Boys Say The Darndest Things

I know you've probably heard time and time again that guys will say anything to get you bed. People would tell me that guys would say they love you just to hook-up and I would always roll my eyes. But times have changed, guys now use sneakier lines and methods to get you to do the nasty. Sorry guys, but I'm uncovering your secrets now.

       A common line they use is, "Wanna come over and watch a movie," girls beware when you hear this, because boys have one thing on their mind and it isn't the movie. One of my friends recently shared an encounter where she went over a guy's house to watch a movie and when she tried to resist his advances he told her, "Did you really think that I JUST wanted to watch a movie?" Well yes, girls usually take what guys say for face value instead of looking at guy's intentions. 

    I was inspired by a song called First Date Sex by Mike Posner where he pretty much mentions all of them. In it he says, "I'll still call you 'cause I wanna f*** again". Wrong, guys think more clearly after the sex than before, he achieved his sexual conquests and will be less interested while women will become more interested. So you must assess men's intention. Be real with yourself if you're unsure and hold off on hooking up until you're confident he respects you.

Lipsticks He'll Love

In, Lipsticks He'll Love Tyra Banks helps shed some expert light on the best make-up to attract men....RED lipstick. This site offers a tone matching guide so you know the perfect red and pink for your own skin tone. Studies show that men are attracted to red more than any other color. It seems this may be due to the priming for sexual activity. They say that red triggers sexual thoughts because its reminiscent of the "sex flush" or rosey glow that forms during sexual arousal. The results show, men across the board would treat women who wear red in clothing or lip color better by being more willing to ask her on a date, spend more money on her, and want to sleep with her more. Either way, red gets boys' blood running. So if your single and looking for an instant update try red lip stick, it's gorgeous and polished. Think of the classic Old Hollywood look, red lipstick is seen all over the red carpet from Penelope Cruz, to Scarlett Johanson. And with the right shade, you will be making men drop like flies. One of my favorites,  YVES SAINT LAURENT ROUGE VOLUPTÉ Silky Sensual Radiant Lipstick SPF 15 in Red Temptation. It goes on like a dream, moisturizing and luxurious.

S.W.A.K. (Sealed with a Kiss)

He Who Is Recognized Is Appreciated

Recognition and Appreciation are fundamental in relational health. Sometimes the sources of issues in relationships are rooted in lack of these things. Popular methods of recognition can be non-verbal and mostly unconscious like: smiling, kissing, hugging, pat on the back, more attention etc. And of course can be communicated verbally as well in two words: THANK YOU. Using these words more often can be the easiest cure to a relationship common cold. Below are some key points to keep in mind:

* When men don't feel appreciated, they will do less. 
      Naturally men, and women too, will do as little as they have to do unless there's a motive. In business, the motive is money. Business partners won't do you favors because they like you, they will do it because of money. In relationships, the motive is care. When someone feels like someone cares about them, or they care about the other person deeply- it fuels relational satisfaction. So by showing appreciation, you are showing how much you care and subsequently, they will do more.

* The less you do, the more someone will appreciate you when you do something unexpected. 
     People will want  good behavior to be repeated. People also attend more to behaviors that are outside the norm. So when someone observes you doing something outside the norm that's positive they usually will try and encourage it. By the philosophy of classical behaviorism, when a behavior is positively reinforced, it is repeated. If you reinforce a behavior after each instance, than the behavior will be extinguished soon after the reinforcement or recognition stops. In order to create longer more lasting behavior, reinforce the behavior intermittently and inconsistently. So, don't feel stressed to recognize each positive act, but rather, show recognition as often as you notice it.

* When someone does a lot, it's easy to take them for granted.
      Think of your typical nice guy that bends over backwards for people and does nice things for people who don't deserve them. Some call them "tools" because people tend to use these kinds of people. And commonly people think that "nice guys finish last" because they have a hard time getting appreciation from women. According to my friend Nivan's wise words, "you will only be appreciated by the extent of value you demonstrated." So if you let your self be the doormat, you are exhibiting lower value and therefore will lack the appreciation you deserve. getting others to appreciate you starts with how much you appreciate yourself.

