Ms. Date Guru's Monthly Dating Dish Column: "Creative Date Ideas, No Matter What Your Status"

By Jessica Berdan

Written especially for Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog:

Are you planning a big date with someone new or a live-in girlfriend this weekend? Feel free to take inspiration from some of these ideas and prepare to wow her pants off- literally. For this one, I will be combining Rachel’s philosophies with mine! I think you shouldn’t let anything get in the way of your love life–even time & especially money. I believe it is better to have more low cost dates than a few super dates. Rachel is always stressing how to make the best out of your love life, no matter your status. And with these date ideas you’re guaranteed a good time with your partner whether you’re going on your first date, are seeing each other, are in a relationship, or if you’re cohabitating. These dates are out of the box and in most cases the only cost is transportation, so you have no excuse!

Use these ideas to spice up your date tonight!

If It’s Your First Date:

Everyone knows how important first impressions are. That’s why you need to wow her by avoiding the cliché dinner and movie. (However, Rachel never underestimates the importance of a great meal and often states her idea of the perfect first date as breakfast, lunch, or dinner!)  Anyway, we both agree that it is crucial to make effort to capture a woman’s interest.

The formula for a perfect first date:

an activity that is a conversation starter + a social, but intimate setting where you can hear each other speak 

= a great first date.

For example:

* Go to a free art gallery opening: Check the Style and Metro section in your local newspaper for free & fun cultural events daily!

* Try an active couple’s activity like playing tennis or going on a speed walk around the park.
Get your heart rate up! Studies show that getting your heart rate up makes the opposite sex appear more attractive. The increased heart rate and endorphins are also characteristics of attraction. People mistakenly attribute physiological effects of physical activity with feelings of attraction and love.

If You’re Seeing Each Other:
You see each other from time to time. You’re not exclusive but you want to change things up and do something other than hanging out with friends.

* Discover a new part of town. Live in Manhattan and never been to Brooklyn? Why not go with your partner? Sharing new experiences together also increases those “feel good feelings” that will create greater attraction and a deeper connection. Doing these fun things are shown to produce endorphins which are like a self-produced, natural, legal drug. So you can skip the alcohol.

Subscribe to discount event websites like UrbanDaddy.com to find fun events in your city at low prices.

* Go to lunch or happy hour instead of dinner. As mentioned previously, it is better to do low cost dates a few times a week than lavish dates once in a while, especially when you’re dating someone new.

What better way to break the daily monotony than a fun lunch/happy hour with the person you’re seeing? Make sure to check out all the great deal sites out there like Living Social Instant Deals. They have great flash sales on their site offering $30 food and drink credit for just $10 in most major US cities!

If You’re in a Relationship:

You have been in a relationship for a while and start getting comfortable you need to shake things up and do something new! Skipping your regular spots once in a while is good because it shows you’re open minded and like up for trying new things.

* Go apple, strawberry, blueberry, coconut picking. No matter where you live, there are plenty of local farms where you can pick fresh, local produce. It is not only great for the environment and for you, but it is an active, romantic activity that you most likely haven’t done since childhood. These are great because you only pay for what you pick and can choose based on freshness and quality. Often it is more costly than produce you’ll find in grocery stores.

Making something together is a good exercise in couples building. Why not kill two birds with one stone and make a great pie or dish with what you pick? Go to foodnetwork.com for the most scrumptious recipe ideas. You can search recipes by ingredient, and meal (dinner, dessert, lunch, etc…) Happy cooking!

* Take a trip together:
Many people are so stressed with the daily grind, school, or a job that they are rarely present or aware, even with their boy/girlfriends. The best way to break the monotony is to go somewhere new and exciting. No matter how close or far, a little change of surroundings can change a lot. Traveling together is an exercise in couples building as well. Check out this site for great travel ideas from small towns to Europe backpacking destinations here!

If You’re Cohabitating:
You see each other every day. The problem isn’t time together; it is lack of romance or spontaneity. A little surprise can go a long way. There are many ways to reintroduce the excitement and romance, while sharing a residence.

* Go to a wine tasting at a local vineyard
This is a romantic idea that’s well worth the research and planning. Check out local vineyards near you. Admission often includes a tour, wine discounts, and the equivalent of 2-3 glasses of wine. You don’t need to go to California to get great wine; it could be right outside your city.

