How to Approach Differences in Money Managing Views in order to Strengthen Your Relationship, Not Weaken It

First, the problem is that you have to communicate your difference of opinion to your partner. Identify what it is that is bothering you. Is it that your partner is living paycheck to paycheck instead of being long-term oriented and saving? Is it that you think your partner is living a lifestyle that is too lavish, or too humble? Does your partner’s generosity make your uncomfortable, or do you wish he would be more generous. Dig deep and figure out what exactly you don’t like and identify that instance. Use the non-critical format to bring it up with your partner: “I felt (emotion) when (describe event) happened.” Don’t use the word, “you” that will help your partner feel less threatened and help you avoid nagging…because what’s worst than making your partner feeling nagged.

Traditionally, men know that using money is a strong tool to make women stay faithful, ensure they stay around, or in the case of relationship abuse…to control their partner. I was trained as a Violence Intervention Assistant and learned about characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and red flags of relationship abuse. Obviously you have to stray away from money habits that contribute to unhealthy or controlling relationships. As a woman, it is important to financially stable on your own or else you may risk slipping into an unhealthy relationship. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, Why Men Love Bitches, “You have to own the pink slip to your life”. Of course it is okay to accept meals and gifts from your partner, more on that in my blog, “Who’s the Real Whore” (link)

I have been hearing various inquiries about money advice from clients. According to Couples Magazine, “couples fight more about money than they do about sex”. And though I focus on relationships, dating, and sex in reality, financial issues are the number one reason for divorce currently, and sex is the second most common reason for divorce. Interestingly enough, there was a real world example on the talk show I saw, The Revolution. In the show, the woman was making double the salary than the man in the couple- they were talking about moving in together and she had doubts due to financial issues.

The Money advisor on the show said that dating is all about getting to know your financial boundaries. She agrees with me that you shouldn’t criticize your partner, just figure out what your financial goals and boundaries are. Talk about your parents’ spending habits; your current spending habits could have a lot to do with the past. She suggested trying a “Financial Fast” for 21 days, you can’t spend money except necessities and you can’t use any credit….hmmm Seems a little extreme for me I would much rather do a Juice Fast lol

Xoxo,

The Guru