Can You Really Date a Gay Guy?

Homosexuality is a fairly new concept for our society. SOme think that it is determined at birth, other think it is learned. I remember m dad expressing concern that I would turn lesbian if I hadn't had a lot of guy over in a while. But I have a friend who was dating a guy for over 3 months before she found out he was gay! My friend, Sam just told me about how she was dating a guy who went to the same art school as her and she had never suspected anything from him by judging by their relationship or sex life. Then months later, when she was at the club with GBF (Gay Best Friend) she noticed then exchanging more then friendly glance. She didn't think anything was up until she couldn't find him anywhere in the club. So she left to the hotel they were both staying at and found her boyfriend in her GBF's room hooking up! She was shocked and she was upset for a while when she saw it happening but she decided that she was over it. She wasn't upset at her GBF, in fact I was surprised to hear she was actually grateful for him because it saved her from wasting even more time with him. She thought what gives? Why would someone pretend they were straight when they really weren't? But I think our society and sexuality education program in the U.S. emphasizes the importance of heterosexuality and people who don't fit inside that bubble feel as though they are weird when really they are just expressing their own unique sexuality. SOme call them fair weather fags, others call them indecisive. When I talked to Sexperts recently Dr Charles and Amy Miron, who said that sexuality is defined in your body by the time you reach age seven. Of course it is shocking and crude, what would you have done in that situation? Do you think sexuality is pliable? Put your opinions below.

Wise Advice to Young Men From Socialite Dwayne Mckie

I recently met DC socialite Dwayne McKie for dinner at his favorite restaurant, Ambrosia Grill. Unlike his online persona of being a playboy, who travels internationally and has friends wordlwide, I was surprised to he was very friendly and talkative. He was looking back on a lot of lessons he learned early on in the social scene of Washington D.C. He says that younger guys go crazy when they see an attractive women so that all their common sense goes out the window. He says white men go crazy over breasts while, Hispanic and Black men go crazy over "ass". He finds that even with his good reputation, buying women a drink will not impress them. In fact, he told me recently when he had a bar tab and bought some ladies he met some drinks, they left the club as soon as they were done drinking! So unlike his sweet disposition, he is always ready to fold. This is his biggest trick to relationships, the best way to get a girlfriend is by sitting back and waiting to see what happens. He says that getting a girlfriend is mostly luck which is affected by random encounters and even karma. He says that once a girl knows you’re looking for a relationship, she will be less enthusiastic about one. At the end of the day he says women have the power to say no but he tries to keep women on their toes working for HIS attention. This is his Love Potion, leaving the option to move on. You need to continually check in on your relationship. The best partners are ones who insure themselves, and their mates are satisfied. It's unhealthy to assume that you will always be together, I think. Real life is not fairy tale romance like you see in movies. Hope you enjoyed these wise words from a wise man.

Advice on Love and Sex From Dr. Charles and Amy Miron

Last week I was intrigued to find out there were two sex experts coming to the University of Maryland- Dr. Charles and Amy Miron . When I met them I instantly thought, they were a cooler version of Meet the Fockers. They are members of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and teach sex education classes together at a community college in Baltimore. They shed some powerful insight on the dynamics of relationships and sex. They have been working together for decades which is why I asked them for their tips for couples having a romantic and business relationship. They said it is possibly to mix business with pleasure, they enjoy being together during the work day due to their good conflict resolution skills, having a strong sense of self and partner, and sticking up for themselves but at the same time still compromising. Similar to working together, living together will also give you shared experiences that might help you gather insight on whether or not your partner is right for you. They said the only way to know whether or not to settle down (or get married) to someone is to go through time and trauma with them. An anonymous question was asked about whether it was appropriate to move in with a boyfriend and they assured us that moving in is a test drive phase but to follow the two year rule. After two years, you will know if your relationship has enough to grow and share a life together. They didn’t refer to each other as husband and wife but Amy dearly described Charles as her “best friend and life partner”. They praise monogamous sex, and claim no sex is safe sex but use of condoms are safest. In terms of relationships, they support consensual monogamous sex, they have been happily married for 43 years. The thing that I found most intriguing was their sexual "limor" diminishing any preconceptions about love fading with age. They stressed that everyone has unique sexual drives and ticks. They have a unique language for the different tastes in sex. They believe have 3 basic "flavors" which are: love sex, fun sex, and sex sex. Love Sex is the deep sensual sex you see in movies that is tender. It is characterized by both partners are actively in touch Fun sex is for fun, instead of watching t.v. or playing a game together. And sex sex is sex that happens when you need to just scratch an itch, having sex to get it out of your system. And they give back too! They have been organizing a sex retreat for 9th graders to apply creative group building and teaching techniques that reach further beyond sex education in the classroom. They taught me, as an aspiring marriage counselor that marriage can last and be successful even after time. And shared their secret to having a successful relationship- asking what YOU can do to improve their relationship instead of pointing fingers or blame on your partner to put in more effort.

