Decode Her Text

This is my first installment of my weekly podcast on PodOmatic

Tune in on Fridays at 3 pm to the Ms. Date Guru Podcast whether your at work in the office, on a study break, or you have a question of your own. Ms. Date Guru and Bernardo Guardi are here to offer you our male/female perspective on all your toughest dating issues each week. to participate just email your dating question to msdateguru@gmail.com. We have been bombarded with inquiries lately so we're opening the floor for REAL and interactive dating advice each week. So what are you waiting for? Ask Ms. Date Guru!

Dream Guy VERSUS Dead Beat

This list came about during an innocent brainstorming session with my smart and talented friend, Amanda. I hope you like this wisdom as much as we liked preparing it. What to do when you're just not sure which category your guy falls in, just consult the guidelines below. With kind regards, Amanda and Jessica (Ms. Date Guru), future New York Times Best Selling Authors.

DREAM GUY:

- Confident
- Successful/Ambitious
- Supportive, Caring
- Has a connection with me and attraction
- Security (ability to provide)
- Takes Initiative
- Strong enough to carry me to the bed without struggling
- Tall (5'10" - 6'3")
- Sense of Humor (prevents awkward situations)
- Does not stumble over his words when he is talking to you
- His actions speak louder than his words
- Says more than "good morning" and "goodnight" when he sits across from you at the office for a year
- Puts up a good chase(persistent) and earns the catch
- Doesn't kill the suspense
- last but not least...dark hair

DEAD END DUDE:

- Lying
- Won't Give Real Name
- Makes Excuses ("My Mom says I don't spend enough time at home. So I can't come over, can you come to my house?! *Age 24*)
- Makes plans then cancels, then asks if you want to hang out rather late
- Tries to keep you a secret
- Has a lame job/no job
- Lives with Mommy and Daddy
- Is all talk
- Dead-end ambition
- Lack of Focus
- Does not prioritize me
- Being a Hero (ditches me to break up a fight and be a superhero)
- Vain
- Goofball/Clown
- Grabs my face
- Doesn't want a yacht
- bulky Meat Heads /Jersey Shore guys

Can You Really Date a Gay Guy?

Homosexuality is a fairly new concept for our society. SOme think that it is determined at birth, other think it is learned. I remember m dad expressing concern that I would turn lesbian if I hadn't had a lot of guy over in a while. But I have a friend who was dating a guy for over 3 months before she found out he was gay! My friend, Sam just told me about how she was dating a guy who went to the same art school as her and she had never suspected anything from him by judging by their relationship or sex life. Then months later, when she was at the club with GBF (Gay Best Friend) she noticed then exchanging more then friendly glance. She didn't think anything was up until she couldn't find him anywhere in the club. So she left to the hotel they were both staying at and found her boyfriend in her GBF's room hooking up! She was shocked and she was upset for a while when she saw it happening but she decided that she was over it. She wasn't upset at her GBF, in fact I was surprised to hear she was actually grateful for him because it saved her from wasting even more time with him. She thought what gives? Why would someone pretend they were straight when they really weren't? But I think our society and sexuality education program in the U.S. emphasizes the importance of heterosexuality and people who don't fit inside that bubble feel as though they are weird when really they are just expressing their own unique sexuality. SOme call them fair weather fags, others call them indecisive. When I talked to Sexperts recently Dr Charles and Amy Miron, who said that sexuality is defined in your body by the time you reach age seven. Of course it is shocking and crude, what would you have done in that situation? Do you think sexuality is pliable? Put your opinions below.

Have a Fun Valentine's Day- Single or Taken

Making Valentine’s Day fun, means moving away from the commercialized concept of the holiday.
Bag the chocolates, the cheap cards, and expensive dates. While those things may be fun in moderation, Valentine's Day is a wonderful holiday that celebrates Love. I like to celebrate great friends, my family, and of course important relationships to me.

Who says Valentine's Day isn't for single people? Some of my favorite Valentine's Days are dressing up and going out with my girlfriends enjoying fun, laughs, and amazing company. If you're single, try going out with friends, dinner reservations may be hard to get but if you try some unconventional ideas this may be your best Valentine's Day yet. Get together and have a pot luck at a friend's house. Bring my Valentine's Day Mac & Cheese (recipe below), or cook it for your best friend but don't forget flowers on the table. (And by flowers I mean the ones you pick on your walk home).

