While reading the title, you're probably pretty intrigued, no one has pin pointed a sure fire way to make these work. Most people just wing it and hope it works out but are crushed in the end when it doesn't. And still others, think that they have no chance to work out. You probably have friends who have struggled with long distance relationships and most have failed. But I challenge you also recall some people who have stuck it out and made it work. These people are the ones who give people hope in them and open the possibility of it working. These are the ones who have inspired may failed long distance relationships. Recently I chatted with my ex-boyfriend. We dated long distance for about 2 years, we rehashed what went wrong and right and figured out the key to making it work. So I will share our insight, so you don't need to go through the suffering we did in order to learn the secret to successful long distance relationships.
You can save your self the time and strain because there is one key that will determine the degree of success a long distance relationship will have- before it is even started! People that succeed in long distance relationships, that is those who stay together, are ones that have established the foundation of their relationship before they were apart. They worked to create, develop an establish a real connection centered around mutual respect, romantic intimacy, and trust for each other before the distance. That's why even a strong immediate connection with someone is not enough.
Say you meet someone on a vacation and you really mesh well with them and think you have a possibility to make it work- you're wrong. Because after a certain point the relationship will dissolve under the weight of temptation, different priorities, etc. Even when your long distance relationship is with a childhood friend or best friend it is risky because the transition from friends to a relationship relies so much on developing a romantic connection through touch etc. The intimacy of a close friend is not the same as one with a lover or partner. Proximity is the most important feature in developing relationships. The truth is there are so many fish in the sea, and it is hard to realistically accept we have only one soul mate on Earth that is destined to be our life partner. Usually if the relationship does continue long distance it is for other reasons- lack of other options, low self-confidence, or lack of motivation and these reasons are out of the scope of your partner.
It is hard to have a successful and meaningful relationship if you don't have any future intentions or plans to be in the same place in the future. In addition to cohabitation which a huge trend now in dating, a less popular but still emerging trend has developed in which couples live in the same city/area but apart (in different apartments), but new problems like time commitment, lack of touch, and the need to make more sacrifices and compromises get in the way when relationships are limited by distance.
Although a person may be right for you in every way, if they are not willing to be close with you physically as well it could signal a lack of commitment. Uprooting one's life is a hard task and that responsibility usually falls in the woman's lap because of men's generally higher earnings and the fact that jobs are a bigger part of men's identity than women's- although this gap is shrinking. So a partner's unwillingness to do this may be the kiss of death to most long distance relationships- to those who are realistic. You can't have a full bodied connection with someone if they are far away from you. And because long distance is such a hard commitment to keep, you want to make sure there is willingness from both sides.
When you are long distance for a certain time period, it may be easier to carry on knowing you will at some point be able to build upon the relationship. Why would you want to date someone long distance that you know you have no future with? Because essentially a long distance relationship is an depreciated investment and your heart is the currency-keep this in mind when you start one because you may come out with a broken heart. But I would advise continuing with a relationship if it healthy and developed especially if you can see a future. The moment when you see this isn't a possibility it is wise to re-evaluate the investment because you may find that you want to cut your losses.
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