Have a Fun Valentine's Day- Single or Taken

Making Valentine’s Day fun, means moving away from the commercialized concept of the holiday.
Bag the chocolates, the cheap cards, and expensive dates. While those things may be fun in moderation, Valentine's Day is a wonderful holiday that celebrates Love. I like to celebrate great friends, my family, and of course important relationships to me.

Who says Valentine's Day isn't for single people? Some of my favorite Valentine's Days are dressing up and going out with my girlfriends enjoying fun, laughs, and amazing company. If you're single, try going out with friends, dinner reservations may be hard to get but if you try some unconventional ideas this may be your best Valentine's Day yet. Get together and have a pot luck at a friend's house. Bring my Valentine's Day Mac & Cheese (recipe below), or cook it for your best friend but don't forget flowers on the table. (And by flowers I mean the ones you pick on your walk home).

If you're attached get a gift for the both of you like a bath bomb from Lush. Their sex bomb is my favorite. Or get your self a new lipstick, nail polish or bra that he will like too. Do something free and active. The misattribution arousal theory shows that increased heart rate mimics the effects of arousal and stimulation like the ones you get from romantic love. So do something outdoors like play tennis or window shopping exploring the sites in your own town. Just break free from the usual routine and do something new.

Valentine's Day Mac & Cheese
2 bay leaves
1 tsp. mace
1/2 a package of Medium Shells pasta (or elbow macaroni)
1/2 a cup of whole milk
1/2 a pint of heavy cream
2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese
salt and pepper to taste

For Breading:
1/4 cup of panko bread crumbs
1/4 cup of Parmesan Cheese
Makes 4 servings
Prep (Pasta Boil): 15 min
Cook time: 7 minutes under a High Broiler

Start by boiling the pasta. Then heat up the cream and milk with 2 bay leaves and mace. Cook to a boil, lower the heat for 5 minutes. Take out the bay leaves, and stir in the cheese. Add salt and pepper to taste. Once the pasta is ready drain it and add the sauce. Put the mac and cheese mixture in a baking dish and combine the breading ingredients. Sprinkle the breading all over the macaroni and put under the broiler for 7 minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes and Enjoy!

Is Your Relationship A Democracy?