* Decorate Your Place or Rearrange the Furniture
The perfect prelude to a romantic dinner or drinks out is antipasto at home. Change your surroundings up, rearrange your furniture for free or get a great table cloth, candles and candle holders to decorate. Set up a fruit and cheese platter, nuts, meats or whatever you like. If you’re not the best cook, get something frozen and a glass of wine.

Even if you have to get off work early the little things really make all the difference and effects of re-energizing your relationship will make it well- worth it. Extra Credit, whisk your partner to a restaurant, lounge or bar after!

Jessica Berdan is Ms. Date Guru by day and relationship connoisseur by night on a mission to revive chivalry and teach girls everywhere how to go from doormat to dream girl. She is the Resident Blogger for Ms. Date Guru and Assistant for top NYC Dating, Relationship, & Image Coach, Rachel Russo. You can follow Jessica on Twitter here @msdateguru

Chasing Money & Chasing Women

Welcome to the second installment of The Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men. Today we are looking at the way successful men handle their money is similar to the way they handle their women. Act too slow and you could lose your opportunity but strike to hard and fast and you could destroy an opportunity. How do you fine the perfect balance? 


Taking the same principles you use to promote and market a product can be used to promote and hype up yourself. I bet you've heard of launch parties for new products, but have you heard of launch parties for people? Successful men take every opportunity to boost their reputation and appeal as they would with a product or service they are offering. One ladies man told me the best way to do this is to throw a huge party and let the people speak for you. Once you impress one girl in a group you practically have the respect of the entire group. This technique is used to network but can also be used as an effective method to attract women to you. 

A wise ladies man from DC once told me quite eloquently, "You can never lose bitches chasing money, but you will always lose money chasing bitches." What does this mean? It mean that you have to spend the bulk of your time and energy on furthering yourself instead of impressing women or else the women will never be impressed. If you spend all your spare time and money whisking soulless women out on dates, even though it's a number game, you will not succeed. Investing your emotion on a woman is risky business for a man and do so boldly but cautiously as you would approach an big, long term investment.  


Want that go getter, player mind set? A ladies man I interviewed in Miami recommended reading this controversial, but still informative passage from Machiavelli's The Prince to get the learn the kind of attitude that attracts women:

"Fortune changes and men stubbornly continue to behave in the same way, men flourish when their behavior suits the times and fails when they are out of step. I do think however, that it is better to be headstrong than cautious, for fotune is a lady. It is nessary if you want to master her to beat and strike her and she often submits to those who act boldly than those who proceed in a calculating fashion. Morever since she is a lady she smiles on the young, for they are less cautious, more ruthless and overcome her with their boldness" 

To those analytical, high thinking people take away from this what you will. But I warn, do NOT take it literally! Most men get so nervous about even talking to women or getting close a woman they have feelings for. But reading this and keeping that mindset in the back of your head will help you guys muster the confidence to WOW any girl that approaches you. 

New Series: The Guide to Being a Businessman & Ladies Man

Have you noticed how generally men who are successful at business are also successful at getting women too? That’s because they use the same principles to succeed at both. I interviewed ladies men from around the country to get their tips and tricks. This is the first of three installments of the Rules of Business & Bitches.

 1.) Establish Authority: 

 Men who don’t stand up for themselves are picked on at the workplace and used, stood up, or both by women. Men who establish their authority at the start of a job are respected by their associates and they are also respected by women. An easy way to establish authority is by using statements when you speak, instead of by using questions. Read more about this in my previous blog: You See a Hot Girl, Now What? Don’t be afraid to make strong eye contact, when you look at someone in the eye and they look down- that is subordinate behavior and it subconsciously sets the tone for authority. Paying attention to your body language is as important in the board room as much as in a bar. Making snide jokes or comments can be another passive move that can subconsciously establish power. One of the ladies men from LA I interviewed said that he never approaches girls, because he doesn't need to. The way he carries himself and decorates himself does it for him. He strongly recommends wearing accessories, Mystery Method's Infamous peacocking technique, because he says it gives girls a non-threatening conversation technique. He lets business deals and bitches come to him by establishing authority while no being overly aggressive. Whether you're talking business or women, the rule is the same: you have to be firm with what you say and how you carry yourself.  If you promise something you have to back it up, and the same goes for people who challenge you. And you can maybe integrate some pick-up techniques WITHIN REASON, while you're at it.