* If you don't communicate your recognition, men may think you don't appreciate them, even though you actually do.
      Most men won't do something unless they see a return of some kind. And as previously stated, the return men want from relationships is a symbiotic care. Men like to be the providers and make women happy. And that efforts is all the more worthwhile if they care about the woman they provide for. But showing your appreciation acts as a reinforcer and as something that makes men's care grow. So if you do appreciate what your man does, and want him to do it more you must communicate that. This is a case where actions don't always speak louder than words. But generally it is in good form to contribute as much as your partner. So conversely, recognizing your man's efforts will make him give you more recognition as well and strengthen your bond and relationship.

The Garbage Advice Guys Get

While reading my boyfriend's March issue of Maxim, I came across an interesting article called "Have Your Cake and Eat It Too: A Foolproof Guide to Cheating and Getting Away With It Some Tips From the Pros- Women". It offers some famed tips from women because apparently men (like Tiger Woods and Jesse James are less successful examples. So it's no surprise that in the U.S.  over 50% of spouses (male and female) do cheat- it is a grave reality in our time. It seems also, that women have more tricks up their sleeves for hiding trysts than men do, they go about it more stealthfully for the most part and forms methods of rationalizing their infidelities. But the fact that men acknowledge the need to hide it means they think cheating is wrong- so why do we still do it? After asking many of male friends clarified why men sometimes stray on their seemingly perfect girlfriends. I wanted to be enlightened why someone would repeatedly cheat if their girlfriend is someone like Halle Barry. Apparently, men may want the company of another women when they feel too trapped by their girlfriends. Many have high expectation making men feel like their walking on eggshells around them. When men are repeatidly immasculated by their girlfriends think nagging or starting fights in front of their friends, they need to assert their masculinity and their independence and cheating is often an easy way out. Since it's harder for men to verbalize these feelings they often try to set it straight on their own over having labored discussions with their significant other. Also, as many know, having a girlfriend is a another higher level of intimacy and a difference in sexual demeanor. You can't do certain sexual acts with your girlfriend because they would be demeaning, but there's no such guilt when they are with a hook-up. Girlfriends, may try to show more sensitivity to their man and under no circumstances withhold sex as a means of punishment. This would be defined as cruel and unusual by most men. Sex is more than a physical act so people should treat it as such. It should not be assigned dirty or wrong connotations, but rather the physical manifestation of a couples intimacy. This is why relationships are so accepted and exist in the first place. Trust is the number one thing in a relationship, so if you feel tempted don't stray and eventually you will come to face the problem (calmly) as you should. Cheating greatly changes the power dynamic in relationships and breeds guilt which is the number one form of psychological abuse. That's why relationships can't recover (fully at least) after cheating. In mine and many friends' experiences it may bring you closer in the short term but ultimately tear you apart in the long-term. Cheating is not a good coping mechanism and therefore these tips are Garbage. It's only when people realize the importance and effects of cheating that they will start to have better, more meaningful relationships. I hope that this will be a little spark of change that eventually inspires a change in relationship dynamic and eventually will improve the divorce rate.

How to Raise Your Libido in 8 Easy Steps

1.      Polish your swagger!! Take care of your appearance and of course your body- which builds your confidence. Remember, you are what you eat so when you are physically healthy you feel good emotionally as well. And when you are excited from physical activity you see others as more attractive due to the excitation principle. Exercise also releases endorphins and gives you confidence in your body- so it is the perfect foreplay as well.
2.     Work your Look: Get a makeover/under, take care of yourself buy your self some sexy new clothes or accessories that make you feel totally comfortable and confident. Take a stylish friend shopping with you if you are not sure what to get. Spending money and taking care of yourself will give you more confidence. It’s like an investment when you take care of it you can rest assured knowing you will at one point cash in.
3.      Fake It Until you make it.Positive messages on your mirror like “hey sexy” etc. change your mental script in your head from negative to positive. When you start acting like the sexy, confident, assured person that you are you will become that person. Because if you want someone to want you, you must first love thyself.
4.      Revise Your Crew. Have a few wingmen/women on call. Make sure your crew is drama-free and outgoing in order to encourage a strong sexual appetite. Ones that let you be you and are easy going that will get your mojo flowing. When you are always on guard and anxious around friends you will not be encouraged to  have a good time so cut the excess weight. 
5.      Be Social! You have to swing the bat to hit the ball. So make sure you’re out and about giving you that “single state of mind”. Test drive some new places out of your comfort zone, it will get you into an adventurous mindset and your buddies for support. Have a few drinks and loosen up – and watch that mojo start flowing.
6.      Give Everyone A Chance. Sometimes once you get to know someone they might surprise you. Be with a variety of people to learn what you do and don’t like. Because after all, variety is the spice of life, Some people stick to the same type  and then wonder why they get the same outcomes, if you want a boost in libido you must seek out other adventurous people even if it’s not your usual type.
7.      Be a Flirt. Show off your new look and mind set by sharing it with others. People will feed off your energy making it a positive exchange. When your flirting with other attaractive people, it is hard not to get aroused. And remember: sex appeal is one half what you got and one half what others think you got.
8.       Be adventurous and spontaneous. Don’t be afraid to approach the hottie in the corner and ask them for their number- or on a date! It’s a numbers game and not matter who you are, if you try enough times you will get your target's number. And among those numbers, you will get a date. You must act if you want your libido back on track. When you’ve made it to this stage, your libido will be in tip top shape in no time