Many people praise equality in relationships, democratic relationships, where both partners equally help in decision making and conflict resolution. But although it works well in American government, is this the correct approach in relationships? Due to men and women's inherent differences and even personality differences in heterosexual and homosexual relationships, this may not be the best relationship logistics. I support the traditional form of relationships where each partner does what he/she knows best. Men are traditionally more decisive than women and should be the rational anchor for women's constant emotional highs and lows. Whenever either party is competing for power in the relationship, it struggles and trying to balance the power between two parties is difficult. In our government this works through a series of check and balances between the judicial, legislative, and executive branches but in relationships there are only two. Could this be why homosexual relationship report more relational satisfaction than heterosexual couples? Although much policy and social movements have centered around equality in our culture, I don't think we should apply this principle to everyday life. Instead of equality, we should think of relationships in terms of equal power. When the power balance is off in either direction, it is detrimental for relationships. When the woman is in control, the man is often seen as a pushover, and is commonly ridiculed by his friends. When the man is in power, he can be seen as the overbearing boyfriend and may prevent his acceptance from the woman's friendship circle. but more importantly than social perception, when the power is off balance one party will be less satisfied with the relationship than the other. Relationships are all about making sacrifices. I think a huge reason why relationship advising has become an industry now is because it is unlike any other. Relationships are inherently different than business relationships and I have seen many people while very successful in life, may struggle when it comes to romantic relationships. This approach to relationships is most like the socialist form of government. When there is a power imbalance or when it is used to solve conflicts, relationships may go sour. So you have to think about how much you want the relationship to work and what you can offer, instead of thinking poorly of your partner when things go wrong. Although democracy may be the best way to run this country, it is not best with matters of the heart.

Ms. Date Guru: You See A Hot Girl, Now What?

Article About 1st Impressions

Ms. Date Guru Approves of The Cosmo Bedroom Blog

This month's Cosmo-my favorite!

I, like most women, love to read Cosmo. And their Online Magazine is just as good, I found a really good "bedroom blog" about K. who is Cosmo's fictional blogger, a twenty-something chick who works in television. Here K. dishes about her sexy (and sometimes dramatic) dating adventures. I'm sure these are based on real life experiences. It's a really Juicy Read. AndThere's a lot of cool stories in here. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/bedroom-blog/
p.s. Guys, if you want to learn how women really think, read this mag. My boyfriend has learned so much already by stealing some of my magazines. 
XOXO, 
Ms. Date Guru

You See A Hot Girl, Now What?

These girls can be yours, as long as you
don't interrogate them

When reading Neil Strauss' The Game I realized there is an art of first impressions, that creates seduction. Women want to be seduced, they want a romantic experience, like they're being swept off their feet. When men think about picking up girls, they automatically start asking them questions. They can be smart questions, dumb questions, opinions, or open ended questions. By asking questions mixed with intimidation, all you’re going to get is a fake age/name, some information you don’t care about, or the finger in some cases. The key to building attraction in women is building the emotional connection. When you give girls an emotional reaction whether positive or negative it builds attraction. In my experience, the guys that I'm attracted to are the ones that I feel like I've known forever- even if we've just met. Because let’s face it, women are emotional, they love feelings, and are on emotional roller coasters. I have heard more of my friends pine over guys that ignore them than men who adore them. Trust me, women won’t appreciate the interest. Women don’t want to feel like they are on a job interview, there’s nothing enticing about that. Instead of using questions, use statements. Have you notice how you talk to your best friend? Friends that are close, often talk in statement form telling each other their opinions and ideas.  Breed that confidence and intimacy with a girl instantly by using this tactic. “Remember it’s not a game, it’s being your best self”. 

New Guest Blog on Rachel Russo's NEW Mr. It Boy Blog

I fell in love with the blog from the moment I read it. "Because men like to read this stuff too" it claimed, and I whole heartedly agree, in fact more men approach with an issue, when they find out my background, then women do. This blog is aimed to appeal to men and tell them, "what women really want." Rachel Russo works for Master Matchmakers, from the show, Tough Love, the link to this post on her site is: http://www.rachelrussosdatingadviceformen.com/

How to decode Mixed Signals with Body Language

By Jessica Berdan

According to some body language experts men have more difficulty decoding nonverbal communication. When girls get ultra-sensitive over a “nasty look” men won’t even be able to tell when a girl is shamelessly flirting with him. The top signals men should look out for are listed below:

1. When Anger Is Bubbling: Of course when she’s fuming and nagging a man knows it from a mile away, but when women are feeling passive aggressive men won’t be able to guess. It’s hard for women to show their anger. It is more socially acceptable for men to show anger and women to show sadness. That could be a reason it’s harder for men to read signs of anger in women. She may show some subtle signs like letting her mouth gape open or avoiding eye contact when you check out the waitress’s rack…..of lamb. Pay attention when it seems she’s ignoring you, ask her what’s wrong, you’ll squeeze it out eventually.