Want more rules to ace business and women? Did you know that you are more productive at work when you take 5 minute breaks every hour? Why not read Rule # 2 in the Guide to Businessmen and Ladies Men during your productivity break tomorrow, Friday April 27th? Tune in Tomorrow for the Second Installment: Chasing Money & Chasing Women

How to Approach Differences in Money Managing Views in order to Strengthen Your Relationship, Not Weaken It

First, the problem is that you have to communicate your difference of opinion to your partner. Identify what it is that is bothering you. Is it that your partner is living paycheck to paycheck instead of being long-term oriented and saving? Is it that you think your partner is living a lifestyle that is too lavish, or too humble? Does your partner’s generosity make your uncomfortable, or do you wish he would be more generous. Dig deep and figure out what exactly you don’t like and identify that instance. Use the non-critical format to bring it up with your partner: “I felt (emotion) when (describe event) happened.” Don’t use the word, “you” that will help your partner feel less threatened and help you avoid nagging…because what’s worst than making your partner feeling nagged.

Traditionally, men know that using money is a strong tool to make women stay faithful, ensure they stay around, or in the case of relationship abuse…to control their partner. I was trained as a Violence Intervention Assistant and learned about characteristics of healthy vs. unhealthy relationships and red flags of relationship abuse. Obviously you have to stray away from money habits that contribute to unhealthy or controlling relationships. As a woman, it is important to financially stable on your own or else you may risk slipping into an unhealthy relationship. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, Why Men Love Bitches, “You have to own the pink slip to your life”. Of course it is okay to accept meals and gifts from your partner, more on that in my blog, “Who’s the Real Whore” (link)

I have been hearing various inquiries about money advice from clients. According to Couples Magazine, “couples fight more about money than they do about sex”. And though I focus on relationships, dating, and sex in reality, financial issues are the number one reason for divorce currently, and sex is the second most common reason for divorce. Interestingly enough, there was a real world example on the talk show I saw, The Revolution. In the show, the woman was making double the salary than the man in the couple- they were talking about moving in together and she had doubts due to financial issues.

The Money advisor on the show said that dating is all about getting to know your financial boundaries. She agrees with me that you shouldn’t criticize your partner, just figure out what your financial goals and boundaries are. Talk about your parents’ spending habits; your current spending habits could have a lot to do with the past. She suggested trying a “Financial Fast” for 21 days, you can’t spend money except necessities and you can’t use any credit….hmmm Seems a little extreme for me I would much rather do a Juice Fast lol

Xoxo,

The Guru

Why Men Lie: Liar Liar Pants on Fire

I am in love with this week's latest guest posting on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog by Eric Leech Author of Love, Lust, & Relationships and resident blogger at http://www.datingwebsites.org. Finally, you get a taste of some advice about men, from men! Check out the full blog at: Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog

. Excerpts from Eric Leeches Post are featured below:

Why do men lie, is a common question among women. It is often answered by the old adage, because he can, and he gets away with it. The biggest problem with men lying in relationships, is that 30 percent of them can roll a whopper off their tongue, with the same ease and confidence as telling mom he loves her. What is it that gives men the satisfaction of lying about his feelings, background, whereabouts, needs, understanding, and availability? Allow me to enlighten you.

“I am the CEO at BS Incorporated” Studies show that men are fundamentally group players. They thrive off their image, and what other people think of them. This is why it is quite common for a man to boast about things that he has not yet achieved. This doesn’t necessarily make him a bad guy. However, it can be a deal breaker for some women.

“I’m on my way” When was the last time your guy told you he was on his way, only to show up three hours later with a bouquet of flowers and a sheepish grin? This is a form of passive aggression, and is particularly common when there is a function involving friends, family, a ballet, or wedding. You can overcome this aggression by resisting the temptation to nag him, and instead loosen his noose for the moments that don’t matter. However, let him know when it is really important for him to be on time, and if he still fails to come through, you’ll know you’re not at the top of his list.