Great New Blog: The Wing Girl Method

check out the full blog at: http://www.winggirlmethod.com/why-do-women-give-out-their-number-and-not-answer/

Why Do Women Give Out Their Phone Number and Not Answer?

Posted by Marni on June 22, 2009 · 21 Comments 

You’re at a bar talking to a girl you really like and think “she’s totally into me. I’m going to ask for her number”.

You: Can I get your number so we can hang out again some time?

Her: Sure.

You: Great. I’ll give you a call.

You go home all pumped up, excited, patting yourself on the back.

Then two days later you call.

NO ANSWER.

Of course you give it one more try because with modern technology wires get crossed and messages get erased 

Still NO ANSWER.

Then you think “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH WOMEN?”

Why do they do this?

Why do they give out their phone number and not answer their phone?

Do they know this at the time? or do they decide later?

I have been in this situation MANY times and the answer for is usually I had no intention of ever answering the phone.

I was not interested and just being polite.

From the time women are born they are taught to be proud, polite, respectful ladies.

Ladies, who don’t tell you to your face if they are not into you. That is not polite or proper.

Instead we do it behind your back.

I have been one of those ladies many many times.

I have given my number over and over again with absolutely no intention of answering the phone.

I know it’s wrong but it’s so much easier and less awkward to give out my number then to say “sorry I’m so not into you and I will never answer my phone when you call. I do not want to go out with you.”

Listen, when I go out I enjoy talking to people.

I especially like talking with men but usually within the first 2 minutes, actually it’s more like 30 seconds, I can tell if I am going to want to see a guy past that evening. But I am enjoying my conversation with him.

Does this mean that I have to cut off the conversation with him? Should I be that presumptuous that he is into me and that I should cut it off before I hurt his feelings?

So I usually continue talking because I am enjoying myself and then the awkward moment comes when they ask for my number.

I freeze up, get nervous and give out my phone number feeling guilty the whole time.

It’s horrible, I know, but it’s what I do. It’s what all of my girlfriends do and what most women in the world do.

I don’t know a lot of women that can be strong enough to say “You know what I had a great time with you this evening but I think this is the end of the road for our relationship. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye”.

Doesn’t happen often.

So basically what I am telling you is that a number doesn’t mean a success.

The real success is when you actually get that women to answer the phone and go out on a date.

So what can you do to fight against this?

You learn about women.

You learn what they like and what they don’t like.

You figure out how to read their body language so that you know, even before they do, when they are into you and that getting her number will lead to a date or or relationship or sex.

If you want to learn all of the above then you should definitely check out The Wing Girl Methods newest program What’s Inside A Woman’s MInd?

5 hours of real women being blunt and honest and revealing what really goes on in their heads.

There Is No Other Program Like It.

Click Here to read more.

Pass this article onto your friends because this is real information every man should know.