2. “Can We Leave Already?!” Signals: Recently I was in an awkward position at a holiday dinner. I was offended and couldn’t bear it any longer but my boyfriend didn’t quite get the signal. From asking to my girlfriends, “Have guys failed to respond to your nonverbal cues in the past?” The majority said yes, when they find that men don’t respond they resort to verbal communication when wanting to leave. Women send clear signals when they want to go like, grabbing her purse, looking at her watch repeatedly, gradually moving toward the door, getting up, or disengaging from the conversation. So men make sure to look out for these signals around the end of the night or when you suspect your girl’s uncomfortable, because she may not voice her feelings directly as you’d like.

3. “I’m so Bored” Signals: Many women can attest to be on a really bad date with a guy and getting their ears talked off. When you find that you’re producing the majority of the conversation, the girl is likely uninterested or doesn’t care. When you start that long talk with your bros about your favorite football team or dream car and she begins to rest her head on her hands, you can bet she probably couldn’t care less. 

4. Body Language Combined With Speech: Often women send mixed signals, their body language says one thing and their words say the opposite, which really throws men off. Women are used to picking subtle body language cues in other women but men find it harder to pick up on it like sarcasm or embarrassment. Since 90% of communication is body language it would be to your benefit to pay attention to those signals to benefit you anywhere from business to love. Because men aren’t on the alert for body language, they often choose the verbal message which can get you in sticky situations. If you’re unsure, tell her, “I don’t think that’s what you really mean”.

5. Flirting Signals: Surprising but true, if I had a quarter for every time I heard a guy say, “If I knew she liked me I would have made a move,”, I would be able to afford the diamond bra form the VS Fashion show (I know you guys know which one I’m talking about). Subtle signals like twirling her hair or batting her eyelashes are examples. Some women play hot and cold, I know, and it may be harder to pick out their body language but physical and eye contact are the best indicators. Don’t be that guy that I always hear from hitting themselves in the head over how they missed out on pursuing that cute geek in high school or the girl who sits next to you in Bio 101, or the hottie you run into on the way out of the movies. Look more closely to body language and often you will realize a women likes you more effectively than seeing if she takes your number or talking to her friend.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Hey Mr. DJ: Interview with DJ Saam

Hey Mr. DJ

How to Get a DJ’s attention:

Don’t request a song. Saam recognizes girls that are dancing and enjoying his music rather than those who talk his ear off with requests at the DJ booth. Maybe Madonna’s advice isn’t correct, don’t ask the DJ to play your song. If you’re trying to vibe with a DJ send positive vibes and body language like nodding your head, and grooving to the beat. When Saam wants to get the ladies pumped up, he’s sure to play lots of Ke$ha and Katy Perry….out is Marvin Gaye and Luther Vandross.

If DJ Saam and Ms. Date Guru were Djing your Sack Sesh, this Would be the Playlist:

Saam says the key to a good sex mix is incorporating songs with no vocals. Words in songs can distract you from “the moment”. This mix reflects progressive house, which creates the perfect ambience for your build up. His favorite is the moonbeam sample by Marcus Schultz.

DJ Saam with my boyfriend, Nick and I at D.C.'s
hottest rooftop club, Eden

About DJ Saam:

He is from Gaithersburg, Maryland but you would never know it because now he DJS at D.C.’s hottest clubs like Eden, Lotus, and Fly. He started doing small gigs in College Park, Maryland and opening for his DJ friend. He found out the sky is the limit. He’s putting his career first before dating at this point. But he’s looking for a down to earth girl that wants him for him, not his VIP status in clubs. Speaking personally, he is a very outgoing, friendly, and respectful person, and his smile makes women weak in the knees. If any ladies who are interested in contacting this gem, email msdateguru@gmail.com