“I’ll call you” Studies suggest that most men fall head over heals on a first date. This is basic brain chemistry, as the oxytocin created from being with a woman, is a couple of levels below that of a heroin high. However, just because he is on cloud nine, doesn’t mean that once he gets home, he won’t fall off and find a replacement (alcohol, video games, dating websites, porn, etc.). In addition, men like to be likable. If he is given the choice to end a date on an up or down note, he will choose happy almost every time. The lesson here, is not to read too much into a guy’s reaction on the first date, as that can be unreliable.

To read the rest on Rachel Russo's Status Makeover Blog, a blog that helps you fall in love with your love life as Rachel falls (More) in love with hers...follow this link to the full article

Who’s the Real Whore?

In this current day and age many women are labeled whores but in reality, who is the real whore? Is it women who have sex for free? Or is it women who exchange sex for financial/money favors? And by financial favors, I don’t mean cash in an envelope, I mean the simple act of benevolent sexism: letting a man buy you a drink, letting a man buy you dinner, let a man buy you gifts, and the list goes on.

To some extent, all relationships whether they be dating, relationships, marriage, sex, etc…They all boil down to some fundamental transactional component. Relationships require a certain amount of trust. Women offer their intimacy in exchange for a man’s protection… Well, I mean unless you’re a new age feminist that sees men as sperm donors and that’s pretty much it.

A “whore” is defined as, “A person considered sexually promiscuous.” So who is more sexually promiscuous? Some women ironically think that passing on vaginal sex and having oral sex instead is less promiscuous- but in reality, men think the exact opposite. So if a woman thinks that she will make a man stick around by avoiding the sexual act it might actually make him run faster than I can say “Would you like a cup of coffee?” Some woman take bragging rights over the low number of sexual partners they’ve had:

But is she even bragging? Or is she self-conscious of sex? Could it just be her “anti-slut barrier” deep down, subconsciously?

Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl (pictured) is always tiptoeing on this very fine line. Although she dishes enough judgement on Serena to break a horse's back she mainly uses sex or seduction as a means of distraction or extortion. She even tries to marry a prince for status, in fact anyone she has ever dated was for status. So even though Serena is the "bad girl" on the Page 6 with her many scandals, she does it out of passion and interest, while Blair does it out of attention. Clearly, Blair dresses more conservative on the outside, but on the inside she beat Serena for the title of biggest whore on Gossip Girl. See what I'm getting at?

I think it’s important to have a healthy bipartisan stance on these issues. If you decide to accept a free meal, or a free flight from a gentleman than isn’t necessarily an obligation to hook-up with him. But at the same time, if you pass on men’s passes it may seem you aren’t interested. So why don’t you stop judging? Many self-respecting women exchange sex for financial favors and it happens everyday.

What does it say about women who give themselves for free?

What do you think? Join the Discussion on “Upfront & Straightforward” with Alan Roger Curie, the #1 most listened Blog Talk Radio internet radio station in the category of Dating and Relationships, and Self Help for Singles. Listen to callers and dating experts (like me!) debate this question on Thursday April 12, 2012 at 10pm EST.

Xoxo,

Ms. Date Guru

Best Friends and Boyfriends

Readers & Trend Makers alike,

Are you ready for my new, monthly column for my boss, Rachel Russo's, StatusMakeover.com? It's called The Dating Dish and will be my impression on the dating dilemmas plauging us every month. Make sure to follow her site (not just for my column).

Here's a little taste of this month's installment.
"So on to the topic of the week: BEST FRIENDS AND BOYFRIENDS. Why is it that when it comes to these two, they just don’t mix? I remember seeing a Youtube video “What Girlfriends Say to Boyfriends” and she said, “all my friends hate you”. Why is it that a rift can so easily be created between friends when a budding relationship is occurring. Friends know that competing with your boyfriend is pointless so they give up and make new friends. But what happens when you are at a point of your relationship when you want to leave, why are your friends nowhere to be found? That should be the time you reconnect with your old crew but instead, I find, friends keep their distance and refrain from giving break up support or advice. Why is that?........."

Check out www.StatusMakeover.com for the full blog!

xoxox, Ms. Date Guru