If you're attached get a gift for the both of you like a bath bomb from Lush. Their sex bomb is my favorite. Or get your self a new lipstick, nail polish or bra that he will like too. Do something free and active. The misattribution arousal theory shows that increased heart rate mimics the effects of arousal and stimulation like the ones you get from romantic love. So do something outdoors like play tennis or window shopping exploring the sites in your own town. Just break free from the usual routine and do something new.

Valentine's Day Mac & Cheese
2 bay leaves
1 tsp. mace
1/2 a package of Medium Shells pasta (or elbow macaroni)
1/2 a cup of whole milk
1/2 a pint of heavy cream
2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese
salt and pepper to taste

For Breading:
1/4 cup of panko bread crumbs
1/4 cup of Parmesan Cheese
Makes 4 servings
Prep (Pasta Boil): 15 min
Cook time: 7 minutes under a High Broiler

Start by boiling the pasta. Then heat up the cream and milk with 2 bay leaves and mace. Cook to a boil, lower the heat for 5 minutes. Take out the bay leaves, and stir in the cheese. Add salt and pepper to taste. Once the pasta is ready drain it and add the sauce. Put the mac and cheese mixture in a baking dish and combine the breading ingredients. Sprinkle the breading all over the macaroni and put under the broiler for 7 minutes. Let rest for 5 minutes and Enjoy!

Hey Mr. DJ: Interview with DJ Saam

Hey Mr. DJ

How to Get a DJ’s attention:

Don’t request a song. Saam recognizes girls that are dancing and enjoying his music rather than those who talk his ear off with requests at the DJ booth. Maybe Madonna’s advice isn’t correct, don’t ask the DJ to play your song. If you’re trying to vibe with a DJ send positive vibes and body language like nodding your head, and grooving to the beat. When Saam wants to get the ladies pumped up, he’s sure to play lots of Ke$ha and Katy Perry….out is Marvin Gaye and Luther Vandross.

If DJ Saam and Ms. Date Guru were Djing your Sack Sesh, this Would be the Playlist:

Saam says the key to a good sex mix is incorporating songs with no vocals. Words in songs can distract you from “the moment”. This mix reflects progressive house, which creates the perfect ambience for your build up. His favorite is the moonbeam sample by Marcus Schultz.

DJ Saam with my boyfriend, Nick and I at D.C.'s
hottest rooftop club, Eden

About DJ Saam:

He is from Gaithersburg, Maryland but you would never know it because now he DJS at D.C.’s hottest clubs like Eden, Lotus, and Fly. He started doing small gigs in College Park, Maryland and opening for his DJ friend. He found out the sky is the limit. He’s putting his career first before dating at this point. But he’s looking for a down to earth girl that wants him for him, not his VIP status in clubs. Speaking personally, he is a very outgoing, friendly, and respectful person, and his smile makes women weak in the knees. If any ladies who are interested in contacting this gem, email msdateguru@gmail.com

Catch him in D.C.
Eden Wednesdays
Fridays at Fly
Barcode Saturdays

The Guidelines To Surprising Girls

      Between all the romantic comedies girls watch, girls’ expectation of courting and romance has changed. Guys are feeling the pressure to do things bigger and better than ever before to get girls attention. But those helicopter messages and bed of roses are highly overrated. I personally think the best things in life are free. I think that a simple serenade is more romantic than a lavish limo ride followed by an ocean view dinner or an expensive necklace. Many guys think women love surprises but that isn’t necessarily the case.  

Wait until you know the girl well to surprise her, definitely don’t do it on a first date. Getting to know a girl better will shed insight about her feelings of the unexpected, and spontaneity. For example, girls that are picky eaters at restaurants will usually be unappreciative of surprises, because it’s out of her control. Taking a girl to a surprise place, is less risky though so if you need to test the way she reacts to surprises, than try taking her to you favorite park or one of your favorite site seeing spots in the near by city. Guys should primarily be he one surprising girls because it shows that he is comfortable making decisions, or “wearing the pants” in the relationship. Be careful getting her best friend or mom in on an elaborate plan because there’s a risk they might tell.

