Recognition and Appreciation are fundamental in relational health. Sometimes the sources of issues in relationships are rooted in lack of these things. Popular methods of recognition can be non-verbal and mostly unconscious like: smiling, kissing, hugging, pat on the back, more attention etc. And of course can be communicated verbally as well in two words: THANK YOU. Using these words more often can be the easiest cure to a relationship common cold. Below are some key points to keep in mind:
* When men don't feel appreciated, they will do less.
Naturally men, and women too, will do as little as they have to do unless there's a motive. In business, the motive is money. Business partners won't do you favors because they like you, they will do it because of money. In relationships, the motive is care. When someone feels like someone cares about them, or they care about the other person deeply- it fuels relational satisfaction. So by showing appreciation, you are showing how much you care and subsequently, they will do more.
* The less you do, the more someone will appreciate you when you do something unexpected.
People will want good behavior to be repeated. People also attend more to behaviors that are outside the norm. So when someone observes you doing something outside the norm that's positive they usually will try and encourage it. By the philosophy of classical behaviorism, when a behavior is positively reinforced, it is repeated. If you reinforce a behavior after each instance, than the behavior will be extinguished soon after the reinforcement or recognition stops. In order to create longer more lasting behavior, reinforce the behavior intermittently and inconsistently. So, don't feel stressed to recognize each positive act, but rather, show recognition as often as you notice it.
* When someone does a lot, it's easy to take them for granted.
Think of your typical nice guy that bends over backwards for people and does nice things for people who don't deserve them. Some call them "tools" because people tend to use these kinds of people. And commonly people think that "nice guys finish last" because they have a hard time getting appreciation from women. According to my friend Nivan's wise words, "you will only be appreciated by the extent of value you demonstrated." So if you let your self be the doormat, you are exhibiting lower value and therefore will lack the appreciation you deserve. getting others to appreciate you starts with how much you appreciate yourself.
* If you don't communicate your recognition, men may think you don't appreciate them, even though you actually do.
Most men won't do something unless they see a return of some kind. And as previously stated, the return men want from relationships is a symbiotic care. Men like to be the providers and make women happy. And that efforts is all the more worthwhile if they care about the woman they provide for. But showing your appreciation acts as a reinforcer and as something that makes men's care grow. So if you do appreciate what your man does, and want him to do it more you must communicate that. This is a case where actions don't always speak louder than words. But generally it is in good form to contribute as much as your partner. So conversely, recognizing your man's efforts will make him give you more recognition as well and strengthen your bond and relationship.
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