Miss Independent, That's Why I Love Her

There has been a recent trend evident in songs like “Miss Independent” by Kelly Clarkson, “Sexy Love” by Ne-yo and “I-N-D-E-P-E-D-A-N-T” by Webbie, illustrating the recent shift in the reasons why men value women. I am talking about the recent societal trend in which men have begun to respect women who don’t need them. The cause of this shift may lie in the social trends that have provided women with more economic autonomy from men. These social trends have changed the double standard and liberated women both economically and sexually. Some of these trends include increase in women in the paid labor force, increase in the divorce rate, increase of age at first marriage, and the advent of birth control technology. All these trends combined have led to the liberalization of sexual behaviors and attitudes toward premarital sex and promiscuity for both sexes. In fact, now-a-days people rarely if ever use the word “promiscuous” to judge someone’s sexual behavior, but just fifty years ago this was widely used.

 
“She got her own house, she got her own car;” now women can afford to support themselves. Because of this, the goal of a romantic relationship has shifted from economical and familial stability to the development of love and emotional support. This is highly beneficial because it subdues the possibility of financial issues causing a rift in your otherwise compatible relationship. As a woman develops her financial stability, she may also notice that she gains more power in her relationship, because, citing John Gray’s Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus: men see achievement in primarily monetary terms while women see it in emotional terms. So in order for your partner to see you as an equal, you must provide for yourself. The same reasoning applies to your emotional side too; you have to be happy on your own in order to add to someone else’s happiness. Little Miss. Independent is a satisfied, happy woman; so she attracts more men and is desirable to date. When a woman is financially secure, the only reason you would date her is because you are attracted to her as a PERSON and you want to spend time with her. Men like feeling appreciated but not needed, Little Miss Independent knows the difference.

 
Now us, women are able to be more selective when finding our mates because we look for things like complementary needs, social homogeny (being in similar social circles or having similar social interests and habits), propinquity (being close to someone, or having repeated contact with them), value consensus, (male/female) role compatibility, and most importantly love. This is a clear shift from our past held values of fulfilling social, familial, and economic obligations. These ancient values foster set-ups that included the women as the home maker and the man as the bread winner. Now, those familial obligations have moved to the periphery while values such as emotional security and love have begun to take the stage. 
It seems that men (well, the men we want) respect independent women because they know what they want, and they know how to get what they want. Attention cougars: men I ask say that a reason they like older women more than younger women is because older women have their life in order. This is a quality guys admire because most of their emotional needs are being met so they’re less of a “burden” to men. Subsequently, relationships can focus more on the love aspect where both partners can be seen as equals. Also, it allows for the couple to stop relying on each other for their emotional stability. Relationships like these have less pressure and are more fun and easy. Relationships shouldn’t be hard and the more expectations you put for men to meet your emotional needs the more it will push them away.

 
That’s why you have to be your best friend and take action YOURSELF towards the life you want to have. That way, you can relish in your accomplishments even more than if someone helped you. If you surround yourself with friends that can help you through emotional hardships and hang-ups then you may appear more refreshed in your romantic relationships; which, in turn, may cause men to better enjoy your company and help the development of romantic feelings. When you can cater to all your individual needs yourself with the exception of your companionship, sexual and love needs; you are in control of your relationship. All the Samantha Joneses out there reading this are silently nodding, because I think most women can agree that they would rather have the ball in their court instead of the other way around.