Making Moves & Relationships

I was reading an article the other day about relationship status Facebook trends. I discovered that December 25th is the day with the highest number of break ups, I considered this particularly ironic because most think of the holidays as a time to spread love, joy, and cheer. My yoga instructor put it best when she said, during the winter we are spread in two directions: retreating from the elements and wanting to crowd our schedules and do all of our endless tasks. The pull can be trying and taxing on us physically and mentally. But is the changing seasons in our environment, or lack thereof have any effect on our relationships? As I have said goodbye to many friends who have left for warmer climates, I have noticed something they all have in common: the stability of climate had a positive affect on friends, grounding them and focusing their efforts. Many of them said they didn't even notice the holiday times and weren't stressed by it. Well in Dc, in the middle of rainstorms, metro delays, and crowded malls it's almost impossible not to notice the hecticness of the holidays. But if your surrounded by palm trees and warm weather, I'de imagine it would be a bit different. With the fluidity of the year and stable environment, it's easy for people to be content whether they are single or attached. Environment isn't everything in a relationship and of course there are many other factors involved, but Im simply suggesting if the decision is to move to New York or LA, picking LA may dramatically improve your outlook and relationships.

The transition from cold to warm climate can be tricky though, and I'm not just talking about taming your frizz in the humidity, but adjusting to the change in pace and new attitude of the place you're moving. They say "When in Rome do as the Romans do" so as many of you are coming to cross roads in life and decisions of moving are put forth I challenge you to think about which location can offer you the most of what you're looking for- and move there! Are you looking for a lot of flings, try Vegas. Want to attract artsy, creative people, move to the village in New York. Want someone exotic and high energy? Miami would be right for you. Want to find an active outdoor type, Boulder is the place for you then. So do you want a dramatic change? Or will you stay in your mindset? If so, maybe you want to stay close to home. I have seen too many friends make bad decisions on their move and they end up hating it because they felt like they stick out like a sore thumb. My only exception to this rule is not to move somewhere for someone, if you want to move, Do it independently. And as New Years is approaching and you consider your resolutions, consider moving can be the easiest way to change your mindset, your experiences, and your life. Birds migrate South for the winter, maybe there's a point to that.

Xoxo,

Ms, Date Guru

Advice on Love and Sex From Dr. Charles and Amy Miron

Last week I was intrigued to find out there were two sex experts coming to the University of Maryland- Dr. Charles and Amy Miron . When I met them I instantly thought, they were a cooler version of Meet the Fockers. They are members of American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and teach sex education classes together at a community college in Baltimore. They shed some powerful insight on the dynamics of relationships and sex. They have been working together for decades which is why I asked them for their tips for couples having a romantic and business relationship. They said it is possibly to mix business with pleasure, they enjoy being together during the work day due to their good conflict resolution skills, having a strong sense of self and partner, and sticking up for themselves but at the same time still compromising. Similar to working together, living together will also give you shared experiences that might help you gather insight on whether or not your partner is right for you. They said the only way to know whether or not to settle down (or get married) to someone is to go through time and trauma with them. An anonymous question was asked about whether it was appropriate to move in with a boyfriend and they assured us that moving in is a test drive phase but to follow the two year rule. After two years, you will know if your relationship has enough to grow and share a life together. They didn’t refer to each other as husband and wife but Amy dearly described Charles as her “best friend and life partner”. They praise monogamous sex, and claim no sex is safe sex but use of condoms are safest. In terms of relationships, they support consensual monogamous sex, they have been happily married for 43 years. The thing that I found most intriguing was their sexual "limor" diminishing any preconceptions about love fading with age. They stressed that everyone has unique sexual drives and ticks. They have a unique language for the different tastes in sex. They believe have 3 basic "flavors" which are: love sex, fun sex, and sex sex. Love Sex is the deep sensual sex you see in movies that is tender. It is characterized by both partners are actively in touch Fun sex is for fun, instead of watching t.v. or playing a game together. And sex sex is sex that happens when you need to just scratch an itch, having sex to get it out of your system. And they give back too! They have been organizing a sex retreat for 9th graders to apply creative group building and teaching techniques that reach further beyond sex education in the classroom. They taught me, as an aspiring marriage counselor that marriage can last and be successful even after time. And shared their secret to having a successful relationship- asking what YOU can do to improve their relationship instead of pointing fingers or blame on your partner to put in more effort.