Catch him in D.C.
Eden Wednesdays
Fridays at Fly
Barcode Saturdays

Dating Expert Tracy Steinberg Talk to A Clinical Psychologist About Dating Tips

Check out her website, she is the Hitch of New York City. The video link is at: http://lifecoachtracey.com/dating-help-911/ She has her own dating show that is broadcasted online to ask her a question just tweet @datinghelp911 and of course don't forget to add me, @msdateguru

Top 100 Reasons Why He Won't Text You Back

         In our modern technological age, an unreturned text can signal a social disaster. But sometimes you need to step back and calm down because there could be any reason why he isn't texting you back. If you take anything away from this it's that there's more reason why he can't text you that have nothing to do with you. So if you're waiting on something really important, read this list over and I'm sure he will text you by the time you finish the list- and if not here's to a great laugh. Maybe in life, it's good to have the last word, but not in texting. My favorite ones are bolded. 

1. He broke all of his fingers in an arm wrestle
2. He has a girlfriend
3. His jealous ex-girlfriend deleted the text before he saw it
4. He is under the Imperius Curse and has been instructed by Voldemort to ignore you
5. His Mom cancelled the account because he never calls her
6. He left his phone in a public bathroom
7. He’s waiting another hour so he doesn’t look desperate
8. His phone fell out of his pocket in his car and he can’t reach the spot under the seat
9. He heard a rumor about you and is trying to figure out if it’s true before he texts you back
10. He’s bummed you stole his thunder and texted him first
11. He dropped his phone in the toilet
12. He knows you have friends who write for Her Campus and doesn’t want to be on the next Asshole-O-Meter
13. He has an STD…he’s doing you a favor.
14. He decided texting is ruining his social skills so only wants to talk to you in person
15. He’s in class and actually puts his phone on silent
16. He is on a plane to Australia
17. He still can’t figure out how to use T9
18. He’s at the gym
19. His childhood pet just died and he’s too sad to flirt
20. He thought the outfit you wore to the mixer was supposed to be serious
21. He doesn’t like you. (Sorry)
22. He’s stoned
23. He’s stoned and involved in a serious round of Mario Kart
24. He thinks that he texted you back, but he’s currently sexting one of the other 23 Sarah’s in his phone by mistake
25. He lost a bet and isn’t allowed to talk to hot girls for 30 days
26. He doesn’t get service on campus
27. He can’t read
28. He doesn’t speak English
29. He’s still drunk
30. He left his phone in the pocket of his pants, which are now in the laundry
31. He got diagnosed with a particularly painful case of carpel tunnel syndrome
32. He’s a concert pianist who needs to rest his fingers before a big concert
33. He stalked you on Facebook and thought your joke relationship status was real
34. You’re his TA
35. He realized he once hooked up with your sister
36. He’s waiting until 2am so he doesn’t have to talk to you sober
37. He forgot that girls like to text even if we have nothing to say
38. He’s an Orthodox Jew who observes Shabbat—and you texted him on Friday night
39. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t think he’ll be able to engage in small talk without passionately declaring his feelings.  And that would be weird.
40. You used an obscure emoticon or said “lol”, “u 2,” or “g2g” in your text to him, so he knew it wouldn’t work out
41. He works for the CIA
42. He’s pledging a frat...enough said
43. He doesn’t want you to find out that he’s really 35 and married
44. Because you also emailed, skyped, g-chatted, tweeted, Facebooked, called, and faxed him
45. He’s in love with your best friend
46. He gave up technology for Lent
47. He just got a manicure and doesn’t want to mess it up* (*SEE NUMBER 22)
48. He’s busy
49. He caught you Facebook stalking him in the library
50. He’s texting his sister at the same time and doesn’t want to send the wrong text to the wrong girl (disaster!)
51. He has decided to become Amish since you last spoke
52. He’s broke and assumes texting you will lead to spending money on you
53. He’s taking a vow of silence
54. He heard you’re texting half of his fraternity as well
55. He sobered up
56. He’s at work
57. He’s running a marathon
58. He’s at a movie marathon
59. His phone died and he can’t find the charger
60. He’s considering joining the priesthood
61. He heard you’re actually a classy, nice girl, and he’s not into that
62. He doesn’t want to lead you on
63. He’s with his bros and doesn’t want to be caught “cute” texting
64. He’s involved in an intense game of World of Warcraft (this is not your loss)
65. He’s on the phone with his Mom
66. He doesn’t have a texting plan?
67. His phone is buried under the mountain of laundry he’s waiting to take home over break
68. He’s too busy analyzing the new Kanye West album
69. He thinks you’re out of his league
70. He prefers high school girls
71. Your text didn’t warrant a response
72. He’s in shock
73. He’s having a “guy’s night”
74. He forgot
75. Because it’s only been, like, twenty minutes. Calm the eff down, girl
76. His phone died
77.  There was a family emergency
78.  He was just eating something sticky and hasn’t gotten around to washing his hands
79. He’s in jail
80. His phone was stolen
81. He realized his friend likes you, so bro code says he shouldn’t text you back
82. He’s driving
83. He has mono
84. You texted the wrong guy
85. He’s worried his phone is being wiretapped and he doesn’t want to incriminate himself
86. He saved your number as something funny (“Candy the Stripper”) and forgot who it was
87. He forgot to get your number so he doesn’t know who texted him
88. He read the text in his sleep and then thought it was a dream
89. He didn’t get the joke you just made and feels stupid
90. He forgot to pay his phone bill and his account has been cancelled
91. He was really angry and threw his phone against the wall
92.  He has the iPhone “drunk dialer app” and he can’t figure out how to unlock his phone
93. He’s not a big texter, he prefers talking on the phone
94. He’s trying to think of something funny to say
95. He is taking a (really long) nap
96. He’s worried you only texted him as a joke or to win a bet (circa every teen movie from the ‘90s)
97. He’s gay
98. He talked to one of your ex-boyfriends who told him you’re a psycho
99. He’s watching a sports game
100. He thought the pimple on your lip was herpes