Friend Hopping

Like bar hopping, coming in the restaurant/bar with one friend and leaving with another than proceeding to post game with yet another(s). That, is "friend hopping" it seems like our constant communication and connectedness makes it hard for us to be alone and more and with a stronger need for affiliation. This could be a double edge sword because although having strong, meaningful social contact is good for soul, relying on friends too much is evil and can create a dependent personality. You always want to be okay on your own, so put down that phone and enjoy the moment. When you have too many friends whether it be amicable or romantic, it makes it hard to truly appreciate each one. When you start confusing facts and experiences between friends, that’s when you know you have too many. Sometimes I will ask a friend the same question multiple times because I forgot their answer and that’s a good indicator that you can’t keep your friends straight, or that you have a horrible memory. Other indicators are when you name the wrong person in a story or when you swear that one of your friends was there but they are sure they weren’t. IN order to be a good friend, you need to fully appreciate each one, so don’t spread yourself too thin. Instead with friends and hook-ups, set high standards and be selective. No matter what you do, getting everyone to like you is impossible so don’t try. Being selective with friends will ensure your life stays drama free and frees up your time for more productive things so it is the friend Rx for everyone.

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

I was watching the news and saw the top 5 lies men tell women and thought that I need to pass this information along. You can find this and other useful information on www.twitter.com/CNN.

1.) I didn't have that much to drink
2.) Nothing is wrong, I'm fine
3.) (when they get lost) There was no sign
4.) No, it doesn't belong to another girl, those are your _____ (ex. panties, hair, necklace etc.) 
5.) I'm on the way


Just goes to show, you can't take everything men say for face value and again "actions speak louder than words". So don't be so forgiving to guys excuses and lies.

Deal Breakers

There may come a time when you're dating someone and you simply can't move forward once you discover something about them, this is a deal breaker aka red flag, non-negotiables. As you date more and more people, you will have a better idea of what your non-negotiables are. Some deal breakers like religion and age can warrant an instant break up, no matter how great the person is. these are usually the hardest and most painful breakups, the kind that require me consoling crying friends. This is another reason why taking it slow in relationships is a great idea. When you get to know the person well first, the deal breakers will come up before you have invested significant emotions and time in the relationship. I see many of my friends make the same mistakes with guys such as dating guys in relationships or forgiving cheaters and then they see the same results. As Albert Einstein said, insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. For example, a friend Liz keeps dating consistent partiers and she subsequently feels neglected by her man. Although she may like a popular social guy, what she may need is a quiet, homebody would invest more and be a more devoted boyfriend to her which would suit her better. Some other common red flags to look out for are: STDS, age, religion (especially if one of you is very religious), married or in a relationship, psycho ex girlfriends, and cheating. So watch out!

Is the Double Standard Restricting Us From Being Single?

         The double standard, it's the difference between how people perceive male and female promiscuity, and it's still a harsh truth in this day and age.  Women have been acquired more and more new rights and responsibilities along with the more liberal view of sex compared to those in the past; which has been tightening the gap between the double standard but it has not been extinguished.  Some women do not understand this phenomena and act as if it didn't exist, but being aware of it is the first step to securing a proud reputation for yourself.

       It is a harsh reality that people would judge a women who had 10 partners more harshly than a man with the same amount of partners. Evolutionarily, men value girls that are chaste and faithful. You hear it all the time in rap, Ludacris said, "I want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. " And men are protecting themselves from living out the worst nightmare. Kanye West puts it best, "18 years and on the 18th birthday he found out he wasn't his" from Gold Digger. If you're single and seeing a guy, why would he judge you for seeing other guys as well? Isn't that what being single is all about? Consider the common case, when she has a boyfriend but he doesn't have a girlfriend, why should that be right?

        Well when you are "seeing someone" they will view non-exclusivity as a personal dig, and in a sense it is. My player friend, Josh says he went from girlfriend to girlfriend because he liked small parts of each one, and he couldn't find "the whole package". And when you are hooking up or sleeping with multiple people-even when you're single you are telling them they are insufficient and they can't satisfy you. Which hurts a man's pride and vulnerable ego. Girls don't have such a vunerable ego, instead they are more sensitive to rejection. The factor is compounded especially when you are dating multiple people in the same social circle because it hits closer to home. Be careful who you're dating so you don't mess with others feelings and your own, or else you may be staying single.