In terms of gifts, if you get a girl a gift and she doesn’t like it, than it may do more harm than good because she’ll be disappointed. Also don’t play up a surprise or surprise date, it is a very good idea to take the initiative and plan things and it shows thought that you took effort and that you care about her which girls like. But when you build a surprise up, she might be disappointed just like prom, for example, that was built up with anticipation in teen magazines and from dress shopping, and all the money spent on primping that the actual night was eclipsed in comparison. 

Slow & Steady Wins The Race

    Though it's finals week, I'm going to take a break to elaborate on my dear friend Zainab's words of wisdom: "Things that start fast, end fast"
    What I keep hearing time and time again- you need to slow things down in the beginning of a relationship. You need to go through the attraction phase first and then uncertainty.Otherwise you will have that doubt later on in the relationship.
           This was the case for one of my friends recently. She was lonely because she just broke up with her boyfriend and wanted to get validation from another guy. So she jumped into a relationship with one of her guy friends. Needless to say, she was freaked out about how fast they were going and they are not together now because the intentions behind it weren't genuine.
          I even help conduct research about this. My professor is studying how rejection effects  relationship interactions with people who have similiar characteristics. We are slowly finding that if you get rejected, take my friend who was broken up with by her boyfriend, you will look to strengthen NOT weaken relationships with those with similiar characteristics, which in this case was her guy friend who soon turned boyfriend.  In the case of my friend, after having rejection experiences with two guys she was left damaged and unnecessary baggage. She could have avoided this baggage by getting to know her guy friend better before deciding to jump into a relationship with him. She destroyed any possibility of hem being together, even though I thought they would be really compatible.
        
        Recently I was listening to music from my childhood and heard this lyric, "I waited for her call, she always kept me waiting. And if I ever get another chance I'de still ask her to dance because she kept me waiting", in Blink 182's song, Rock Show. I think art imitates life. That's why I urge my friends to fully get to know the guy they are interested in before they become exclusive and then start to date.

        There are a lot of things that may come up the longer you know the person. Some people lay it all on the line in the beginning, like this one guy I met recently who talked about getting arrested the first time we met....huge red flag! But most people present their best selves first and then their inner demons come later. On many levels it is good to know the person well so you know if they have an issues, how to handle them, and if you're even willing to handle them or would rather find someone else.
           I have a guideline for knowing when you know the person well enough to move on to the next level. It is safe to assume you can date if you know the person's family structure (how many brothers/sisters they have, if their parents are divorced/together, how their parents treated them while growing up), how they deal with conflict (do they like to be alone, talk about it), if they are generally a stubborn or easy going person, and if you know enough about their past relationships (if they are ready to jump into a new one or are still hurting from a past experience and whether or not they've ever been love, the degree of seriousness in these relationships). If you know these, you can detect any red flags.
            Make sure you acknowledge red flags and you don't just want to give the person the benefit of the doubt. I see some people who love the idea of someone but don't actually love them. Love is when you can appreciate someone for who they really are which requires you to know them well. When you appreciate someone for who they are as a person, you can recognize that even their flaws make them who they are. Dating and exclusivity are the foundations for love and relationships so make sure you have a strong foundation before you build a house and get to know someone to some extent, if you plan on dating them.

Sometimes bad relationships go on because of good sex:

This is a somewhat common problem because being intimate with a partner creates attachment, not only for the women but for the men too. Since sex is a basic need, it’s fulfillment may seem more obvious or pressing than deeper emotional and intellectual needs. But all three are necessary for a full, significant love. If your relationship is based on simply lust, that is a warning sign for turbulence ahead. In a situation like this, it is hard to look at the situation from an outside, objective perspective because of the sexual attachment, but you must do so and when you do you will see the lack of significant connection. A relationship like this is by no means a bad thing, as long as you know what you want. A lot of my girlfriends get placed in these situations seemingly without their consent but their problem was getting involved with him in the first place. If you are looking for an exclusive hook-up buddy this may be sufficient for you; but don’t be in a relationship that isn’t working because of the sex, there’s more where that came from.