Taken from the orignial article on http://hercampus.com/love/100-reasons-why-he-hasnt-responded-your-text. And make sure to check out Her Campus Maryland, I am the Marketing Director and a common guest blogger at www.hercampus.com/umd. 

Can You Really Break Up Cold Turkey?

       Does anyone ever have a clean break up anymore? I have noticed most of my friends don't. And out of the few that do, many of them were in on again off again relationships.  It's hard to cut the emotional intimacy and connection with someone you are dating. People in on again off again relationships go through more pain during the relationship and after getting over it than people with clean breaks. That's why many new singles often fall into the friends with benefits trap with their exes. That can make things feel a little easier, in the short term but it will make the relationship more fuzzy.
           Sex brings emotions and feelings into the mix making boundaries less and less flexible. Usually this limit is tested in the case of infidelity from one of the partners. After that, there's two options, be bothered and break it off for good, or get back together (being exclusive). Sometimes women use this as an ultimatum.  Hooking up with your ex with 3 weeks after the break up is a bad idea. You need at least this amount of time to disconnect from feelings especially of desperation. Going back to your ex signifies weakness and indecisiveness- both of which cause your partner to lose respect for you. Because if you go back, then why did you break up in the first place? This is a good time to note for you women out there that breaking up with a guy is not a good way to threaten or influence your partner's behavior. Break that are used as ultimatums are toxic, unless it's over a long distance issue.
          But if this cycle is so bad for relationships why do people do it? It's just plain hard to disconnect easily from an ex especially when you shared a lot of positive memories with one another. Just just like ripping a band aid, relationships are less painful when ended swift and fast, not slowly which can drag out the pain even longer. For ideas of how to get over your ex easily check out my previous blog: http://msdateguru.blogspot.com/2009/08/getting-over-your-ex.html.