The Bro Code: The unwritten guy law for all things girl

         Since I am very familiar with the amendments of girl law, I sought to find out what the real bro law is to the opposite sex. I have come into contact with it many times when guy friends  tell me stories of their broken friendships, aka "beef", over ex's, hook-ups, and girlfriends. So I went on a mission to record the unwritten law that many girls and guys are unaware to prevent the unintentional murder of friendships for all mankind!
          While researching the blog, I went to the source. I talked to about 20 guys and asked them the tough questions. My sample size were many different types of guys from the jock type to frat guys to nerdy guys, and even a jewish, white rapper and they were representative of many ages and races too. Before we proceed, I'de like to define "bro" www.urbandictionary.com defines it as: close friends; buds; pals; comradarie. Used in a sentence, "hey, he's my bro, I watch his back, and he watches mine, we're like brothers, yah know?" But, based on general consensus in guy world, there are 2 primary definitions, it could either mean one of your best friends that would do anything for you, like a best man. Or, not someone who would take a bullet for you but someone who is decently loyal, like your fraternity brothers or your roommates in college.  

Guy Constitution:

     I. First Amendment: "Bros Before Hoes"

It’s the golden rule in guy world. A friend drew this great mathemetical representaion of it, Friendship > women. When bros think their friend is spending too much time with your girl than them, which by the words of my friend Mike Conners is "unacceptable" and it is called being "pussy whipped". This is especially the case when the girlfriend is younger because she is less independent and tends to be more clingy he said.

    II.  Second Amendment: Friendships with Girlfriends of Bros

Generally, hanging out with her without him present is crossing the line. Of course us girls, like to be friendly with his friends and gain approval to encourage a relationship to develop. But flirting with his friends is taking it too far, make sure you are paying attention to how your jokes and dress can come across and avoid sometimes you can take it too far.  When a girl mentions randomly how much she is attracted to one of her guy's bros he will warn him when he really trusts him, to keep away. But he will keep it to himself if he doesn’t really trust his friend and try to keep them apart if he doesn't really trust him. When his friend hits on you, be polite but not encouraging, and warn your guy.

    III. Third Amendment: Ex Code

This is pretty complex and complicated issue. It’s hard to reach a consensus across the board. But one thing is certain, if you do get involved with a friend of your ex, don’t keep it secret. Guys will feel more betrayed by their friend wasn’t honest with them than they would be by their ex. But guys get bothered when you use their friends as your dating pool post break up, and often this is why girls get reputations for being slutty. Guys are more bothered by physical intimacy with their friends than emotional intimacy. Whether our aim is to get revenge or to make him jealous; getting involved with an ex’s friends is a bad idea unless the feelings are sincere and would justify a possible dissolved friendship.

    IV. Fourth Amendment: Dumping:

Sometimes, when your girl is incompatible with their man’s group of friends, she will probably get dumped. So, earning the respect of his friends and being friendly is a must especially when he is very close with his friends. But keep the second amendment in mind. Usually when guys disapprove they have their friends best interests in mind and since they are an objective, third party, they are usually right about their suspicions. Even if he doesn’t listen, the friends will slowly phase him out and often the relationship will end anyway. 

"Don't believe anyone while drunk, in love, or running for office"

          Inspired by the lyrics in Ke$ha's new song, "Your love is my drug" I couldn't agree more. Being in love can screw up your judgement as as much as being under the influence. But still, it effects men and women differently. My conventional wisdom is, guys think more clearly after a hook up and women think more clearly before a hook-up. So as women, we should secure our bargaining power by waiting to hook up until you have secured that respect from men. When men have spent enough time around you to know you as a person a personal details like your obsession with the Phillies, your cockapoo named Daisy, or the fact that you're a total book worm, than they form attachment to you as a person and are less likely to "hit it and quit it". And if you find that a guy is unwilling to stick around when you don't hook-up with him than that is a red flag- don't pursue these types of guys. The movie, Wedding Crashers didn't coin the phrase, "stage 5 clinger" for no reason. So be careful, and take emotions out of the equation when deciding to be intimate with your man because once you do have sex, women naturally become more attached and a little less rational. Save yourself from looking pathetic, if I had a quarter for every time a guy told me a story about a girl who was "psycho" I would be a rich women. But since I don't, I will take it upon myself to spread my expertise and hopefully save one women at a time. A symptom of this love induced psychosis that Ke$ha mentions is when you notice you gives you a "high" and you feel happy when you are with him and unhappy when he's not around. Don't become emotionally dependant on anyone ever, that breeds unhealthy relationships. So sometimes, unhealthy relationships come out of fast hook-ups, refer to slow and steady wins the race.

