The Answer to All Your Problems

One of the hardest thing I encounter being Ms. Date Guru is people coming up to me expecting me to have the perfect answer. That is the predicament many psychologists face during their careers. What people don’t know is they have to come to the answer themselves. Because, regardless of my expertise if I tell someone to do something they don’t want to do, they won’t do it. A lot of people know the right answer, but it’s hard to swallow. Often times you don’t want to do the right thing because they are too tough. Because like the old adage says, “No one said it would be easy, they merely said it would be worth it.”

Another thing is people complain that things are easier said than done. That is harder to practice than to preach but first come thoughts and then come actions. Quoting one of my favorite books, How to Make Friends and influence People, “Action seems to follow feeling but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling which is not. “ I feel like that pretty much summarizes people’s problems with changing their behavior or actions. Many think that they have to change their thoughts or feelings first and often fail because that is very hard to do. First, you must change your actions or behavior and that will lead to the right feelings and mind set. Like I tell many of my friends and confidants, “Fake it ‘till you make it.” If you don’t think you’re special enough to be treated well, you won’t earn that treatment and therefore will be disrespected by friends and lovers alike.

And going along with that, one has to be able to picture what they want in order to get it. Take the classic unrequited love example say you have a crush on the most popular boy or a teen idol. Of course you don’t have the slightest chance with them because you put them at such a high pedestal and I’m betting many women have had these crushes and not acted on them because they thought they were so far off. Well the girls who end up dating the most popular guy and the cocktail waitresses that end up dating Michael Phelps don’t see them as an untouchable celebrity, in fact they think, this guy should be lucky to have me, and the men end up believing it. And take it from me, the attitude tweak really does work, it may sound hard or counter-productive but think it and in time, the change will come.