Why Some Pretty Girls Date Seemingly Unattractive Guys
We've all seen it from the MTV show, "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" to that sorority president on campus holding hands with some scruffy GDI (unaffiliated with Greek life). So I wanted to investigate why this happens all the time, during my quest I talked to some of my friends who are totally out of their boyfriends' league to get to the bottom of the issue. There were a few common reasons that are both interesting and surprising.
The girls I'm referring to are independant, self-assured, and could get any guy they want but still would choose the not so polished guy who would be a more caring and devoted boyfriend any day over the cocky jock whose looks are pretty much the only thing he has to offer. SInce these guys haven't been able to rely on their looks to get guys, they needed to develop values and positive behavior in order to attract girls and stand out in the sea of gelled hair. So when you look at them on the surface they may be less than impressive but when you stop judging books by their covers you might be surprised to find a respectful, more consciencious guy lying underneath who is very impressive.
Also, having a not-so cute boyfriend leaves you less to worry about. Not only have they demonstrated their honesty and loyalty to catch the babe in the first place, but they will be more faithful simply due to lack of options. Guys like this are comforting because their partners can safely conduct their lives as normal and thereby make their partners more attracted to them and eventually more devoted to them by maintaining the health of their relationships. Evolutionarily, women are more concerned with relationships compared to men, who are more concerned with power and competition. Since these women have less to worry about, they also have less to compete over and it would cause less strain on their relationships with other women.
Conversely, since the guy knows he has a grade catch, he will try harder to treat his girlfriend well in order to keep her, because he knows she has no lack of options. This is good for guys because like I previously stated, they are very competitive in nature and power driven. Power gives guys a sense of accomplishment and self-satisfaction and having that trophy wife may be just as valuable as being a CEO or winning the Stanley Cup. So ladies, you have to make your man work for it, AND BETTER YET act like that grade A catch and it will only be a matter of time before you morph into her. From my favorite book, Why Men Like Bitched, "sex appeal is half what you got and half what others think you got." Good guys are harder to snag than you think because they are usually in relationships, they know they have what women want, so they tend to picky looks wise. Make sure you're not picking the low hanging "attractive tool" wormed apples but instead climb past the surface to the highest branch and pick that "good guy" apple, you might be pleasantly surprised.
P.S. yes, I am quite the fan of the under dog
This blog is not scientific fact, but rather my educated perspective on the hottest issues concerning college students & young adults today. An open discussion on love, sex, dating, and relationships. Email msdateguru@gmail.com to get any relationship, dating, or sex questions answered. Twitter: @msdateguru or http://twitter.com/#!/msdateguru
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Hooking Up: Keeping It Casual
There are many reasons why a hook-up set up may work for you. It allows to keep your options open at all times and be able to take advantage of every possible option if you wish. In fact, college has the most single people concentrated in one place, once you graduate and are in the job market it will be a lot harder to meet people and young professionals must often resort to online dating sites to meet people. So taking advantage of being in college and being open to all kinds of people, even the ones you wouldn't consider dating is a smart decision.
Since everyone has needs, this is a way to fulfill those without feeling emotionally vulnerable. Most college students are simply busy and can't commit to a relationship but hooking up would be a convenient, fit option. Also, this way you can put yourself first and you don't necessarily have to consider someone's else needs
Keys to Keeping It Casual:
1.) Limit emotional attachment- don't hold hands, talk about your family too much. Don't be yourself, be your best self....don't lay it all on the line.
2.) Respect yourself- make as much time for them as they do for you. Don't always be available and don't hang out to the point where you are neglecting your responsibilities.
3.) Separate them from your life- you need to be ready to fold at any point so you have to again, keep your distance. Don't introduce them to your parents or all your friends, and be careful hooking up with people in your circle of friends, in your classes, or that you live near that may end up turning into an awkward situation if it ends.
4.) Take things a day at a time- Because you're not committed it can end anytime, in college hook-ups generally end with the semester to leave new options for break.
But be careful you are ready for this type of relationship, there is a thin line between hooking up and dating and some people can't separate them so you have to shield yourself from internalizing it. The set-up doesn't work for everyone at any given time, especially people who take rejection personally, or someone who went through a break-up easily. You can't expect to get a relationship out of it, you have to be able to see where it goes so you don't get rejected if things don't work out. Don't settle for a hook-up when you are really hoping to start a relationship. Be honest with yourself and don't do it if you feel uncomfortable. And remember it's not hygenic or safe to have sexual relations with more than one person at once so try to be monogamous with your hook-up.
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