The Guidelines To Surprising Girls

      Between all the romantic comedies girls watch, girls’ expectation of courting and romance has changed. Guys are feeling the pressure to do things bigger and better than ever before to get girls attention. But those helicopter messages and bed of roses are highly overrated. I personally think the best things in life are free. I think that a simple serenade is more romantic than a lavish limo ride followed by an ocean view dinner or an expensive necklace. Many guys think women love surprises but that isn’t necessarily the case.  

Wait until you know the girl well to surprise her, definitely don’t do it on a first date. Getting to know a girl better will shed insight about her feelings of the unexpected, and spontaneity. For example, girls that are picky eaters at restaurants will usually be unappreciative of surprises, because it’s out of her control. Taking a girl to a surprise place, is less risky though so if you need to test the way she reacts to surprises, than try taking her to you favorite park or one of your favorite site seeing spots in the near by city. Guys should primarily be he one surprising girls because it shows that he is comfortable making decisions, or “wearing the pants” in the relationship. Be careful getting her best friend or mom in on an elaborate plan because there’s a risk they might tell.

In terms of gifts, if you get a girl a gift and she doesn’t like it, than it may do more harm than good because she’ll be disappointed. Also don’t play up a surprise or surprise date, it is a very good idea to take the initiative and plan things and it shows thought that you took effort and that you care about her which girls like. But when you build a surprise up, she might be disappointed just like prom, for example, that was built up with anticipation in teen magazines and from dress shopping, and all the money spent on primping that the actual night was eclipsed in comparison. 

Live the Life You Love and Love the Life You Live: In Relationships and In Life

It just dawned on me how much I love what I do when I was writing a paper for my Advanced Social Psychology Paper on the Attachment Styles in the Context of Family and Couples Psychotherapy, CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), and EFT (Emotionally FOcused Couples Therapy)! Then I Googled this quote by Harvey MacKay, “ Find something you love and you’ll never have to work a day in your life.”  And isn’t that the goal of everyone, to do something they love? I'm sure your parents have told you, I want you to do anything you want, as long as it makes you happy. But how exactly do you make sure you're doingin what you love? I cam across an article entitled, “How To Do What You Love” at: http://www.paulgraham.com/love.html.
And of course it makes good points that we usually associate work with things that are not fun like school. And it also has a lot to do on our parental influences, if we see our parents enjoying their field of work and prospering in it we are hopeful to find a career that we can also enjoy. But often, we see our parents logging in long hours, taking a toll on the family, putting harsh strains on our relationships and atatchments we have with them and our parents have with each other. I found this is often the case with children who feel like they have to fall in line with their parent's line of work because they have an image that getting involved in the family business or becoming a lawyer just like your dad is the only way to achieve success, these are conditions of worth and when you put these on children you uncessairly stunt their cognitive and emtional development The children that really prosper and grow are the ones that were alwasy presenting possibilities and were encouraged with the skills that they did have. 
So how do we get past that and do what we love? Well aren't we essentially just  being trained to be interns from a very young age, and that is true those basic daunting tasks are not fun but they are necessary. Can't we take the same view in love as well, in highschool and college when we begin to date we are just learning what we are looking for and what we are looking to avoid in future romantic partners.  Well I believe the answer I even noticed this quote on sorority sister, Laura's Facebook profile, "We do what we have to do in order to do what we want to do."  So take all the relationship stresses in stride because dealing with those will outfit you with the tools you'll need for communication and conflict resolution you will need for marriage. 
The online article, "If you have to like something to do it well, then the most successful people must all like what they do". If you don't enjoy talking to a girl or boyfriend on the phone, or taking them out, then the relationships will suffer. I see this a lot in my friends when they are rocky or even on and off and they are always fighting, but about nothing in particular there is just always tension. I have noticed this tension usually stems from faithful or sexual issues but regardless these relationships are unhealthy and unsuccessful.  In relationships, when you are with someone that makes you so happy and you love then you will be happier, have a better quality fo life, lower in disease, and actually live onger, so make sure you pick accordingly   

Why Men Shouldn't Write Advice Columns

It may seem shocking how men and women see the same situation differently. Although this is a very extreme example, men may sometimes be insensitive to women. I have found this is especially the case when your boyfriend does something foul and all his friends take his side. 

