Monday, December 20, 2010

Top 100 Reasons Why He Won't Text You Back

         In our modern technological age, an unreturned text can signal a social disaster. But sometimes you need to step back and calm down because there could be any reason why he isn't texting you back. If you take anything away from this it's that there's more reason why he can't text you that have nothing to do with you. So if you're waiting on something really important, read this list over and I'm sure he will text you by the time you finish the list- and if not here's to a great laugh. Maybe in life, it's good to have the last word, but not in texting. My favorite ones are bolded. 

  1. He broke all of his fingers in an arm wrestle
  2. He has a girlfriend
  3. His jealous ex-girlfriend deleted the text before he saw it
  4. He is under the Imperius Curse and has been instructed by Voldemort to ignore you
  5. His Mom cancelled the account because he never calls her
  6. He left his phone in a public bathroom
  7. He’s waiting another hour so he doesn’t look desperate
  8. His phone fell out of his pocket in his car and he can’t reach the spot under the seat
  9. He heard a rumor about you and is trying to figure out if it’s true before he texts you back
  10. He’s bummed you stole his thunder and texted him first
  11. He dropped his phone in the toilet
  12. He knows you have friends who write for Her Campus and doesn’t want to be on the next Asshole-O-Meter
  13. He has an STD…he’s doing you a favor.
  14. He decided texting is ruining his social skills so only wants to talk to you in person
  15. He’s in class and actually puts his phone on silent
  16. He is on a plane to Australia
  17. He still can’t figure out how to use T9
  18. He’s at the gym
  19. His childhood pet just died and he’s too sad to flirt
  20. He thought the outfit you wore to the mixer was supposed to be serious
  21. He doesn’t like you. (Sorry)
  22. He’s stoned
  23. He’s stoned and involved in a serious round of Mario Kart
  24. He thinks that he texted you back, but he’s currently sexting one of the other 23 Sarah’s in his phone by mistake
  25. He lost a bet and isn’t allowed to talk to hot girls for 30 days
  26. He doesn’t get service on campus
  27. He can’t read
  28. He doesn’t speak English
  29. He’s still drunk
  30. He left his phone in the pocket of his pants, which are now in the laundry
  31. He got diagnosed with a particularly painful case of carpel tunnel syndrome
  32. He’s a concert pianist who needs to rest his fingers before a big concert
  33. He stalked you on Facebook and thought your joke relationship status was real
  34. You’re his TA
  35. He realized he once hooked up with your sister
  36. He’s waiting until 2am so he doesn’t have to talk to you sober
  37. He forgot that girls like to text even if we have nothing to say
  38. He’s an Orthodox Jew who observes Shabbat—and you texted him on Friday night
  39. He’s madly in love with you and doesn’t think he’ll be able to engage in small talk without passionately declaring his feelings.  And that would be weird.
  40. You used an obscure emoticon or said “lol”, “u 2,” or “g2g” in your text to him, so he knew it wouldn’t work out
  41. He works for the CIA
  42. He’s pledging a frat...enough said
  43. He doesn’t want you to find out that he’s really 35 and married
  44. Because you also emailed, skyped, g-chatted, tweeted, Facebooked, called, and faxed him
  45. He’s in love with your best friend
  46. He gave up technology for Lent
  47. He just got a manicure and doesn’t want to mess it up* (*SEE NUMBER 22)
  48. He’s busy
  49. He caught you Facebook stalking him in the library
  50. He’s texting his sister at the same time and doesn’t want to send the wrong text to the wrong girl (disaster!)
  51. He has decided to become Amish since you last spoke
  52. He’s broke and assumes texting you will lead to spending money on you
  53. He’s taking a vow of silence
  54. He heard you’re texting half of his fraternity as well
  55. He sobered up
  56. He’s at work
  57. He’s running a marathon
  58. He’s at a movie marathon
  59. His phone died and he can’t find the charger
  60. He’s considering joining the priesthood
  61. He heard you’re actually a classy, nice girl, and he’s not into that
  62. He doesn’t want to lead you on
  63. He’s with his bros and doesn’t want to be caught “cute” texting
  64. He’s involved in an intense game of World of Warcraft (this is not your loss)
  65. He’s on the phone with his Mom
  66. He doesn’t have a texting plan?
  67. His phone is buried under the mountain of laundry he’s waiting to take home over break
  68. He’s too busy analyzing the new Kanye West album
  69. He thinks you’re out of his league
  70. He prefers high school girls
  71. Your text didn’t warrant a response
  72. He’s in shock
  73. He’s having a “guy’s night”
  74. He forgot
  75. Because it’s only been, like, twenty minutes. Calm the eff down, girl
  76. His phone died
  77.  There was a family emergency
  78.  He was just eating something sticky and hasn’t gotten around to washing his hands
  79. He’s in jail
  80. His phone was stolen
  81. He realized his friend likes you, so bro code says he shouldn’t text you back
  82. He’s driving
  83. He has mono
  84. You texted the wrong guy
  85. He’s worried his phone is being wiretapped and he doesn’t want to incriminate himself
  86. He saved your number as something funny (“Candy the Stripper”) and forgot who it was
  87. He forgot to get your number so he doesn’t know who texted him
  88. He read the text in his sleep and then thought it was a dream
  89. He didn’t get the joke you just made and feels stupid
  90. He forgot to pay his phone bill and his account has been cancelled
  91. He was really angry and threw his phone against the wall
  92.  He has the iPhone “drunk dialer app” and he can’t figure out how to unlock his phone
  93. He’s not a big texter, he prefers talking on the phone
  94. He’s trying to think of something funny to say
  95. He is taking a (really long) nap
  96. He’s worried you only texted him as a joke or to win a bet (circa every teen movie from the ‘90s)
  97. He’s gay
  98. He talked to one of your ex-boyfriends who told him you’re a psycho
  99. He’s watching a sports game
  100. He thought the pimple on your lip was herpes
Taken from the orignial article on And make sure to check out Her Campus Maryland, I am the Marketing Director and a common guest blogger at 


  1. The guy that wont text me back has a girlfriend but we used to talk so much! And then i send him a text saying "Are we still friends?" and he doesnt even respond to that! And i dont know what to do. I really want to be friends, but i dont want to sound desperate!

    1. If your man is pushing you away and acting distant

      Or if the guy you’re after isn’t giving you the time of day...

      Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

      Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

      And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

      Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

      Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

      It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

      And even begging to be with you.

      Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

      Thanks again.

  2. My boyfriend never texts me first he went to a party last night around four stopped talking to me at that time too. Its been 24hours wth if he loves me like he says he does then why the heck does he never text me first?!

  3. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.