

I’m not suggesting in anyway that girls in this situation should ex-communicate all their guy friends and go out trying to look for girl friends on every street corner. On the flip side, women with only girlfriends, and no guy friends,  aren’t to be trusted either. I mean any girl that can’t get along with half of the population has some sort of issue. The problem with these kind of girls is they might bring their girlfriends along on all of your nights out, expect you to pay for their girls, will refuse to be a “good sport” (by watching football games with their significant other or whatever other male activity they enjoy), and maybe worst will constantly be surrounding their boyfriends in girltalk. So men take your pick.

Is All Work and No Play Okay?

Or do we need to love in order to work well. Well we all know that one person in the office that is clearly over worked and under fucked. These over achievers have a full time job and are divorced from any kind of normal social life. You can tell because they drive everyone (except maybe the CEO) crazy and take work matters way too seriously. They make others in the workplace look bad because they may sometimes tattle about collegues’ phone, Facebook, and personal email use. So people are wondering, “Is it better to have a full time job and no life or a full time life and part-time job?” 

For the most part, work lives and love lives have been seen as polar opposite, non-overlapping life matters. But it’s hard to argue that there has to be some sort of relationship between work satisfaction and relationship satisfaction, no matter how small. I mean first of all, work relationships are fairly common just because the pool of eligible singles dramatically decreases as soon as one finishes undergrad. Even in graduate programs a significantly larger percentage of students are married or engaged compared to undergraduate programs.

Do we need to focus on work, instead of focusing on fun in our lives? Well Freud, the Father of Psychology, thinks not, he suggested that the overarching goal of psychotherapy is to allow the patient to love and to work. And notice he lists love first suggesting it may be first and foremost important. In fact, even employers looks for employees with stable family and love lives. It is far more useful for employers to hire someone with a wife and children because they know they have incentive to keep their job and they have the motivation to do the work that is expected from them.

Is it even beneficial to put work over love in the long term? To answer that, there is evidence the people with secure attachment styles are also very successful when it comes to work: they are less likely to put off work, are least likely to have difficultly completing tasks, they enjoy their vacation time, and are less likely to let work jeopardize their life. But those with alternative attachment are both unsuccessful at relationships and at work…so there is a connection! The exact connect cannot be pinpointed because not enough research has been conducted on the relation between the two.

             There is no reason that pursuing your personal life within reason has to come in between or sacrifice any of your work efforts. So if you’re waiting to plan your next vacation or if you’re weary of asking your boss to let you leave early to get ready for a hot date tonight, I hope you GO FOR IT!...... Not like I’m condoning sexting or Skyping during work...

But if you live a little then you’ll see you’ll work a little harder too.