One time, I was at a party with my ex at the time, but we still were hooking up. I was with him the whole time at the party but the one time I left to say hi to friends he disappeared. His best friend assured me he must be around somewhere. Then a guy at the party showed me a picture, he zoomed on the face- it was my ex...with two girls on him! First of all, never put your self in the position to be pictured doing sexual acts and be safe especially at parties where there are a lot of people around. It would be a good idea to lock the door with all the technology floating around, a drunk mistake could ruin your reputation and possibly your future. 

But back to the story, while his friends did recognize that he didn't make the best decision and sympathized with me, they also congratulated him on his sexual conquest. This support from his friends may have made him feel what he did wasn't wrong when really it was definitely crossing the line. My ex, consequently wasn't  regretful, and he didn't apologize. 

I'm not suggesting to blame guy's bad actions on the fact that they are Martians, while women are Venetians and we speak different languages. Actually, some things that guys do are unforgivable, whether they think so or not. I always say to respect yourself; be aware of that line. Even he is trying to justify or make light of the situation, don't fall for it  because actions speak louder than words. When guys realize you won't play into their games, you will actually earn their respect. 

It may take you to put your foot down and leave for them to grow up and realize their mistake. If Sheila from the article stays with her husband she can pretty much guarantee he will not be faithful. It's clear that she doesn't need car advice, she needs the name of a good marriage counselor. Don't worry girls, eventually all guys grow up. And if they don't, they will get divorced; I wouldn't be surprised if John is. 

Slow & Steady Wins The Race

    Though it's finals week, I'm going to take a break to elaborate on my dear friend Zainab's words of wisdom: "Things that start fast, end fast"
    What I keep hearing time and time again- you need to slow things down in the beginning of a relationship. You need to go through the attraction phase first and then uncertainty.Otherwise you will have that doubt later on in the relationship.
           This was the case for one of my friends recently. She was lonely because she just broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to get validation from another guy. So she jumped into a relationship with one of her guy friends. Needless to say, she was freaked out about how fast they were going and they are not together now because the intentions behind it weren't genuine.
          I even help conduct research about this. My professor is studying how rejection effects  relationship interactions with people who have similiar characteristics. We are slowly finding that if you get rejected, take my friend who was broken up with by her boyfriend, you will look to strengthen NOT weaken relationships with those with similiar characteristics, which in this case was her guy friend who soon turned boyfriend.  In the case of my friend, after having rejection experiences with two guys she was left damaged and unnecessary baggage. She could have avoided this baggage by getting to know her guy friend better before deciding to jump into a relationship with him. She destroyed any possibility of hem being together, even though I thought they would be really compatible.
        
        Recently I was listening to music from my childhood and heard this lyric, "I waited for her call, she always kept me waiting. And if I ever get another chance I'de still ask her to dance because she kept me waiting", in Blink 182's song, Rock Show. I think art imitates life. That's why I urge my friends to fully get to know the guy they are interested in before they become exclusive and then start to date.

        There are a lot of things that may come up the longer you know the person. Some people lay it all on the line in the beginning, like this one guy I met recently who talked about getting arrested the first time we met....huge red flag! But most people present their best selves first and then their inner demons come later. On many levels it is good to know the person well so you know if they have an issues, how to handle them, and if you're even willing to handle them or would rather find someone else.
           I have a guideline for knowing when you know the person well enough to move on to the next level. It is safe to assume you can date if you know the person's family structure (how many brothers/sisters they have, if their parents are divorced/together, how their parents treated them while growing up), how they deal with conflict (do they like to be alone, talk about it), if they are generally a stubborn or easy going person, and if you know enough about their past relationships (if they are ready to jump into a new one or are still hurting from a past experience and whether or not they've ever been love, the degree of seriousness in these relationships). If you know these, you can detect any red flags.
            Make sure you acknowledge red flags and you don't just want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. I see some people who love the idea of someone but don't actually love them. Love is when you can appreciate someone for who they really are which requires you to know them well. When you appreciate someone for who they are as a person, you can recognize that even their flaws make them who they are. Dating and exclusivity are the foundations for love and relationships so make sure you have a strong foundation before you build a house and get to know someone to some extent, if you plan on dating them.

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"What's a gorgeous girl like you doing with a schmuck like me?"

                              Why Some Pretty Girls Date Seemingly Unattractive Guys

       We've all seen it from the MTV show, "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" to that sorority president on campus holding hands with some scruffy GDI (unaffiliated with Greek life). So I wanted to investigate why this happens all the time, during my quest I talked to some of my friends who are totally out of their boyfriends' league to get to the bottom of the issue. There were a few common reasons that are both interesting and surprising.
       The girls I'm referring to are independant, self-assured, and could get any guy they want but still would choose the not so polished guy who would be a more caring and devoted boyfriend any day over the cocky jock whose looks are pretty much the only thing he has to offer. SInce these guys haven't been able to rely on their looks to get guys, they needed to develop values and positive behavior in order to attract girls and stand out in the sea of gelled hair. So when you look at them on the surface they may be less than impressive but when you stop judging books by their covers you might be surprised to find a respectful, more consciencious guy lying underneath who is very impressive.
       Also, having a not-so cute boyfriend leaves you less to worry about. Not only have they demonstrated their honesty and loyalty to catch the babe in the first place, but they will be more faithful simply due to lack of options. Guys like this are comforting because their partners can safely conduct their lives as normal and thereby make their partners more attracted to them and eventually more devoted to them by maintaining the health of their relationships. Evolutionarily, women are more concerned with relationships compared to men, who are more concerned with power and competition. Since these women have less to worry about, they also have less to compete over and it would cause less strain on their relationships with other women.
        Conversely, since the guy knows he has a grade catch, he will try harder to treat his girlfriend well in order to keep her, because he knows she has no lack of options. This is good for guys because like I previously stated, they are very competitive in nature and power driven. Power gives guys a sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction and having that trophy wife may be just as valuable as being a CEO or winning the Stanley Cup. So ladies, you have to make your man work for it, AND BETTER YET act like that grade A catch and it will only be a matter of time before you morph into her. From my favorite book, Why Men Like Bitched, "sex appeal is half what you got and half what others think you got." Good guys are harder to snag than you think because they are usually in relationships, they know they have what women want, so they tend to picky looks wise. Make sure you're not picking the low hanging "attractive tool" wormed apples but instead climb past the surface to the highest branch and pick that "good guy" apple, you might be pleasantly surprised.

P.S. yes, I am quite the fan of the under dog

Hooking Up: Keeping It Casual

Hooking up is a new social trend probably due factors such as: people are getting married later on average,  and now women are putting their careers first more and more which makes them more able to provide for themselves than before. Hooking up defined would be a non-committal relationship involving sexual acts, usually sexual intercourse.


There are many reasons why a hook-up set up may work for you. It allows to keep your options open at all times and be able to take advantage of every possible option if you wish. In fact, college has the most single people concentrated in one place, once you graduate and are in the job market it will be a lot harder to meet people and young professionals must often resort to online dating sites to meet people. So taking advantage of being in college and being open to all kinds of people, even the ones you wouldn't consider dating is a smart decision.


Since everyone has needs, this is a way to fulfill those without feeling emotionally vulnerable.  Most college students are simply busy and can't commit to a relationship but hooking up would be a convenient, fit option. Also, this way you can put yourself first and you don't necessarily have to consider someone's else needs


Keys to Keeping It Casual:


1.) Limit emotional attachment- don't hold hands, talk about your family too much. Don't be yourself, be your best self....don't lay it all on the line.


2.) Respect yourself- make as much time for them as they do for you. Don't always be available and don't hang out to the point where you are neglecting your responsibilities.


3.) Separate them from your life- you need to be ready to fold at any point so you have to again, keep your distance. Don't introduce them to your parents or all your friends, and be careful hooking up with people in your circle of friends, in your classes, or that you live near that may end up turning into an awkward situation if it ends.


4.) Take things a day at a time- Because you're not committed it can end anytime, in college hook-ups generally end with the semester to leave new options for break.


But be careful you are ready for this type of relationship, there is a thin line between hooking up and dating and some people can't separate them so you have to shield yourself from internalizing it. The set-up doesn't work for everyone at any given time, especially people who take rejection personally, or someone who went through a break-up easily. You can't expect to get a relationship out of it, you have to be able to see where it goes so you don't get rejected if things don't work out. Don't settle for a hook-up when you are really hoping to start a relationship. Be honest with yourself and don't do it if you feel uncomfortable. And remember it's not hygenic or safe to have sexual relations with more than one person at once so try to be monogamous with your hook-up.